I have serious doubts that anyone even begins to grasp the very ... different... life I have had, especially since God strolled personally into my life, and seemed to accept me as i am. And pulled me into a world where personal freedom became a luxury that I only saw from other people, and I watched helplessly as everything, every fabric, every stitch that made me part of the human 'race' was gleefully torn away because God had at last found the proper candidate to undo what was done the first time.
I have analysed God Himself, and no matter which way I look, I have found Him to be despicable, to like lurking in the dark instead of coming out in the open about His intent, and hated Him more the more i knew Him.And the funny thing is, I am the only person who knows Him, the only person He has revealed Himself to, and for the life of me, sometimes, I can not figure out if He is masochistic or if I need my head examined.
So, the crafty Creator, first time around, gave the man the freedom to do as he pleased, and the man, at the instigation of the spirit of God, because God Himself had created male and female animals, decided he also wanted his own mate, and God sulked after making the woman, instead of reprimanding His own spirit for messing things up for Him. NO, that job He left for... others, and the more I think of it, the more I think God is a real Asshole, because if He had been specific from the word go, things would have been quite simpler than they are right now. But He had to nurse His grievances against women, and He ignored them, never spoke to them unless necessary, and even then never in a manner to breed goodwill, and was waiting, waiting for the first one to be totally rejected by a mother, after being given to Him, so that He could load him with all those problems, and, well, what a merry life I have had, these past few years!
And i had to battle all alone, fight because i could not avoid it, because I was stuck in the middle of it all.
It is also the reason why I have adopted my own manner of speaking, of communicating. I make no bones about the fact that I will go against the flow if necessary, I will stand alone and take on everyone if it comes to that, but by God, I will end everyone's life before very long, because I will not be burdened with the mockery of either God's 'advice'- which to me seems rather like a rich man advising a pauper that to make a lot of money in today's world, he must be a shrewd businessman, when it would be better to give that pauper a leg up; I have had to extricate myself from throns while God, Who could have done something if He was more than just a loudmouth, just looked on, and defended Himself when I accused Him, pursuant to His words, that He was making an ass out of me- or the continued interference of His spirit.
Not to mention the people who think they are appointed by the same God to make me "behave".
I spent all of yesterday up in the mountain, cooking sadza and sleeping, and thinking, and I was wondering where for example certain people got the gall to behave as they did.
On the day I got arrested, and everyone trouped out after me to the police station (funny, the warrant officers on duty took one look at me and decided I was a 6-2, or something like that, which to me sounded like police lingo for I was insane "look at his eyes", they said. They had no idea the anguish that God brought into my life, and the rage that was threatening to spew forth) I went numb, and then as i was told to go dwonstairs to the holding cells, I immediately fell asleep, and it was then that God sent me a vision, and while, generally, I am good at paying attention to details, I can not for the life of me remember most of what He said, except that I must put on my pants -meaning I must NOT show any love- because that would be used against me, and so, when a detective woke me up and started processing me, I kept to the bare facts, that I had written stuff on the internet and waited to see who would respond how, and no, I had never exchanged even two words with the woman, which was true, because we never had a conversation; I spoke to her, and she never replied, so I was being legalistically... correct.
It was therefore NOT that much of a surprise that the charges against me were those that the imp made up, and I know I made a promise that I would pay him back, and trust me, I will.
Later on, the same night, in another confused jumble of images, I was shown a woman weeping like her heart would break, because of the deaths that were about to occur, primarily because of that woman's actions, and I said to myself, serves her right. Seemed it was at happy valley home, and the manager, who is named 'cindy' dollery although her first name is cynthia, not cinderella, which is what springs to mind, right, cinders and ashes, was advsing this girl NOT to show herself, and when she came near me, and all I did was reach out as if to touch her between the legs and found like balls or something there and said, 'aha' and spurned her, she went out weeping, while I was left looking at this arrogant guy who looked like mike who had his left leg raised and I was supposed to crawl under it, and I shook my head.
It was all so very succinct I was left asking myself, so, You Asshole, Why the Fuck Did You Take So Long to get to that point?
But then, He is good at not getting His hands dirty. I must fight, even for what I do not want.
Well, at least now you know why I hate the gallery woman, mike, the pretender, and why i want to make examples of them FIRST, and then everyone else can die.
I am NOT God. I do NOT speak in riddles.
I am coming out worse than the four horsemen of the apocalypse, and I INTEND to make you suffer. And send you all to hell for ever.
And there will be NO stopping that!
NO WAY!
