Ok, where do I start? This has to do with women, and so, I will mention the one time I was ever surprised by the actions of a woman and it took me a whole nine months to want to find out if there was more to what I had experienced than I thought.
I came out of valkenberg, and had some boys laugh at me. I was basically homeless, I had parted company with the girl I had been staying with, and made sure that I would be dead before I ever saw her again, and I had NOT died. then this coloured girl, her friend, gave me a hug, when she saw me standing forlorn, unsure what to do next.
It was that hug that made me wonder if she was interested in me. As somebody. truth to tell, though, everytime my thoughts went her way, I would get a vision of her in the tavern I used to work, looking towards the dj box, and thumping her right hand over her breasts, and then straightening it like a hitler salute, and I got to understand, gradually, that she was saying to herself that she was better than me, and thought me a rather lowly sort of fellow.
At first, I wanted to grab her anyway, you know, the way any guy can get any girl by saying the right words, but the final nail was put in the lid when I had another vision of a guy called paul -her name was paula- who was chasing this blonde girlfriend of his (we were both staying at happy valley by then) who was interested in another guy that seemed to dance easier to her tune, and I was explaining to the said paul that I could pick her up, paula, and carry her, but I would have to bear her ten years, and God is a God of thin violence, and well, after finding out for myself that she was about as liberal with her body as a bitch in heat, and that she had a boyfriend she was living with, I decided to think twice and then, backed off.
That was when michelle pereira entered the scene. I was now focusing on the problem that I was ... alive... and not likely to die off as I had hoped, and I was going to the simonstown library, and this small white chick, well, we started meeting up before the library opened, at the bench just outside. She tried to draw me out in talk, about what I thought of the place, and I gave monosyllabic answers. Thing about me is, first thing I do is study a person's demeanour, the way the person walks, the timbre of the voice, the general body language, and what I could see was that the woman was trouble. A clingy woman. A whiner. I had no time for all that. My life was difficult enough without the added trouble.
Then, after receiving a note from some pastor who was opening a church in the navy dockyards, as part of pastor shris ministries, she started on with me about coming to church. Hell, she even shouted out to me from the top floor of this hotel as I walked on the other side of the road that i should come to church, like I was guilty of stealing something, one monday as I walked to the library, after not keeping a promise to come to church as promised.
Well, I became so worn out after a while by her persistence- and not once did she even speak of 'salvation' or jesus, that I decided I would come once and then call it quits.
I did, and found out why she had wanted me to come to church. She had a child, a daughter, and when she introduced us, she had that anxious appearance of a person whose fragile sense of self-worth was under attack, and well, I was diplomatic, and just said a few words, and pretended that it did not matter, though I wondered, since by then I was not staying even at happy valley but, well, in this sort of cave overlooking it.
I was, of course, at the same time realising the calculation that was going on in the woman's mind, and I was less than impressed. I was done trying to get myself tied up with people who had their own problems. I could not die, so, why bother humiliating myself?
Then, because I grasped it, the one morning I was coming down for a shower and just saw noah's ark, that flat topped stone at boulders beach, the vision of that angelina jolie woman, but with a sweet smile, came to the fore, although I should have paid attention to details, because the stone was NOT to my right as it should have been in real life, but to my left, and, well, anyway, being negative, I was wondering if this was the woman God has selected for me, and if this trend that one marries a woman with kids by another would haunt me also.
So, I became more than withdrawn, I became aggressive, and insulting, trying to break free.
There was, of course, a friend. A woman that could pose on the cover of a magazine and be absolutely breathtaking. She had that shiny blonde hair that well, you rarely see in public. We met when I, now staying at the fisherman's hut by the beach, decided I was hungry and wanted to go find some guavas to eat, did not find them in this side street and when I ended up by the court, they were still rather green, and I was walking back. Apparently, the street I entered was the one that had butthead and family in it, and he came down after me in a chevrolet bakkie, and made a U-turn just by me. I stopped, stared, and ms picture perfect leaned forward, so I could get the full effect.
Problem with all that was, let us just say that I am not the kind of person to be used, and THAT was when I started realising just how ... terrible... I was.
the day after, after thinking about it, I got a prompt, from the lines of sean paul's song, the original, "gimme the light":- they better move fast/before we get cross, and immediately I was like, I want a woman that is michelle's size and has her friend's hair.
I SUMMONED someone, get it?
In all my life, I have NEVER seen anyone act so terrified of another being the way the woman acted. And when we finally looked at each other, eye to eye, I realised that her face made her the kind of person I would not want to be around, and so, without thinking about it further, I rejected her, and there were other women, and I would look, and find something wrong, and turn my back, and walk away. Of course, it did not seem that I was actually overriding some people's freedom of choice, and even when I thhought about it, I just did not give a damn.
MY point is, I said I am going to summon my three enemies, and then kill them, FIRST, and well, I wonder if they know the fact how we run the game: I do NOT have to be holy, pious, a believer in God or whatever, I am the boss, and I do as I please
