Personally, I think the worst mistake anyone could ever make would be to pity me. I am in a currently very pitiful situation, and I am wondering how the fuck I am ever going to get out of it, if I ever get out of it, but then, I have learned that in no ways am I ever, ever to be regarded like a normal person, because well, me and anyone else; we are worlds apart.
Think about it, How long has the caption read on my blog, "before me there were many, after me there shall be no more"? Longer than even my stated intention that I would wipe out every person on the planet. I mean, I have been hinting at my preferences for a long time, and have not been shy about saying them, and getting in people's faces about it, not ONLY because of the fact that I saw the visions and all that, but ALSO because these things resonated with me. I do not think anyone can be so stupid as to say that I am just interested in doing what God wants without my heart being in it. Hell, I have grown to hate the lifestyles of people, the way you all live: I was having problems, from the beginning, with the concept of christ, who comes, out of the blue, and then says that no one can come to The Father except through him. When I found his knowledge of God faulty to begin with. I was unhappy, how can anyone be entrusted with the lives of people when he himself can not even tell the difference between what is alive and waht is dead, which, if 'without him nothing was made that was made' was true, he should know. But he ignored the obvious things, the things God said, that one should not eat anything with blood, because 'the life of anything is in the blood', and he said, "unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it does not bear any fruit, but if it dies, it bears much fruit". Now, it was those slight disparities that made me think, christ is going all rogue, that this does not have God's blessing in it, and then, I thought again, maybe God has a mean streak, and He wants to look good while sending beings like christ to make anyone and everyone ... conform... and thus, not have room to be who he or she wants to be. Because I figured early that only God could possibly understand a person, seeing as how even from the beginning, He said He would "make" man, and He formed the man from the dust, and then, afterwards, He even so designed the womb that the holy spirit, who can not abide water, could NOT have any input into the formative process of a person. Yeah, so he planted christ in a virgin's womb, but that, even modern science has been imitating. It merely showed that he was relying on nature to take its course, in that once an egg is in the duct, there is going to be a result nine months later. Big deal!
Water, the thing I have a love-hate relationship with, the thing I have developed a power
over. I wonder if it ever occurs to anyone that I would NOT get power over anything unless I was inclined that way, like having God eventually, (after my discomfort was so obvious that I found it difficult to remain in church but thought I must because God wanted it that way), saying that He had claimed me for Himself, meaning I did NOT have to conform, that I was OK the way I was, I could be myself, and not have to worry about being crazy because He was backing me up. Hell, I know I want to put all the blame on God and all that, but the facts remain stubbornly pointing to my own complicity in the issue. I WANT things in a certain way, and I do NOT want them any other way. When I complained to Him about being given a woman that I did not like, and thus being unhappy, and it all coming from Him to begin with, He demurred, and said that if it was HIS yoke, I would find it easy to bear, and if it was HIS burden, I would find it light, not heavy, and then He pointed out what I have always wanted, anyway, that when it comes to people, all I want to do is do or say things that are of NO help to the people whatsoever. Academics. Things of no value. Of no help to you.
And now, I am seriously asking God if He is really putting MY life on hold because of some stupid female, that I have to put up with bullshit because for some reason I MUST have the woman in my life? REALLY?
Fuck, that sounds like a radical departure from, "I have claimed you for Myself" because it seems like there actually exists a person that I am supposed to not be able to do without. I am NOT amused. No, I am NOT fucking amused, because i am the one sleeping with an empty stomach, getting up and going on-line so that I can make this nightmare over and move on, while she does whatever with whoever and probably thinks i will come back like a beaten dog with my tail between my legs, and I am staring with ever increasing anger at God, and asking, like, fuck, how did I get HERE? And You are going to just sit and watch and let things degenerate?
I am in discomfort, and frankly I have no idea what I will eat today, and tomorrow, the library is closed, and i have developed a great hatred for this place, and all I can see is that God is letting all this happen, stripping me of any power that I have accumulated, because of some silly fool that by rights i should strangle, for all the things she put me through. I do not know what planet she is from, to think I am even going to back off from the fact that I want, and mean to have, everyone that was in complicity with her dead, and the only reason I could have spared her was that she was, or seemed, afraid of me, even when there seemed no reason to be, even before the "gumboy and rumble" episode. Because I am a fearsome being.Only a fool is NOT afraid of me.To get to the point where I can coldbloodedly say, "I decide who lives or dies", and make my decision and stick to it, well, that is NOT something that any other human being can do. I am sure fools like obama, who send drones to assasinate 'terrorists' feel something akin to what I feel, but theirs is a limited feeling. I am wired different. I actually EXPECT to be answerable to no one, so I do not seek to curb my anger, my intentions. I have stated it quite clearly, that I will NOT share this earth with anyone I am not interested in, and well, I do not know how to shift from my decision.
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Do not be so stupid as to blame this on my mother. She is human, and her reach, her area of influence, is when I am around her. I am NOT anywhere near her, and so, i am a fully functional, angry, God of War, and I wonder when the fuck I will be allowed to let you all SEE it.
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It is about time I knocked the smug smiles off the faces of you fools and did something about MY comfort
Think about it, How long has the caption read on my blog, "before me there were many, after me there shall be no more"? Longer than even my stated intention that I would wipe out every person on the planet. I mean, I have been hinting at my preferences for a long time, and have not been shy about saying them, and getting in people's faces about it, not ONLY because of the fact that I saw the visions and all that, but ALSO because these things resonated with me. I do not think anyone can be so stupid as to say that I am just interested in doing what God wants without my heart being in it. Hell, I have grown to hate the lifestyles of people, the way you all live: I was having problems, from the beginning, with the concept of christ, who comes, out of the blue, and then says that no one can come to The Father except through him. When I found his knowledge of God faulty to begin with. I was unhappy, how can anyone be entrusted with the lives of people when he himself can not even tell the difference between what is alive and waht is dead, which, if 'without him nothing was made that was made' was true, he should know. But he ignored the obvious things, the things God said, that one should not eat anything with blood, because 'the life of anything is in the blood', and he said, "unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it does not bear any fruit, but if it dies, it bears much fruit". Now, it was those slight disparities that made me think, christ is going all rogue, that this does not have God's blessing in it, and then, I thought again, maybe God has a mean streak, and He wants to look good while sending beings like christ to make anyone and everyone ... conform... and thus, not have room to be who he or she wants to be. Because I figured early that only God could possibly understand a person, seeing as how even from the beginning, He said He would "make" man, and He formed the man from the dust, and then, afterwards, He even so designed the womb that the holy spirit, who can not abide water, could NOT have any input into the formative process of a person. Yeah, so he planted christ in a virgin's womb, but that, even modern science has been imitating. It merely showed that he was relying on nature to take its course, in that once an egg is in the duct, there is going to be a result nine months later. Big deal!
Water, the thing I have a love-hate relationship with, the thing I have developed a power
And now, I am seriously asking God if He is really putting MY life on hold because of some stupid female, that I have to put up with bullshit because for some reason I MUST have the woman in my life? REALLY?
Fuck, that sounds like a radical departure from, "I have claimed you for Myself" because it seems like there actually exists a person that I am supposed to not be able to do without. I am NOT amused. No, I am NOT fucking amused, because i am the one sleeping with an empty stomach, getting up and going on-line so that I can make this nightmare over and move on, while she does whatever with whoever and probably thinks i will come back like a beaten dog with my tail between my legs, and I am staring with ever increasing anger at God, and asking, like, fuck, how did I get HERE? And You are going to just sit and watch and let things degenerate?
I am in discomfort, and frankly I have no idea what I will eat today, and tomorrow, the library is closed, and i have developed a great hatred for this place, and all I can see is that God is letting all this happen, stripping me of any power that I have accumulated, because of some silly fool that by rights i should strangle, for all the things she put me through. I do not know what planet she is from, to think I am even going to back off from the fact that I want, and mean to have, everyone that was in complicity with her dead, and the only reason I could have spared her was that she was, or seemed, afraid of me, even when there seemed no reason to be, even before the "gumboy and rumble" episode. Because I am a fearsome being.Only a fool is NOT afraid of me.To get to the point where I can coldbloodedly say, "I decide who lives or dies", and make my decision and stick to it, well, that is NOT something that any other human being can do. I am sure fools like obama, who send drones to assasinate 'terrorists' feel something akin to what I feel, but theirs is a limited feeling. I am wired different. I actually EXPECT to be answerable to no one, so I do not seek to curb my anger, my intentions. I have stated it quite clearly, that I will NOT share this earth with anyone I am not interested in, and well, I do not know how to shift from my decision.
Do not be so stupid as to blame this on my mother. She is human, and her reach, her area of influence, is when I am around her. I am NOT anywhere near her, and so, i am a fully functional, angry, God of War, and I wonder when the fuck I will be allowed to let you all SEE it.
Because when you do see it, then you will grasp just how much I hate you.Which reminds me, it can not only have been fear, otherwise she would have stayed away, but whatever it is, she had better make up her mind what she wants while she stilll can breathe, because I am getting rather annoyed with all this hold-up.
NO ONE TAKES PRECEDENCE OVER ME.
ever
NO ONE TAKES PRECEDENCE OVER ME.
ever
.
It is about time I knocked the smug smiles off the faces of you fools and did something about MY comfort
