Low Days

Sometimes I do not need any assistance to make a fool of myself, I seem capable of doing it all on my own, and it was only after my most recent stupid stunt that I started berating myself, for everything.
It was not my fault, though, it is just that there is one thing I have never been able to, nor will I ever be able to, it seems, do, and that is just turn the other cheek and walk away. If I could, my life would be so much simpler.
Anyway, I was already stressed up, anyway. I came back for what I thought would be like a simple breaking and entering, in and out before anyone knew what was happening, and as I came down the mountain this morning, Him being the the only One I could mourn to, I was telling God what a fuck-up He was, Who should have planned things better than this, and now, I am marking week THREE in this fucking place, and I do not WANT the woman, and now [You] have me stuck here, when every time You say You are starting with the man in the mirror, and now, WHAT? And He told me to expect the unexpected, and well, it was NOT the kind of unexpected I ... expected. And He also sent a line from the song above

rastafari nuh go give a man more than he can bear [1:54]

So, OK, I was mad.
Then this maal coloured guy;- after I had actually spent some considerable time after visiting the toilet standing by the roadside playing a game with myself, to see if I could identify the various cars, and I was quite pleased with myself before I decided to actually cross the road, and the idiot, who had an "african" walking stick in hand and was busy yelling at everything in sight (welcome to the club) and as he passed me, he pointed at me and snarled something.
You can guess what happened.
AFTER introducing his fore-head to the upright pillar just outside the blue bottle and relieving him afterwards of the stick, and trailing up the lane after him and slapping him, I came back to my senses and thought he would have the... reason to not MESS with me afterwards, because I had shown considerable restraint. I could have let him kiss that wall harder, and fractured his skull, and when I allowed sydney to talk me out of showing my anger in more obvious ways, he came back after me, and picked a brick, and I was slipping into the madness, but then I realised that I would get nowhere and listened to the rasta, and walked up the next one way, had myself my sandwhiches, and felt rotten and silly to the core.And decided to come to wynberg for some stress-relief.

Well I dont need a lawyer coz there wont be a case

forget what you see  know your life

get your place.
I'm about to show you what respect really is...

But some man wan' disturb man med up
just true then warn them when me spin up me eyes get red up

When them dis me try to get me fed up

...

Just true them nuh hear the words me said up

Better THEM fed up hurry up and get DEAD up.

Well, I guess what God meant about the ... "THOR" bit, and He was surprisingly quite graphic about it this morning, was the anger bit, the fact that I let it out without thinking, and ALSO, when I extrapolate it, that I NEVER let bygones be bygones. Not till someone pays. And I do NOT stop to THINK about it first.
. 

This morning, while I was still sleeping, I had this... ANOTHER... vision, and this time God was quite candid about stuff.It is almost a dead give away to give it away, but I will state it anyway. I was watching and there before me was a guy, behind either a counter, a bench (read that as judge's bench) or whatever flat topped thing you may want to call it, complete in thor's attire, what I could see of his upper torso, but the face, well, it was something else. No, it wasn't me. It was a guy that ended up marrying this woman that was on a cast with him for a movie called "Mr and Mrs Smith" and he was clean shaven, and had even his hair shaven off. Plain thoughts, for the uninitiated, and the bare chin, well, that is open determination

The other thing was that, as the "camera" moved upwards, towards his face, the side profile was very, very distinctive, like a mirror image of the jawline of this guy who played the one eyed father of thor, The All-Father, Odin. To show that THIS guy I was seeing was Odins'son.

(Maybe God was tired of me hunting around, and wanted me to see for myself just what I was missing out on, that the real reason I am here was because I was insulted, and I am not here to confirm whether or not I am loved, that is secondary;- I am here to make people PAY for insulting me the way they did, and that in this I have His full approval. Government Thor:- Cape Flats)
Anyway, the  thing is this guy was sitting, or standing before this counter, right?
And he was pissed off. And after a few seconds, his right hand- both hands were hidden under the table,(fuck, did He have to be SO graphic?)- would come out and he would go, "thor" as he sort of pointed to his right, my left, and did not allow the hammer to land on the table, though, but kept it almost horizontal, before he returned it to under then table, and then again he would do that, like he was passing judgement. Did that for about three times, and then everything switched off.
the special effects must have been costly.
Me, a mirror image of God, in judgement, because the woman made me jealous, after it was ... she... not me... who purseued me... not her, and then she decided to show me the ropes or whatever.
Well, that aside,. I had decided that, since to me she is tainted anyway, and I never can bring myself to trust her, no matter how open-minded I may try to be, I am going to content myself with making every single person that was involved with her in this cock-up to make me learn my p's and q's suffer to the extreme. Everyone else may die, but the manner of death of the kalk bay fools, and the STUPID women like madeline who do not get it that when I said that I am NOT interested in anyone else I MEANT just that, will be quite spectacular, and NOTHING, as I said, and NO ONE will change the designs I have for these fools. YEAH-SSSS!

So, the gallery woman will precede the others, and then darling mike, and the pretender will have their funerals, YEAH-SS, and since she is stuck to them like glue, she will watch all this, and know just how terrible is my anger, my jealousy. Then other fools, well, I am thinking that freak accidents will hit them, like having the house fall on them if indoors, or have the hail remove their heads or something like that, but death will come to them, because the ONLY way I can make my way out of hear is OVER your dead bodies, people, and I INTEND to make my way out of south africa. Dont give a fuck about your... consent.

them are infector

disease collector

nuff o' dem want come wreck ya

(I better listen again to the song, to get it right)

Well, maybe the woman was thinking, this guy is hiv-positive, and so, I will play him a bit, and then just get him to turn his head, and then walk away.doesn't actually get it that I have someone devoted to give me a quality LIFE whether I like it or not, and so, the disease thing, it ceased to be an issue the moment I decided to NOT give my mother any more room in my life, and began my new life. Ha ha, it is NOT this song, it is actually the one that goes SHAKE that thing.... now, fuck is it called, hmmmm?

Fuck I give up!
BUT I know that the song has a bit that goes,
them better move fast
before we get cross
bad man nuh care tough for dem just becauseAh, well, there may be a dirty version of  like glue, and I heard that one. I will try once more.
I give up. It is NOT like my memory to be packing up like this.
I will listen to something I actually LIKE hearing, for a change, like some mad king shanko

This may be a re-rendering of something God said once, or it may be that NOW it applies to me:-

She gimme di ting

and me fire she light it...

she gimme di ting

 and then she's gone

she gimme di ting

and me are go alone...!