Ok, just to give you a heads-up, God categorically... refused... to let me give things up and/or over to Him, so, well, I suppose everyone is stuck with the vengeful mav. and well, I am really, really, unhappy.
Because I happen to be someone everyone will have to answer ... TO.
EVERYONE.
I do not want to be ... original... because I am being accused left right and centre for trying to be someone or something I am not, and well, as I said, I never asked for this, but I have, on the other hand, NOT been really ... honest. Oh, yeah, I am rather trying to be as candid as possible, but the truth is, I have been afraid, so much of being rejected that I have not really been... me.
And yet, the one thing that defines me is what I have been hiding, and well, it would have come out, and so, I am putting it out there, and I am therefore NOT leaving any stone unturned.
So, darling of mine, THIS is gonna hurt you, because, well, I was... um... slapped hard... for being me, and well, I am really rather jealous where you are concerned, and well, I may forgive you because you
1) really THINK you have to be the head, even over me, and well, you are not, because your place is NOT on top of me, sitting on my head, but somewhere under my wing... but I like that you cared enough to really live out your convictions. I like it that you were jealous enough for your place to want to ... correct... me, though you could have shown a but more consideration. I like that you have shown some remorse, but well, what is done is done... .
2)I have not found a concrete reason to throw you away. I was not looking that hard, but I ... love the fact that you are not that difficult to find, or to know where you stand, but ... ah, did I mention revenge?
Because I happen to be someone everyone will have to answer ... TO.
EVERYONE.
I do not want to be ... original... because I am being accused left right and centre for trying to be someone or something I am not, and well, as I said, I never asked for this, but I have, on the other hand, NOT been really ... honest. Oh, yeah, I am rather trying to be as candid as possible, but the truth is, I have been afraid, so much of being rejected that I have not really been... me.
And yet, the one thing that defines me is what I have been hiding, and well, it would have come out, and so, I am putting it out there, and I am therefore NOT leaving any stone unturned.
So, darling of mine, THIS is gonna hurt you, because, well, I was... um... slapped hard... for being me, and well, I am really rather jealous where you are concerned, and well, I may forgive you because you
1) really THINK you have to be the head, even over me, and well, you are not, because your place is NOT on top of me, sitting on my head, but somewhere under my wing... but I like that you cared enough to really live out your convictions. I like it that you were jealous enough for your place to want to ... correct... me, though you could have shown a but more consideration. I like that you have shown some remorse, but well, what is done is done... .
2)I have not found a concrete reason to throw you away. I was not looking that hard, but I ... love the fact that you are not that difficult to find, or to know where you stand, but ... ah, did I mention revenge?
akanditumire gwaro
...
zvikanzi "hona sam
comma
nguva yangu neyako yapesana
uchinge wadzoka kubva kuutapwa
ziva rudo rwedu rwava matongo
zvikanzi hona sam
comma
nguva yangu neyako yapesana
uchinge wadzoka kubva kuutapwaka
uchinge wadzoka kubva kuutapwa
ziva rudo rwedu rwava matongo
zvikanzi hona sam
comma
nguva yangu neyako yapesana
uchinge wadzoka kubva kuutapwaka
ziva rudo rwedu rwapesana
zvikanzi hona sam
comma
I don't love you anymore
zvikanzi hona sam
comma
I don't need you anymore
zvikanzi hona sam
comma
I don't love you anymore
zvikanzi hona sam
comma
I don't need you anymore
she sent me a letter
saying "see here, sam
comma
yours and my time has reached a crossroads
when you come back from captivity...
know that our love is no more
when you come back from prison
know that our love is no more
when you come back from prison
know that in our love we have gone our separate ways
see here, sam
comma
I dont love you anymore"
see here, sam
comma
I dont love you anymore"
Now the story is about a girl "carol" who did this guy sam (short for simon, "shifting sand") a hard turn, because of course, he was expecting a good thing from her, and she sent a very heartrending letter telling the guy, after two months of prison, that she did not love him any more.
Well, one thing I have to admire God for, is that He is never short of things to say, or caught unprepared. I have been having this song in my head for a number of days now, and see, I have been wondering who "sam" is, and well, when I figured out during the course, of the day that He was actually telling me that I have to address the root cause of my current unhappiness and not shift from one foot to the other, I was rather uneasy.
Well, one thing I have to admire God for, is that He is never short of things to say, or caught unprepared. I have been having this song in my head for a number of days now, and see, I have been wondering who "sam" is, and well, when I figured out during the course, of the day that He was actually telling me that I have to address the root cause of my current unhappiness and not shift from one foot to the other, I was rather uneasy.
Now, just to make all this as dirty as possible, caroline was the first girl I had sex with, and she was a prostitute... .
And, for the first time, I actually get to love a person, and when I tell her that she is the only reason why I am not going to america as yet, she decides to hurt me, because, of course, she knows better than me what I ought to do. And HOW.
So, she, of course, because she has all the right to do as she wishes, I have to bow to her whims.
I do not think, my love, you have any idea just how much you hurt me.
I mean, really, I do not think you have any idea, any clue, just how painful and shattering a blow you dealt me, and I was just being... me.
I mean, really, I do not think you have any idea, any clue, just how painful and shattering a blow you dealt me, and I was just being... me.
And I have to ask you, if, when you have probably discovered by now that I am cursed with an inability to forget things, even the smallest details, what you think I ought to do about ... THAT?
Because you have to understand that, unless I have become someone that is ... senile, I am going to make everyone that was involved in that... pay. Which means, to put it rather plainly so that nothing is misunderstood, every male that participated in that, AT LEAST, gets to die. At least. That bro of yours, is dead, and he WILL spend an eternity burning in hell for that, because that is the price you will have to pay for being with me, since those lips of yours are MY lips, and you deliberately provoked me to anger, and THEN expected me to just brushed that aside because I was, what, besotted?
I can not forget. NEVER.
Because you have to understand that, unless I have become someone that is ... senile, I am going to make everyone that was involved in that... pay. Which means, to put it rather plainly so that nothing is misunderstood, every male that participated in that, AT LEAST, gets to die. At least. That bro of yours, is dead, and he WILL spend an eternity burning in hell for that, because that is the price you will have to pay for being with me, since those lips of yours are MY lips, and you deliberately provoked me to anger, and THEN expected me to just brushed that aside because I was, what, besotted?
I can not forget. NEVER.
SO, that guy is dead, and all those you used to provoke me to anger with, every single one of them. To the last male.
Because whoever touches you touches the apple of my eye, and even if you were party to it, it still does not excuse everyone else.
Guess now, your smug mother will run out of ... teachings for you, right, because I MAY spare HER only because she is small fry, and did not make any advances towards you that would inspire my jealousy, but that is it.
If you do not find the ... punishment... that I mete out to you bearable, I will just have to execute the people that you surround yourself with, because I hate being laughed at, and then, I am going to have to send them all to hell anyway, but, save you for mere dust, later.
Because the ONLY way for you to enter my doors and be received by me in any way civilly is if you bow down, and hell, I love you like you would not believe, but I am done being shifting sand. I am screaming in pain because of what you did, and well, I am going to have my revenge, see?
I mean, I was NOT expecting THAT, of all things, because I figured I was on terra firma by then, that I could candidly say my mind to the love of my life, and get a positive response. I never expected her to think, WHAT the fuck do you take me for, someone that is only good for bed? I will show you just what I will do to you, you silly fool, and so, you did.
I am a grown man.
I have had no shoulder to cry on, really, all my life, and for the first time ever, I have had to wish I could have that very human touch for myself.
I have nursed a burning and bruised heart as I see everything turn dark, and I have wondered what I did to deserve being treated like such a doormat.
you could have just SAID your piece to me.
But I had to have a hard blow, one that knocked the breath out of me, and made me wonder what kind of thing you saw me as.
I figured out then that I was really alone, really, really alone, and had no one to shoulder my burden for me, and that was what hurt, because I have never, so blatantly opened up to anyone my whole life.
I needed you, because I remembered what you were like, the person that I observed who cheered my weary heart, as I moved on, knowing that I am the type of person that no one would ever NOTICE, but aware that you noticed ... ME... and liking that, though I doubted, what with everything I was lugging around, whether I could ever hold you in my arms.
Yet I was always kept from the brink of despair by the fact that you seemed genuine, yet nothing went right.
I had no idea that every word of mine went through one ear and out the other, because you were so convinced you KNEW better than me what ought to happen, and I am not even sure whether it was your car I saw today when the train delayed coming, and i walked out of the station and saw that SLK parked by that other gallery near the two kings hotel, and I thought to myself, hell, everyone is expecting God to drop me so they can pick the pieces and then correct me, as to what to do.
Hell, when I said that everyone is going to answer to ME, I meant that everyone is going to account to ME for their lives, and that means I am going to mete out judgement and KILL whoever I want to kill, and rend and destroy whoever I will, because while I did not ask for this, one thing I can never stand, have never ever been able to stand, is being... corrected...
because I am OK the way I am, the way I see, and anything else from fools that do not see is to me an abomination... .
so, prepare, people, to die, for trying to one-up me.
Here are the lyrics of another song that God has been drilling into my head all day, and the words are just these, that you should focus on
Guess now, your smug mother will run out of ... teachings for you, right, because I MAY spare HER only because she is small fry, and did not make any advances towards you that would inspire my jealousy, but that is it.
If you do not find the ... punishment... that I mete out to you bearable, I will just have to execute the people that you surround yourself with, because I hate being laughed at, and then, I am going to have to send them all to hell anyway, but, save you for mere dust, later.
Because the ONLY way for you to enter my doors and be received by me in any way civilly is if you bow down, and hell, I love you like you would not believe, but I am done being shifting sand. I am screaming in pain because of what you did, and well, I am going to have my revenge, see?
I mean, I was NOT expecting THAT, of all things, because I figured I was on terra firma by then, that I could candidly say my mind to the love of my life, and get a positive response. I never expected her to think, WHAT the fuck do you take me for, someone that is only good for bed? I will show you just what I will do to you, you silly fool, and so, you did.
I am a grown man.
I have had no shoulder to cry on, really, all my life, and for the first time ever, I have had to wish I could have that very human touch for myself.
I have nursed a burning and bruised heart as I see everything turn dark, and I have wondered what I did to deserve being treated like such a doormat.
you could have just SAID your piece to me.
But I had to have a hard blow, one that knocked the breath out of me, and made me wonder what kind of thing you saw me as.
I figured out then that I was really alone, really, really alone, and had no one to shoulder my burden for me, and that was what hurt, because I have never, so blatantly opened up to anyone my whole life.
I needed you, because I remembered what you were like, the person that I observed who cheered my weary heart, as I moved on, knowing that I am the type of person that no one would ever NOTICE, but aware that you noticed ... ME... and liking that, though I doubted, what with everything I was lugging around, whether I could ever hold you in my arms.
Yet I was always kept from the brink of despair by the fact that you seemed genuine, yet nothing went right.
I had no idea that every word of mine went through one ear and out the other, because you were so convinced you KNEW better than me what ought to happen, and I am not even sure whether it was your car I saw today when the train delayed coming, and i walked out of the station and saw that SLK parked by that other gallery near the two kings hotel, and I thought to myself, hell, everyone is expecting God to drop me so they can pick the pieces and then correct me, as to what to do.
Hell, when I said that everyone is going to answer to ME, I meant that everyone is going to account to ME for their lives, and that means I am going to mete out judgement and KILL whoever I want to kill, and rend and destroy whoever I will, because while I did not ask for this, one thing I can never stand, have never ever been able to stand, is being... corrected...
because I am OK the way I am, the way I see, and anything else from fools that do not see is to me an abomination... .
so, prepare, people, to die, for trying to one-up me.
Here are the lyrics of another song that God has been drilling into my head all day, and the words are just these, that you should focus on
you heard
what she preferred [ 3:21 ]
And well, I would be silly to not say that I have NOW heard you loud and clear, that you prefer your life to anything to do with me, so, well, I will just have to deal with that, because, of course, what you prefer is that i fold myself and enter your world and stop being so silly, because i am an embarrassment to you as I am.
Well, live with that.
Ah fuck that!
He just went "you're going home with Me tonight" again, so I can not just be as unreasonably despairing as I want to be.
You HAVE tried to show me a better you than before, but I suppose I could say that you have shown me that you really ... ah hell! Life is so ... difficult!
OK, the rest of the lyrics go, from that one
OK, the rest of the lyrics go, from that one
you heard
what she prefered
she want man will make she fly like a bird
she want a real man she no want no nerd
she wan' him be very good mark my word...
she wan' him be very good mark my word...
Well, I have barked a bit, made some noise, and shown that I am no pushover, and THAT is what she was waiting for? No wimpy-sounding person that can not seen to stick to any plan? CRAZY.
I guess if she was willing to offer herself to me when it seemed I had decided to spare the jews, or stuck to a plan, then she probably has a more concrete grasp of who I am, now, because, well, I am concrete on this;- I am NOT backing off and assuming another mantle. I am going to KILL people because I am by nature jealous, because I do not have other people trifle with what interests me, and also, because I am not having it that what is mine someone else tramples on, hell, no.
I guess if she was willing to offer herself to me when it seemed I had decided to spare the jews, or stuck to a plan, then she probably has a more concrete grasp of who I am, now, because, well, I am concrete on this;- I am NOT backing off and assuming another mantle. I am going to KILL people because I am by nature jealous, because I do not have other people trifle with what interests me, and also, because I am not having it that what is mine someone else tramples on, hell, no.
I am the boss.
This world is MINE. I will keep it for myself. Like mugabe speaks about zimbabwe never being a colony again, well, no one will ever have more of a say than me on what happens in MY world.Other wise I WILL go before God asking Him, ah, why do You favour others over me? AM I a beast of burden when You say that You have claimed me for Yourself?
So, that is that. The mav will NOT bear any burdens, or be TOLD what to do by anyone, because, well, everyone is in MY way, and whosoever tries to go toe to toe with me, dies. I am going to kill people, here, everywhere, so that I teach them a lesson ha ha!
not really, I will just kill people because, frankly, I do not like being bothered by rubbish. I am the best, the first, the last, and and no one else comes even close to MY pedigree.
I can NOT stand competition, ever.
Ah, hell, so, now, can I start judging people?
hell, no, I must still figure out this woman, and see if she has ...changed... or if I am stuck in place another day.
Ah, well, I have nothing to lose, because as the song goes, my bedroom law them have fir abide by
can I find it? Damn straight
Now, from memory the words go
not really, I will just kill people because, frankly, I do not like being bothered by rubbish. I am the best, the first, the last, and and no one else comes even close to MY pedigree.
I can NOT stand competition, ever.
Ah, hell, so, now, can I start judging people?
hell, no, I must still figure out this woman, and see if she has ...changed... or if I am stuck in place another day.
Ah, well, I have nothing to lose, because as the song goes, my bedroom law them have fir abide by
Now, from memory the words go
floor to floor me no apply-ply
my bedroom law them have fir abide by
and even if them are early... ah fuck, lets watch it!
YEAH
HO
OH MAN A GALLIS
real top gallis
from me see
girl me walk pon the streets
man a gallis
unicorn are shout
'are you deaf'
man a gallis
& thats the beats
where them send me from Paris
and a pear girl are shine
when them come up on me palace
step inna the club
girl are "pss!"
man a gallis
request me service
them boyfriend are novice
let them wander are pon the lawn
like them are Alice
real top gallis with the girl me nuh go malice
pree girl from uptown
or even pon the gully
side-up
said them wanna whine
bring them the gully slide-up
she are whine up on me
me have one by me side
you know see let her run
that proper skin have fir collide
pon the bed
or even pon the
outside
we make she capital healing
pon the house side
go for me sight tight-it
with the most
pride
take off your nightie
we are the most
ride
fir the girl dem
four to floor
me no apply-ply
my bedroom law them have fir
abide-by
tell them girl me nuh work
with little popeye-pie
even if them are early we still pop eye pie
tell them...
step up on the stage
and the girl is so amazed now
we keep the focus we now gaze now!
YEAH
HO
OH MAN A GALLIS
real top gallis
from me see
girl me walk pon the streets
man a gallis
unicorn are shout
'are you deaf'
man a gallis
& thats the beats
where them send me from Paris
and a pear girl are shine
when them come up on me palace
step inna the club
girl are "pss!"
man a gallis
request me service
them boyfriend are novice
let them wander are pon the lawn
like them are Alice
real top gallis with the girl me nuh go malice
pree girl from uptown
or even pon the gully
side-up
said them wanna whine
bring them the gully slide-up
she are whine up on me
me have one by me side
you know see let her run
that proper skin have fir collide
pon the bed
or even pon the
outside
we make she capital healing
pon the house side
go for me sight tight-it
with the most
pride
take off your nightie
we are the most
ride
fir the girl dem
four to floor
me no apply-ply
my bedroom law them have fir
abide-by
tell them girl me nuh work
with little popeye-pie
even if them are early we still pop eye pie
tell them...
step up on the stage
and the girl is so amazed now
we keep the focus we now gaze now!
OK, so I said I am NOT going to try to be original, and so, this is what are gwaan up. Maybe now you will know just how totally crazy I am, yes?
Now, if you remember the pink panther vision that I was having them fools try to educate ME, the one to who God gave the thing to, about? And I said, as soon as I was certain about it, that there were two brothers, and that, frankly, I wanted them dead? Well, I had said that before, that every male she stood for MUST die because I was not happy with it, but then, I was sort of not certain I could be allowed to get away with it, yes? Because surely the ONLY way I could get away with that was if I answered to no one else, and it was at that time almost dead certain that God had a say in everything, and well, what with me telling of everything He did, I was sure that I would end up not having a leg to stand on, right?
And of course, there is her, the ONE person- ah, by the way, book idiot, and smart chick, you and all yours are still VERY dead, and that can be arranged to your specs, as soon as I get done with my love here, because you are all hanging by a thread till I deal with this funny issue. I will kill you, as I promised, take that to the bank, because I am not actually a person that is good at... refraining from dealing with thorny issues- that I bear NO ill will towards, because well, I see where she is coming from all the time, and I love her ... intentions, but not her methods. I know why she dd what she did, she was so sure I just wanted to use her, by saying things that do not happen, and so, by assuming that, she sort of overlooked the one real thing about me, that I have lived with this, and have decided that everything about me is better without sugarcoating it, just speaking it as is.
Now, if you remember the pink panther vision that I was having them fools try to educate ME, the one to who God gave the thing to, about? And I said, as soon as I was certain about it, that there were two brothers, and that, frankly, I wanted them dead? Well, I had said that before, that every male she stood for MUST die because I was not happy with it, but then, I was sort of not certain I could be allowed to get away with it, yes? Because surely the ONLY way I could get away with that was if I answered to no one else, and it was at that time almost dead certain that God had a say in everything, and well, what with me telling of everything He did, I was sure that I would end up not having a leg to stand on, right?
And of course, there is her, the ONE person- ah, by the way, book idiot, and smart chick, you and all yours are still VERY dead, and that can be arranged to your specs, as soon as I get done with my love here, because you are all hanging by a thread till I deal with this funny issue. I will kill you, as I promised, take that to the bank, because I am not actually a person that is good at... refraining from dealing with thorny issues- that I bear NO ill will towards, because well, I see where she is coming from all the time, and I love her ... intentions, but not her methods. I know why she dd what she did, she was so sure I just wanted to use her, by saying things that do not happen, and so, by assuming that, she sort of overlooked the one real thing about me, that I have lived with this, and have decided that everything about me is better without sugarcoating it, just speaking it as is.
Anyway, I REALLY wanted to kill every male she has consorted with,. because she is MINE-ah, provided she accepts that, and I have not seen her actually say "no" which is probably what the 'you heard/what she preferred' thing comes in, because she has not been her customary boorish self. I mean, I have been feeling more and more possessive of her of late than before, because she has stopped being so... difficult.
I have no real malicious intent towards her, I am just, purely, completely, jealous, as I have said, and would REALLY never be comfortable unless she gave me a reason NOT to be as uneasy about where she spends her time, and the ONLY way that can happen is if she is , as i mentioned earlier, 100% with me. I can even stop myself from personally tearing people apart for that, because i want her, and she alone, and well, me really KEEP that focus me now gazed on.
now, I really, really take a LONG time to change course, but as I was about to explain before I got a bit sidetracked, I have to add that I have lived with other women, and because of that, I have come to KNOW that I must have some kind of guideline where any other woman is concerned, because it has stopped being just about sex with me.
I could never accept a woman with extra baggage on her. I want to be the first and only person in her life, and I do not want the woman to be subject to me, but to realise that she must just freely come into my life, and find it not as difficult to just let me have my way in those things, and then, I am probably game in anything, letting her free to run along as she pleases, because, frankly, THIS woman has made me want to just see her at ease, provided MY conditions are met. THOSE bedroom laws.
ASIDE from that, I am game for anything, also provided that, out of the bedroom, I am made aware of any plans she may have and they have my approval and they do not include other people. That, I guess, is the 'hoko' that she must adhere to, and I find that in all these areas, the one person I actually love has a very big difficulty.
I may find myself having big problems with her, unless she lets me know first of all she is unable to comply, and I can just walk away, because i wont live a difficult life, being already unhappy with life as it is, and then, if she does accept that, it would mean that the woman will have to have a massive change of priorities.Sorry, but if you want me, you will have to ... obey. I will have steadfast love, not sacrifice, hmmm?
I will never let you go, if you can stay on THOSE terms, woman.
Because I will NEVER, ever lay a hand on you, and you coming in any other way would make me very unhappy, and end up where I do not want to go, to begin with!
I have no real malicious intent towards her, I am just, purely, completely, jealous, as I have said, and would REALLY never be comfortable unless she gave me a reason NOT to be as uneasy about where she spends her time, and the ONLY way that can happen is if she is , as i mentioned earlier, 100% with me. I can even stop myself from personally tearing people apart for that, because i want her, and she alone, and well, me really KEEP that focus me now gazed on.
now, I really, really take a LONG time to change course, but as I was about to explain before I got a bit sidetracked, I have to add that I have lived with other women, and because of that, I have come to KNOW that I must have some kind of guideline where any other woman is concerned, because it has stopped being just about sex with me.
I could never accept a woman with extra baggage on her. I want to be the first and only person in her life, and I do not want the woman to be subject to me, but to realise that she must just freely come into my life, and find it not as difficult to just let me have my way in those things, and then, I am probably game in anything, letting her free to run along as she pleases, because, frankly, THIS woman has made me want to just see her at ease, provided MY conditions are met. THOSE bedroom laws.
ASIDE from that, I am game for anything, also provided that, out of the bedroom, I am made aware of any plans she may have and they have my approval and they do not include other people. That, I guess, is the 'hoko' that she must adhere to, and I find that in all these areas, the one person I actually love has a very big difficulty.
I may find myself having big problems with her, unless she lets me know first of all she is unable to comply, and I can just walk away, because i wont live a difficult life, being already unhappy with life as it is, and then, if she does accept that, it would mean that the woman will have to have a massive change of priorities.Sorry, but if you want me, you will have to ... obey. I will have steadfast love, not sacrifice, hmmm?
I will never let you go, if you can stay on THOSE terms, woman.
Because I will NEVER, ever lay a hand on you, and you coming in any other way would make me very unhappy, and end up where I do not want to go, to begin with!
honestly
if I tell
tell you
what
what you wanna know
love
there aint another'
dont want no other lover
i put nothing above you
I kick them to the gutter
you try to shake me
Well, since it is MY story, I would really love it if she could tell me something like that!
Well, I am as I said, first and foremost a warrior, and that means that I am born and bred for combat, and will NOT take any person's interference lightly. I will kill people because, to me that is the natural progression of things, but those that I spare NOW as I move out, will get to see God's point of view in it, so that they just die, but the point is, to me, I am interested, personally, in ENDING people's lives, period. Because, like it or not, I dislike people.
Maybe it was watching Van Helsing and the fact that I prefer a woman that is not so contentious, because i have had to live with myself and see just what my own limits are, but the point of fact still remains that, in my life, there has been no one that bothered, no one that cared, and so, while to her it may seem like I am a bit too detached for life, I am actually thinking that I have a temper that would destroy any life that I may encounter that is that contentious, so that is why I decided to adopt this approach as far as she is concerned
Because the werewolf knows only anger as his first weapon, the undead thing.
Because the werewolf knows only anger as his first weapon, the undead thing.
