When you wake up, have lived for 32 years -and a half- with a body that surprises you on a daily basis, and more than 17 years with the knowledge of God breathing down your neck, being told not to lose heart is akin to a signpost "trouble ahead" being flung right before your face, and so, today, I snapped at Him, "You are not helping, just for once, SHUT the fuck UP!", and I came down anyway, because trouble, well, does not normally come looking for me, I have to place myself in a position of visibility so that I can be... troubled.
Which is just what happened. Some people never get it that there are certain substances that can be moulded, like clay, and even a rock, when water has washed over it for a long long time, can get rounded or flat.
Then there is me.
I do not change. And I thought it very obvious, but apparently, I have to say it again. I MADE my decisions already, and even yesterday, I never ever said I was interested in the woman, just that I was finding it difficult to KILL her. MEANING I want her dead. MEANING there will be NO negotiating, no let off, pretender, for you. You are number three, or a joint number two, with mike, on my hit list. I will SEND you to hell alive, before everyone's eyes, because I did not like the stunt you pulled with that chick, which is the major reason I find her disgusting now, and so, I have no idea what you were trying to prove this morning.
So, I was coming down the mountain, no nearer a resolution than I had been the night before, and very upset at it. I am beginning to think that I am very visible when I am where I sleep, or coming from it, because I think they all watch and... wait, to tell me what they think ought to be done, and how, if I am lost, I should behave, like they are entitled.
Anyway, I was telling God what an Asshole He is, and how, if this was a mathematical problem, even any kind of scientific problem, I would have worked it out by now, and figured out the solution, but this, this had me stumped, and I blamed Him for His pompous, "I know the plans I have for you..." bullshit that is now leaving me unable to really move forward.And I told Him that already those fools down there would have been up all night, devising plans to counter anything and everything I had said, and I would have to have all these stupid strategies flung my way like they think and I am an idiot, when the sole reason I am still here, and they are still alive, is that blasted woman.
Now, how the fuck, I asked Him, do I get out of it.
True, I do not want to kill her, but on the other hand, I do not want her, and I was sure that she would be in a frenzy with whoever she listens to, trying to find means and ways to make sure that my admission that she is the only person I was ever interested in, as a woman, could be used to put a hook in me and make me turn. Their way. Like they are God or something. Smacks of the gallery hag, the toad. Stubborn refusal to accept the obvious, and still fight, thinking to change what can not be changed
Come to think of it, God should retire and just hand over the reins to them. I may say all I will about how God and I interact, and be as honest as I will be about everything, but they still think there must be something out there that will save them, and they do not stop fighting ME to get at it. Funny thing is, I am not even interested in them, nor do I care what they do, because they are dead people walking already, and as I said before, there is NOTHING that will stop me from acting as I see fit WHEN I act, and they think that any delay means there is a derailment in my plans, and they can exploit it like a God given opportunity to be 'saved'. typical jewish arrogance. they were exterminated in concentration camps, gas chambers, where was their God then? And now they think He is going to give them strength to overturn my plans? Ha ha, we shall see about that!
Anyway, I walked down, morose, and as I was walking down that side road where I have met the imp, who should also drive up from behind me but the pretender.
himself.
Maybe, like the other times, the stupid chick was trying to sell him to me, that if I wanted her he would have to be spared.
Hell, I do not want her, and he is dead, with or without her being in my life. I am not a mere human being, and what she did to piss me off, well, i will be honest, even if the two of us had a future, and I did not take steps to show her just how angry she had made me by PUNISHING her beforehand, I would eventually kill her with my own bare hands for it, because I never forget, and I never let go of grievances, which means that for every action done against me, there has to be a compensatory reaction done to the person.
I was serious when I said I intend to make the woman pay, and pay she will. And that has nothing to do with whether she is on my good or bad side, it is me dealing with what happened, and putting my stamp as overlord to it. I mean, you can not piss me off and expect me to let bygones be bygones, right? Who the Fuck are YOU to expect that. I can not FORGIVE God for being in my life, and you think I would just let your insults to me go unpunished? Fuck do you take me for? Somebody who has NO principles?
Anyway, I laughed, and was thinking to myself, and aloud, too, these fools do not have ANY idea just WHO they are messing with, do they, even if I spell it out for them? It was so ridiculous at one hand and also so maddening at the other I was not sure what to do.
I am currently having problems staying upright, my back is like I have a load on my shoulders, and if I turn suddenly I get such excrutiating pain its like I am being speared, and sometimes, I can not even breathe properly, and all because my whole system is going haywire with a problem I can not solve, and I am feeling the effects of it.
And some stupid idiot that does not know when to quit thinks he can bring back to my memory the various stunts he pulled in order to piss me off, from the flowers, the foursome, the kiss, the kisses, and even that time when he shows up with her as she is wearing that dress, right after I had translated that song about an eagle and a guinea fowl.
And apparently the silly woman supposes that as long as she is linked to those people, I will let her live.
To be reminded of their mockery?
ha, dream on.
I will incinerate you!
Which is just what happened. Some people never get it that there are certain substances that can be moulded, like clay, and even a rock, when water has washed over it for a long long time, can get rounded or flat.
Then there is me.
I do not change. And I thought it very obvious, but apparently, I have to say it again. I MADE my decisions already, and even yesterday, I never ever said I was interested in the woman, just that I was finding it difficult to KILL her. MEANING I want her dead. MEANING there will be NO negotiating, no let off, pretender, for you. You are number three, or a joint number two, with mike, on my hit list. I will SEND you to hell alive, before everyone's eyes, because I did not like the stunt you pulled with that chick, which is the major reason I find her disgusting now, and so, I have no idea what you were trying to prove this morning.
So, I was coming down the mountain, no nearer a resolution than I had been the night before, and very upset at it. I am beginning to think that I am very visible when I am where I sleep, or coming from it, because I think they all watch and... wait, to tell me what they think ought to be done, and how, if I am lost, I should behave, like they are entitled.
Anyway, I was telling God what an Asshole He is, and how, if this was a mathematical problem, even any kind of scientific problem, I would have worked it out by now, and figured out the solution, but this, this had me stumped, and I blamed Him for His pompous, "I know the plans I have for you..." bullshit that is now leaving me unable to really move forward.And I told Him that already those fools down there would have been up all night, devising plans to counter anything and everything I had said, and I would have to have all these stupid strategies flung my way like they think and I am an idiot, when the sole reason I am still here, and they are still alive, is that blasted woman.
Now, how the fuck, I asked Him, do I get out of it.
True, I do not want to kill her, but on the other hand, I do not want her, and I was sure that she would be in a frenzy with whoever she listens to, trying to find means and ways to make sure that my admission that she is the only person I was ever interested in, as a woman, could be used to put a hook in me and make me turn. Their way. Like they are God or something. Smacks of the gallery hag, the toad. Stubborn refusal to accept the obvious, and still fight, thinking to change what can not be changed
Come to think of it, God should retire and just hand over the reins to them. I may say all I will about how God and I interact, and be as honest as I will be about everything, but they still think there must be something out there that will save them, and they do not stop fighting ME to get at it. Funny thing is, I am not even interested in them, nor do I care what they do, because they are dead people walking already, and as I said before, there is NOTHING that will stop me from acting as I see fit WHEN I act, and they think that any delay means there is a derailment in my plans, and they can exploit it like a God given opportunity to be 'saved'. typical jewish arrogance. they were exterminated in concentration camps, gas chambers, where was their God then? And now they think He is going to give them strength to overturn my plans? Ha ha, we shall see about that!
Anyway, I walked down, morose, and as I was walking down that side road where I have met the imp, who should also drive up from behind me but the pretender.
himself.
Maybe, like the other times, the stupid chick was trying to sell him to me, that if I wanted her he would have to be spared.
Hell, I do not want her, and he is dead, with or without her being in my life. I am not a mere human being, and what she did to piss me off, well, i will be honest, even if the two of us had a future, and I did not take steps to show her just how angry she had made me by PUNISHING her beforehand, I would eventually kill her with my own bare hands for it, because I never forget, and I never let go of grievances, which means that for every action done against me, there has to be a compensatory reaction done to the person.
I was serious when I said I intend to make the woman pay, and pay she will. And that has nothing to do with whether she is on my good or bad side, it is me dealing with what happened, and putting my stamp as overlord to it. I mean, you can not piss me off and expect me to let bygones be bygones, right? Who the Fuck are YOU to expect that. I can not FORGIVE God for being in my life, and you think I would just let your insults to me go unpunished? Fuck do you take me for? Somebody who has NO principles?
I am currently having problems staying upright, my back is like I have a load on my shoulders, and if I turn suddenly I get such excrutiating pain its like I am being speared, and sometimes, I can not even breathe properly, and all because my whole system is going haywire with a problem I can not solve, and I am feeling the effects of it.
And some stupid idiot that does not know when to quit thinks he can bring back to my memory the various stunts he pulled in order to piss me off, from the flowers, the foursome, the kiss, the kisses, and even that time when he shows up with her as she is wearing that dress, right after I had translated that song about an eagle and a guinea fowl.
And apparently the silly woman supposes that as long as she is linked to those people, I will let her live.
To be reminded of their mockery?
ha, dream on.
I will incinerate you!
