Yesterday, after a BAD night the night before that involved me spilling food on the ground because my pot overturned, and me refusing to hear anything about God's greatness or His ability to do great things, I came to the library to find sm@rtcape offline, and I had to go to the 'pakistani?' internet cafe in the main road in Fish Hoek, where the day before I had seen the cunt of a rasta loitering as I walked from the library with the "hawks on the street" lines ringing in my head, and pissed off BIG time, I wrote what I wrote,and walked away.
I had no idea of it at the time, but I had just declared myself independent of God. The date, yesterday, was September 18.
The Day I became a fully autonomous entity, with ALL the powers at my disposal to do EXACTLY as I pleased, and I thought all the while He was more interested in... other things.
I went to kalk bay, and was about to go up, buy my food and go sleep before midday when the rain made me think otherwise. It rained when I was at the somali shop, but I was under the tree so I did not get wet, BUT, I thought, the leaves would be still wet and I would be soaked,so I walked back, and stood at the olympia cafe end of the building, KNOWING that what I had written, based on previous times, would invite all and sundry to approach me without fear, since I seemed to ahve cast away any covering of God that I might have had, and I was not surprised, since the first thing I had seen was that toad-woman's almera outside the blue bottle, and THEN the scary shary's mr-2 hard by the parking by the two kings hotel. It was bound to be a bad day, I knew, but I was beyond caring.
I had said that I HAD DECIDED that I was going to kill these people, horribly, and they chose not to accept it, well, it was their fault, I was still here because, as I was reminded rather forcibly today as I fell on the lawn between that primary school and the parking by outspan restaurant, there was a woman, the ONLY woman, that had me in indecision, ME, not God.
Anyway, I got to see the hag's boyfriend, the quagga books guy, after their meal in the cafe, walk by me and sydney and mwale, and say "hi guys", and I looked through him, for once seeing that they really thought me some 'dom naaier', a person with a brain the size of a pea who could not hold any thought consistently in that same brain.
Madeline also did the same, and I also looked away, insulted beyond measure.The duo of ms short and dumpy and the boy also showed up, and then a little later, the boy, forgetting maybe that I remember things like no one would believe and I have seen him drive some sedan after the slk, decided maybe to show me he could drive by getting into the VW polo hatchback that ms short and dumpy was at the wheel of as they arrived.
I must really be an impressionable little fool, right?
But, as usual, the person that I LOATHE with a passion, the hag, decided to show me how stupid I am by predicting that, seeing her walk by me would so spoli my day I would walk away, and then waiting to waylay me as I turned up the one way by the blue bottle store, and I was like, here goes day two, of my...uncertainty.
As I said before, I have the final say over who lives or dies, and I have decided that everyone else dies, except the 11 people that I choose to ... miss hell.
The ONLY possible exception, and I say this with reservation because she HAS pissed me off, and I would love nothing but to squash her like a bug if she decided to ever try to take advantage of my... tender-heartedness... where she is concerned, or tried to come again with her ambassadorial duties as far as the rest of her brood are concerned, is the ... apple chick.
I have nothing to lose, though, because I am not giving away anything. The woman is still on my bad side, and if she is against my killing off her family, well, tough, she can defy me, and I will kill her and move on, no skin off my back.
I can not get plainer than that.
*****
Anyway, after all this, I climbed the mountain, cooked, and while eating, I continued my sporadic reading of this very BORING book by mitchener calkled the covenant, and it was when this character, a tjaart van doorns, decided to abandon his burnt out home and start the great trek to some northern part of south africa and was using the first parts of the declaration of independence, "When in the course of human events..." to explain his actions to people he had 'respect' to, that it suddenly occured to me what I had done, and I had to do this, "OK, I got here on the 3!st, sunday, and monday was the first, the next monday the 8th, the one I just passed was the 15th, tuesday 16, wednesday 17, and thursday 18...".
And today, I declared myself the alpha and omega, the buck stops with me.
As He predicted more than 4 years ago. Because I can not live even under His shadow, but must carve my own path, since I am indeed THE Maverick and cannot abide being under anyone's straitjacket, not even God's.
Now, consider the fun we are about to have as I become very, very unpleasant, since, of course, as I said, I want to leave the country, OVER your dead bodies, and I am NOT so good at listening to people's opinions.....
And today, I declared myself the alpha and omega, the buck stops with me.
As He predicted more than 4 years ago. Because I can not live even under His shadow, but must carve my own path, since I am indeed THE Maverick and cannot abide being under anyone's straitjacket, not even God's.
Now, consider the fun we are about to have as I become very, very unpleasant, since, of course, as I said, I want to leave the country, OVER your dead bodies, and I am NOT so good at listening to people's opinions.....
