Now, what am I going to do. I have no idea. No, I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am just feeling weird. This is a strange situation I find myself in. I am almost hoping that the silly woman spits in my face or something, somehow, because all my life I have been weaning myself from people, my mother, my sisters, everyone, and yet when it comes to her it seems like I am getting busy tying myself to her, and well, this is silly. God has been telling me over and over that I am not going to be left to fall, but, well, while that is OK to tell ME, who tells people like HER that it is useless to try to impose silly conditions on me because I can not bear this rubbish, which reminds me
of when this was thrown in my face, and I went after the woman, trying to figure out whether she thought me so stupid that I would overlook everything
because she was 'looking after' the same person she pissed me off with?
And I am NOT asking you to come anywhere with me. I think frankly I will tell you that I lost all trust in you after all your antics, and I would not touch you with one of those poles that they use to catch snakes with. . As for him and the others you thought to shield, they are dead, whether you say aye or nay. That is NOT something I am going to discus with you or anyone.
Fuck, it looks like it IS going to rain. The weather does not seem all that friendly for a night out.
Even if I COULD find a place to lay my head in this place.
Makes me want to ask if God is CRAZY for allowing all this, but then, He is the One Who let me get hiv, and then later on started on me with that vision about my cousin -family again!- bringing a book that had that... hole... and was open all pages, in her left hand.
Easy to read.
I AM crazy. Crazy songs for a crazy time! I was singing, "Oh ho I'm an alien/ an illegal alien/ I'm a zimbabwean in cape town". Now, God says He will guide me. That is bound to be painful. In the Free State!
This is somewhat... difficult.
I suppose, if i am honest with myself, if she dusted herself off to be the person I have glimpsed when she has been unsure of herself around me, well, I think she could be a delightful person to be around, and i would not have that many regrets. But, hell, I had developed a sort of fixed idea of how things would happen, but each one of my preconceptions is getting knocked out the window. And not a single one of them is taking root.
It is all so... funny, in a sense.
I thought I had God's thoughts towards me figured out, and was sort of just drifting, thinking, well, God, this is what You are going to do anyway, and so, why should I bother, but there have been strange twists and turns that have left me with absolutely no idea what will happen next. The only thing I am sure of is that I am not even going to try to guess.
but we never gonna survive
unless
we get a little crazy
no we never gonna survive unless
we are a little crazy.
How about this one that He was using long before I had even thought I was ALLOWED to stand firm upon my own decisions, the one by capleton's contemporary/nemesis, the one that He was speaking of as it being an abomination to God? I mean, I know that I do NOT conform to what a person who has anything to do with God MUST, according to you all BE, but when you see the sky darken with my mood, and you see me unable to even harm myself, hard as i try, most times in your sight, then there IS something supernatural happening there, and heck, it is about time you just got to deal with it. God will NEVER, ever take anyone's side against me.
no no no no way
Bad man no fuck butty
no no no no way
Well, I have my own thoughts about sucking pussy. I have found it rather... nice. Depends on the woman, I guess.
But to have some woman start to tell you how things should be because she thinks you want pussy so much or are stranded, when in effect you are holding yourself back, well, that is conceit, is it not? I mean, lets call it into a contest right now, and I decide to show off what i have in my arsenal, and she comes with what she has, and we see who is left standing. I have tried, painfully, to be clear where I stand, and why I am doing what i am doing, and the result has been, for me, conclusions drawn out of thin air like a conjuror's tricks. When i was being plain. For a long time i have been afraid that i was going to kill her, and i have been seeing it happening, and more than once it has physically affected me. I said it, even before I decided to stop paying attention to her, and it seemed like i was some weakling, from the way the people responded to me. They all assumed that nothing like that would ever happen, and I see yellow bellies like mike-he must be crowing over kalk bay now, now that I am gone- would get behind her and she would get all puffed up, and I would see an ugly person, uglier by the minute. All because they assumed that i would never ever cross the line.
Rule number one:_ all rules are meant to be broken, all lines are meant to be crossed. That is the code I live by, or used to, before finding out that well, you do not have to cross ALL lines, but there are some that just HAVE to be crossed, and so, now, there she is, and I have a line that... well, she is NOT God, she can not defend herself, if it comes to a contest, fuck it, not a single one of you all, or ALL of you, if I came out against you, just for the hell of it, would stand before me, and now, I have to ask myself, is what I am posting actually getting THROUGH or are we still at the "never, God is with us and will never abandon us for a black man" stage?
Because I do not make assumptions. Remember, I have NOTHING to lose. No deep roots.
This people, is MY time. HIStory is about ME, and I am almost done talking, because anyone can yap. I just want to be busy.
It would be NICE to wrap it up right here, like say, "QED" It is done. I have grown to hate this. I hate arguing. Especially with people who never take the time to check where they stand FIRST.
Now, I just want to yank the rugs from under your feet and get done. I have a brain I have never used, and I have the hour glass running out of sand as the seven years left me to actually get OFF the planet have started already and I am still NOT even doing anything, and well, fuck it,if anyone wants to argue about it, talk to the hand, or better yet, go to hell, because "I never did like and i never will love fans".
I think that, all things said and done, the only thing VIRGIN that I will be coming close to- i will avoid the conceited one, thank you very much, because she has a LOT of explaining to do before she can even come anywhere near me, which thing I doubt very much she would ever do, she does not have any backbone of herself as I noticed, you push and prod a person and she hides behind others! -will be the space i will travel in. Where no man has ever gone before. That way I will have no comparisons!
Ah, fuck it, this is a face that not even a MOTHER would love, so why waste my time thinking of love. Lets just forget about this bullshit and get REAL. Oh, yeah, like I wanted to get real with the 'going home' bit?
I forget that God is involved. This makes me want to just get drunk!
At least NO ONE will be calling me "tunga" because that is in the past. "prince" I am, and "prince" i will remain. I deliberately chose that name not only because it was close in meaning to my given name, but also because its so... ugly. NO one who SPEAKS english would give their child such a name, it is so undignified, makes people do a double take when you introduce yourself, like they wonder if it is for real or not. Do you take yourself for a prince or not. It was just a name, to get over the shame of my youth, and suddenly, like God calling Himself El-Shaddai;- the Breasted One, or The All Sufficient One, like a mother's breast is all-sufficient for a child, it became functional, and I have become without actually being aware of it, the prince of the universe, the pre-eminent one.
Hell, going home, or NOT going home, is one problem solved,and now, I have these other ones, or this one, and then the problem of getting to the US. I will take the Jo'burg international airport, which should be deserted by the time I get there. I think I will take a cop's car just to get there.
NOW, the Maverick needs some shut-eye. I need a place to just sit and sleep the remainder of the day and night, and tomorrow will be another day, another story.
Fuck it, God, end this. You said You had a PLAN!
I just do NOT see it coming together. Reminds me of the last movie I saw. While trying to avoid the likes of red-breeches and the apple of my eye. The remake of the A-Team, with the modern cast. The Flash drive froze when Face was telling that former captain, "you heard I was a player, saw I was a player and then I got serious and you ... RAN", before leaving her handcuffed to the rails in that elevator or phone booth at that koningsbay bank.
Guess some women can not handle the... truth. Oh, fuck, I am not going to try to see anything. NO. I am done with that side of south africa. Which means I am going to just have to make a ... remote decision, because the woman is well, she gives new meaning to yellow. I have never seen a person so scared of being herself.
Well, NOT being you will kill you!maybe you think I lie. I have been down that road before.
I am wondering, really what the fuck to do with myself. God did not design me a zombie which He just places where He wants and it stays there. NO, I am unfortunately a THINKING person, and then, after that, a person who test those thoughts, crazy sometimes as they are.I remember once, worrying about the fact that nothing I was doing was... normal, it was all getting insane, and by then I was just worrying about the Goldbach Conjecture, and not even women had entered the equation then, and He answered me, "Why be normal?"
Since then I have not looked to God for level-headed advice. I mean, how can you relax around someone Who says that He will be WITH you when you go through fire?
Since then I have not looked to God for level-headed advice. I mean, how can you relax around someone Who says that He will be WITH you when you go through fire?
Speaking of fire...
no no no no way
Bad man no fuck butty
no no no no way
Well, I have my own thoughts about sucking pussy. I have found it rather... nice. Depends on the woman, I guess.
But to have some woman start to tell you how things should be because she thinks you want pussy so much or are stranded, when in effect you are holding yourself back, well, that is conceit, is it not? I mean, lets call it into a contest right now, and I decide to show off what i have in my arsenal, and she comes with what she has, and we see who is left standing. I have tried, painfully, to be clear where I stand, and why I am doing what i am doing, and the result has been, for me, conclusions drawn out of thin air like a conjuror's tricks. When i was being plain. For a long time i have been afraid that i was going to kill her, and i have been seeing it happening, and more than once it has physically affected me. I said it, even before I decided to stop paying attention to her, and it seemed like i was some weakling, from the way the people responded to me. They all assumed that nothing like that would ever happen, and I see yellow bellies like mike-he must be crowing over kalk bay now, now that I am gone- would get behind her and she would get all puffed up, and I would see an ugly person, uglier by the minute. All because they assumed that i would never ever cross the line.
Rule number one:_ all rules are meant to be broken, all lines are meant to be crossed. That is the code I live by, or used to, before finding out that well, you do not have to cross ALL lines, but there are some that just HAVE to be crossed, and so, now, there she is, and I have a line that... well, she is NOT God, she can not defend herself, if it comes to a contest, fuck it, not a single one of you all, or ALL of you, if I came out against you, just for the hell of it, would stand before me, and now, I have to ask myself, is what I am posting actually getting THROUGH or are we still at the "never, God is with us and will never abandon us for a black man" stage?
Because I do not make assumptions. Remember, I have NOTHING to lose. No deep roots.
This people, is MY time. HIStory is about ME, and I am almost done talking, because anyone can yap. I just want to be busy.
It would be NICE to wrap it up right here, like say, "QED" It is done. I have grown to hate this. I hate arguing. Especially with people who never take the time to check where they stand FIRST.
Now, I just want to yank the rugs from under your feet and get done. I have a brain I have never used, and I have the hour glass running out of sand as the seven years left me to actually get OFF the planet have started already and I am still NOT even doing anything, and well, fuck it,if anyone wants to argue about it, talk to the hand, or better yet, go to hell, because "I never did like and i never will love fans".
eh yo well
my main aim is to mantain
beyond [2014]
stay alive Jah Jah me [nuh] fear
take care of we brethren
because the system designed with a holy-par flaw
and be tole
and a dancehall little bit again
and why i walked in line
them they said do it again
and a dancehall little bit again
and why i walked in line
them they said do it again
my main aim is to stay sane
because I never did like and i never will love fans {or opposition}
I think that, all things said and done, the only thing VIRGIN that I will be coming close to- i will avoid the conceited one, thank you very much, because she has a LOT of explaining to do before she can even come anywhere near me, which thing I doubt very much she would ever do, she does not have any backbone of herself as I noticed, you push and prod a person and she hides behind others! -will be the space i will travel in. Where no man has ever gone before. That way I will have no comparisons!
Ah, fuck it, this is a face that not even a MOTHER would love, so why waste my time thinking of love. Lets just forget about this bullshit and get REAL. Oh, yeah, like I wanted to get real with the 'going home' bit?
I forget that God is involved. This makes me want to just get drunk!
Hell, going home, or NOT going home, is one problem solved,and now, I have these other ones, or this one, and then the problem of getting to the US. I will take the Jo'burg international airport, which should be deserted by the time I get there. I think I will take a cop's car just to get there.
NOW, the Maverick needs some shut-eye. I need a place to just sit and sleep the remainder of the day and night, and tomorrow will be another day, another story.
Fuck it, God, end this. You said You had a PLAN!
I just do NOT see it coming together. Reminds me of the last movie I saw. While trying to avoid the likes of red-breeches and the apple of my eye. The remake of the A-Team, with the modern cast. The Flash drive froze when Face was telling that former captain, "you heard I was a player, saw I was a player and then I got serious and you ... RAN", before leaving her handcuffed to the rails in that elevator or phone booth at that koningsbay bank.
Guess some women can not handle the... truth. Oh, fuck, I am not going to try to see anything. NO. I am done with that side of south africa. Which means I am going to just have to make a ... remote decision, because the woman is well, she gives new meaning to yellow. I have never seen a person so scared of being herself.
Well, NOT being you will kill you!maybe you think I lie. I have been down that road before.
