Who... Or What... Am I?

I have a... headache. Which may be a sign that I am really stressed up, and looking, so far in vain, for a way out of my predicament.
But, closer to home, I wonder if some glaringly obvious things are  NOT being overlooked.

For one thing, putting God and my differences with Him aside, which are the reason why I can not seem to decide whether to put my left foot  or my right foot down, I was wondering, seeing the very determined ways of yesterday to sort of put me in place, or show me to be a no-account, whether these people do GET it that never in my whole life have I ever listened to anyone, and that once I set my course, I go for it.
Or maybe it also never occurs to them that I am as psychotic as a mongoose...

I wonder also, if there is ANYTHING in my make up that gives anyone the impression that he or she has the power to sway me or something like that.
And I am NOT even yet getting to the unusual things like the thunder and lightning of last night, or the ... fact... that when I decide to move about, it stops, for me. These things have not deterred the fools before, because they thought that the person they see walking about, me, is the weak link. And I wonder if they have eyes... ?
When I came back from wynberg, fortunately, sydney had not gone home yet,and since he had some money of mine, I went over to that blasted building to get it, and found, surprise surprise, that the almera and the hatchback of ms short and dumpy were still there. Maybe they thought that if I was feeling low, I must be pliable or something, and when the loathsome gallery woman took the opportunity to walk right past me and into the blue bottle store as I laughed with abisha and ... another guy... about abisha's running stomach, I was left thinking that maybe I have been going about this the wrong way.
Fuck, I am at the moment stuck here, and the REASON is that I am actually mad at God, that He thinks that the BEST thing for me is a slutty woman that I saw being kissed by some other guy, and when I looked at all His other acts, with other people, I was not amused. It does NOT matter to me that she may not have had sex, what He allowed to happen was to me a serious breach of ... everything, and for Him to say to me, the day I walked in on that, "Peace, be still", was like a slap in the face.
Fuck does He take me for? Some unfeeling stone?
Fuck, if He thinks so highly of her, let Him take her, but as for me, that slut dies as horribly as the rest of the brood.
That is MY decision.
I suppose I cared, once, but she has effectively cured me of that. Fools, I may look all silly and of no account, but maybe, just maybe, you ought to pay attention to the fact that I have your silly lives in my hands, and that you have NO say in what I am about to do to them, and soon.
Cunts and assholes!
Another thing, if someone, anyone, thinks that any decision of mine can be appealed to God for, then, hell, instead of bothering ME, go to HIM, and He will fight for you. Thinking to make me change my views because you think God will be for you is an insult, because I hate this God of yours, and nothing is as insulting as having anyone think that I will bow down to either Him or your whims.
And the first lesson I learnt early was that any woman that 'listened' to God was tainted, to me, and I hate having anything to do with any such, because I will be lord in my own house, having the final say, the α and the ω.