Funny That There Exists Only ONE Person in the WHOLE WORLD that Makes me Lose it On Sight!

I guess in... retrospect, I am rather glad that I am being shackled and monitored so closely that I have no personal room to manoeuvre, but by God, the mere sight of that asshole strutting about today made me almost say to hell with everything and everyone and call down the end of all things.
God, I HATE mike.

you, you aint strong enough
so 

whatever it is that you popping on

that had you thinking that you are superman

i got the kryptonite and i smack you...

Ya gon' make me lose my mind
up in there
up in there
ya gon' make me go all out
up in there
up in there
ya gon' make me act the fool
up in there
up in there
ya' gon' make me lose my cool
up in there...
Funny though, I thought I had made myself very clear on the subject of women, and so, when I saw the very same woman  that I had said had better be just working and not trying to attract my attention, wait till I was walking to see sydney from that park- and her with all of two-inch diametre thighs and a face like someone once used a scalpel on it in the dark or something- and then do JUST that, I was very pissed off. But that was nothing to me seeing mike walk as if from the harbour-where else?- and I was fortunately preocuupied with sydney and I was unable to do the crazy thing that came into my head which was to walk right up to him, and fuck the consequences.

I HATE the asshole.
This goes beyond what he did, the very personal thing that makes me want to take him one on one. 
I had NO idea what it all was, till I calmed down on the way to wynberg, helped by the very obvious, in my pocket, packet of ganja this guy from capricorn brought, from swaziland, high grade, he said. I am going to buy some rizzla, and smoke it on the way up the mountain.
I frankly HATE thinking things through. I want it all over and done with, and that yesterday, and am getting to the point where my levels of tolerance have deteriorated to their lowest ebb yet. But I can not help doing so. Especially as i figure out things. Hell, I wish I could say I am sniffing the air and there is coldness in the  air, but after a while, I was again over-ruled. I had seen ... HER... of course, and well, it is complicated, I suppose.
For one thing, I have NO idea how to get through to her, her being I suppose the only thing worthwhile in all this, if at all. I will be frank. In terms of visual impact, she has deteriorated as well. I liked her better with a ponytail, when she looked like a little girl, and her face was not hidden. The loose hair does not do it for me.
Another thing is EVERY word I write, like with that stupid michaela fool, is NOT taken seriously. She thinks there is, with me, an ulterior motive, when I am saying everything plain.
Get the FUCK away from those fools before even LOOKING at me, or i will KILL you with them, is what in effect I am saying to her, and she thinks maybe i am saying that she disappointed me, and I am not looking for any other woman, and THEREFORE what I really mean is I am like a door, strap a mat to my ass and it is open season for any stupid half assed bitch to come and try to make claims on me, me being so desperate. So, she is coming to make me change my mind and look her way, along with terms and conditions, of course.
Frankly, I would have killed her long ago, for JUST that presumption; that i have the reasoning capacity of a microwave oven, which you tell what temperature, time to cook as well as load stuff in. I wonder if she even gets it that I MEAN what I say.

Woman drives me mad.

My solution is simple, cant handle my way of doing things, stay the fuck OUT of my way! So I can kill you. I am NOT going to change, for her or for anyone, and she had better get it into that round head of hers that I will NOT spare her assholes, especially  mike. I hate the asshole, and maybe she does not get it what it does to MY pride to see her having a boss. I said, over and over again, even when it was NOT that obvious, that it irritates me to be put in a bracket lower than anyone when I have the power to crush everyone. And she thought it was a joke, or they all think there is something else unsaid. Hmm, I wonder just WHAT THE FUCK!!!! God is thinking letting me live through this bullshit! Or restraining me. It is not as if she is going to start LISTENING to me now, is she?

The song has a line that goes

nyika ino yandiri haina anondida

kana anehanya musi wandinoshaya

this world/country has no one that cares for me

or will weep the day I die.

What that means for me is that, well, it would have been NICE if I could convince myself that the only person that actually seemed to go out of her way to attract my attention, albeit irritatingly at times, actually does NOT care, I could carry on without any hesitation. But the silly woman makes it dificult, what with the dog thing when I seemed to want to leave, and the way she looked at me like... she would just die if I turned away from her, and then afterwards that thing with vinnie's daughter.

Fuck it, why cant she just take the hint and make me angry? I mean, she was getting there before. Why the fuck stop NOW? I was wondering why she bothers herself even hiding from me, she can and should live her life and ignore me. Why the fuck does she make a simple issue like this so difficult? I am NOT some psychiatric patient in need of a doctor, I am a homicidal force of fury that should have, would have ended this LONG ago but for the fact that there is this woman who when she smiles lifts up a par of her upper lip higher than the other, giving her a mischievous appearance, and who looked at me like no one has ever looked at me, and I am left rather... uncertain when she does anything like pay attention to me. I HATE being so... uncertain. About everyone else, i am quite 100% sure, everyone else will DIE, everyone else NOW, and eleven later, in seven years time. This is the one person I can not seem to shake off.
thought she would take the bait, with every attempt of mine since I came back, and the silly woman does NOT get it.
FUCK!