Word Is Wind, Them Talking In Vain

I woke up, was coming down the mountain, and fo no reason that I could figure out, I was singing a song that, in retrospect, made me think, "NO, no one would be THAT stupid!", but then again, I realised that that could very well be what was going on. I got upset, and wet. That was not supposed to happen, yet, I did not want anyone on guard early on, no, I wanted them fools to come out of hiding like I was the idiot they figure me for, and today, my policy was, is, that there will be some picturesque barbecues and ... such.
The song, by a Zim cat, was about the guy complaining that he is light skinned, the chick is light skinned, so how come the child that she was saying was his was so dark, had a nose like a murderer's... ah, never mind... and a small head, and ears that were so huge and threatened to run away from the head.
So, I thought a bit about it, and was like, it seems rather like I am going to have to be really DRASTIC here. I was imagining that maybe I had got to the point where, against all reason, someone was actually THINKING of telling ME that she could not look after the child alone.
I know she is blonde, but even stupidity has limits. When someone tells you that he has looked you up and down, and found you disgusting to him, that he has decided, based on what you did in the past with who you did it, he is going to take punitive measures and that this is a done deal, set in stone, unchangeable, and that after that, after he has killed the three people that heve been thorns in his flesh the most, for their meddling and trying to make him look like an idiot, he will kill you, and everyone else except for eleven people that mean something to him, I do not think there exists even in a crazy person's mind any room for ... negotiation.
Die, period!

I said to myself, if they spent the night discussing how to stop me, again, then word is wind, them talking in vain/assassin and sniper is one and the same/coz if I am a sniper never miss where me aim, like assassin sang in his song, ruffest and tuffest.
Anyway, that was NOT even what I was coming down for. On my way from the wynberg, yesterday, I met a woman that had been 'married' to this guy I used to work with, prince, and who after I had tried to kill myself and ended and valkenberg had become rather tight with my folks back home, so much so that they chose not to call me but call him to ask about me, and i was not surprised to find out that the womanising guy and she had split long ago, and that he no longer stayed in capricorn, but in heathfield, somewhere with some woman.
But it brought me back to my very ... unusual ... past, a past where i had been dilligently seeking but one thing, and one thing only, how to kill myself and get out from under God's thumb, till I gave up on it and realised that He was serious about me carrying on with life. That would be some four years ago? Almost, anyway, because it was only after I gave it all up that He went, "September 18: Independence Day", and since it was October 2010, i assumed He meant the following year and went sort of catatonic wondering just what He was going to do on that day.
So, when I got taken out for a meal on sunday, september 18 2011, I just put two and two together and thought, maybe He meant that this would be the day when I decided to NOT have anything to do with a woman who had a child, as i had been prone to do, since these were easier to bed, being desperate.
It was rather a let down, but I thought it was how God rated me.As some sex-starved guy that had no principles and had to be led by hand. It was not till I actually, last week, just decided that, whatever anyone may have to say about it, they will NOT answer to God, but to me, and that I was setting myself up as an entity on my own, that I figured what He had meant, and the other thing that made me so sure was the October 22? post, where I had blasted God and basically shown that I was not under His thumb.And He had predicted something like that, a woman looking askance at the east (rising sun) as a light shined that was not quite what she had expected.
Then there was the king uzziah bit, about a KING who had wanted to be a priest as well, when he was NOT ordained as one, and so, well, you start getting the drift. I am NOT meant to bow to anyone, not even God. I DOMINATE, and I RULE. I have NO interest in people, I just want to have my own way. The fact that some people may be in my way, may think they can influence my choices, is unfortunate for them, because I will squash anyone that seeks to stand up against me. I want people dead, so I can move on, and I do not answer to anyone.
So, if anyone thought that there was some clause, some safety valve that would enable anyone to make me lose some of my hot air, well, tough, such a thing does not exist.
there is something else, that  2 kings 20 : 6 verse that God sent to me when I had thrown in the towel after breaking up with this chick that I had wanted to use to make my mother ashamed. There is a part in that tale where the king is asked, what kind of sign he would like, shall the shadow go forward ten steps on the sundial, or backward ten steps, and he answered that it could be done easy that a shadow go forward ten steps, let it go backward ten steps.

That tallied with my own thinking. All my life, I have been thinking, it is easy for God, after He has announced that He would do something, to do it, because everyone knows that He is going to do it, but to do it before anyone even suspects that He will is something else.
The 'ten million dollars' to build an ark where the ten years it took me, the costly ten years, to develop a character of my own and figure out what my limitations were, and therefore how to stick to being me. seven years, here, almost, anyway, and three years at home.
Till I could be a despot, someone determined to just have his own way.
Unable to compromise. Or try to please anyone else.