I do the Why, What, Who; He Does The How, and Right Now, He is in the Driver's Seat.

So, God said something to me during the day, yesterday, and I was as usual, openly incredulous, and then, when I came back and was climbing the mountain, He said pretty much the same thing, and I went, "?!", and then He spoke about  'helper', and so, finally, after assimilating what had happened back in ventersburg, and how I had been overruled on a specific decision, for MY good, I gave in, and now, I am in sleeper mode.
So, I SAID this, last time I was in ventersburg, that I would wait for the bus, and THEN come back to cape town. That would have been extremely difficult, because the bus people came, and waitd for 48 minutes to TAKE me to zimbabwe. (Guy that was so helpful gave me his email address, and I got it from him, last night, after sending an email to say that i had come to cape town, thanks for everything bla bla.)Probably they called vinnie as well, which, as i said, does not bother me, but in this case, when i had decided that I was not leaving till monday at least, i would have been in an awkward position as far as explaining myself to these people, and so, i was whisked away, and by the time them people arrived at ventersburg, I was more than a thousand kilometrea away in touws rivier.
"seated on a colt, the foal of a donkey"
A 'Being' that can overrule me as to the how, because he sees what I can not see. Or knows something about some people that I myself do not. Which makes me uneasy, because I am a bit unsettled as far as things from a certain quarter are concerned. I would have loved to just tie everything up, and get done, but i find I can not. Oh, my decisions are upheld, mostly, I suppose, and I suppose, end of the day, I have no regrets, but it is still NOT a stroll in the park just sitting and doing nothing but chew my nails.

So, I tend to be impetuous, and do not consider all angles, but my ...twin apparently has everything at his fingertips, and knows how to carry me to my desired destination without the hassle that my being left alone and in charge would bring, because apparently he was created for that sole purpose, and seems to ... LIKE ... it.
Although not him nor God  seem the least bit interested in doing anything about my... unusual... bodily functions. The heat on my back, the fact that my waist is all so... fragile, and the heaviness of everything. Fuck I was allowed to ... DIE, and then they just brought back what was left to a sort of life, and have since been  making that ... thing mobile.
I do not know whether to be glad or angry. It is one of those things.

Then comes ... THIS... part. Now, let me just say there is something I find unusual even in myself. I was looking at myself even in  one of the mirrors at the library toilet, and I almost missed it, but it was only when i tilted my head as i was about to walk away, seeing everything as 'normal', that it was unmistakable.
My eyes.

They are frightening. Dead. And remorseless. And if one's eyes are a reflection of one's soul, then I am a person that is quite... unfriendly, indeed. Not that I care. Like any predator, what matters is not that I hunt, but that I not be hunted, and I assume that this is what my helper is good at. So, I will let it ride.

I hope, though, that people would just accept things as they are, and not bug me. I am prepared to be magnanimous, and not overly paranoid as to what i saw as i came to the library, namely that chick with her mr-2 or whatever. I will say she was just going to work, not trying AGAIN to attract my attention, because that would be foolish indeed. I have made my stance on that very clear, I think, and i have been so candid i would not want to repeat the same things over and over again. Far as i am concerned, there was a 'possibility' with only one ... woman. She pissed me off, and now, all I think of is revenge. I am NOT looking for any more. Get that clear, please, because, while I may not have my hands on the steering wheel, I still have all the power and it would be very, very stupid to take me for a fool who does not know what he wants, or who.

No more 'white worms', please, you stupid bitch!