I ask myself, really, what the holdup IS, because frankly, I do not see the need for any dilly-dallying. I want you all dead, and there is no reason I can THINK of that you still should be alive, and yet, there you are, all of you, alive and kicking, walking along, with the 'fatso's doing their normal "I see you" drive-bys, and it brings me back to why I fucking hate God so much!
He did not have to come INTO my life, He did NOT have to rescue me when my mother drowned me, He did not have to make Himself known to me years later when I was entering my youth (Guarding His investment I guess!) and then become this laid back, confident, irritating Voice with things like, "try the falco effect", "be yourself", "I have claimed you for Myself" and send all those other visions. I did NOT ask Him for anything, except, as far as I recall, freely, just what the fuck He wanted in my life. And now, I am stuck here, and I confess to being ... scared... that the days are going and I am going to be packed on a bus and carted back home, and then that is all there is for His vaunted promises.
Today would be the day, if the original bookings had stood, that I would have been on a bus going home, and it hit me on the way to the library,and while I look frankly at everything that He has said and it has come to pass, I still know just how ... slow... He is when it is something that I am... interested in, almost as if I am imposing on Him, like I am now having to beg Him, to rouse Him from important business just so that He can attend a pitiful member of the human species like me.
I mean, fuck You! Arsehole!
You make a promise and now I have to lick Your arse to have it accomplished? Bullshit!
I wonder why He did not pull His stunts on some white people; they have this mentality that everything ... good... or great must come to them because they are the best. I mean, how else do you explain total strangers trying to correct ME in what I am about -and them fools are white- and, whenever I am like this, for example, down and depressed, out their come with their alternative solutions, like I actually give a hoot what they have to say, the little insects!
They spend their days, nights, plotting how to humble this recalcitrant black nonesuch, because to them, there should certainly exist some 'white worm' somewhere to tap into my thinking, one that will turn my thinking around to make me an acceptable member of society, like showing up with one's brother and kissing- I have FOUR sisters, two or whom I am very close to, one I despise because she wanted to compete with me, and one I used to look up to growing up, and, maybe it is a black thing, but I would NEVER be found kissing them, or pretending that this is my girlfriend or such to make someone else jealous. I mean, I am a straightforward guy, I believe in a direct approach. Why resort to subterfuge unless, maybe, there IS somethign wrong that you are doing? It is disgusting to me, all that has happened, and I do not care what anyone else says, but if and when I actually get God to get off His arse and DO something, do not think that I will overlook any of that. I have tried to figure out what the bitch was THINKING, even after she showed up and had worry lines on her face and evidence that she had not slept well, I mean, just what the FUCK was going through her silly mind as she did that? Its sick. Disgusting. And I want NONE of it- when I say that I want to go to the US. I mean, even if the guy was your boyfriend, what kinf of a jackass is he that likes to be used at an exhibition like that? A dickless one, I guess. Its sickening, all of this, and the fact that I am unable to DO anything about it at present makes me fume and rage all the more, because this fucking GOD does not see fit to just get donwewith His nail-painting and get one with it, the Arsehole!
I suppose that it is because the woman is blonde. Cant help it, I guess, it is a well known fact that blonde women, well, they have trouble with reality. Must be something in the hair. Like that episode in The Simpsons where this guy gets electrocuted and homer gets his toupee and the hair cells of the dead murderer start causing homer to become homicidal himself. I think that it really IS the hair,and I wonder if she can actually THINK for herself. I doubt it. Must run to some otehr people for this, and that, and get their advice, like it would ever happen that any person will be 100% supportive of what some other person wants. Its disgusting, all of this, and I am sitting here, today, when I should be busy figuring out how to work the controls of a plane, and having, at least, the time of my flight as the various things I read about planes get to meet with the face-to-face reality of being ON one, and at the controls. Fuck it God, this is really annoying. Do You actually not get it just how much I HATE seeing them fools trying to make me over or intimidate me, or do whatever while You, the sole reason I am HERE to begin with, sit on Your Arse and do NOT get Your end sorted. I mean, what the fuck? Do I now have to , after all Your speeches to the contrary, have to be Your servant or something and PRAY to You, asking You like a good little-boy to please help me out?
Pamhata!
Live up to Your word, I want these fools dead, and to get out of here!
Ah, fuck this, let me go and face ANOTHER horrible day!!!
OMG!
Today would be the day, if the original bookings had stood, that I would have been on a bus going home, and it hit me on the way to the library,and while I look frankly at everything that He has said and it has come to pass, I still know just how ... slow... He is when it is something that I am... interested in, almost as if I am imposing on Him, like I am now having to beg Him, to rouse Him from important business just so that He can attend a pitiful member of the human species like me.
I mean, fuck You! Arsehole!
You make a promise and now I have to lick Your arse to have it accomplished? Bullshit!
I wonder why He did not pull His stunts on some white people; they have this mentality that everything ... good... or great must come to them because they are the best. I mean, how else do you explain total strangers trying to correct ME in what I am about -and them fools are white- and, whenever I am like this, for example, down and depressed, out their come with their alternative solutions, like I actually give a hoot what they have to say, the little insects!
They spend their days, nights, plotting how to humble this recalcitrant black nonesuch, because to them, there should certainly exist some 'white worm' somewhere to tap into my thinking, one that will turn my thinking around to make me an acceptable member of society, like showing up with one's brother and kissing- I have FOUR sisters, two or whom I am very close to, one I despise because she wanted to compete with me, and one I used to look up to growing up, and, maybe it is a black thing, but I would NEVER be found kissing them, or pretending that this is my girlfriend or such to make someone else jealous. I mean, I am a straightforward guy, I believe in a direct approach. Why resort to subterfuge unless, maybe, there IS somethign wrong that you are doing? It is disgusting to me, all that has happened, and I do not care what anyone else says, but if and when I actually get God to get off His arse and DO something, do not think that I will overlook any of that. I have tried to figure out what the bitch was THINKING, even after she showed up and had worry lines on her face and evidence that she had not slept well, I mean, just what the FUCK was going through her silly mind as she did that? Its sick. Disgusting. And I want NONE of it- when I say that I want to go to the US. I mean, even if the guy was your boyfriend, what kinf of a jackass is he that likes to be used at an exhibition like that? A dickless one, I guess. Its sickening, all of this, and the fact that I am unable to DO anything about it at present makes me fume and rage all the more, because this fucking GOD does not see fit to just get donwewith His nail-painting and get one with it, the Arsehole!
I suppose that it is because the woman is blonde. Cant help it, I guess, it is a well known fact that blonde women, well, they have trouble with reality. Must be something in the hair. Like that episode in The Simpsons where this guy gets electrocuted and homer gets his toupee and the hair cells of the dead murderer start causing homer to become homicidal himself. I think that it really IS the hair,and I wonder if she can actually THINK for herself. I doubt it. Must run to some otehr people for this, and that, and get their advice, like it would ever happen that any person will be 100% supportive of what some other person wants. Its disgusting, all of this, and I am sitting here, today, when I should be busy figuring out how to work the controls of a plane, and having, at least, the time of my flight as the various things I read about planes get to meet with the face-to-face reality of being ON one, and at the controls. Fuck it God, this is really annoying. Do You actually not get it just how much I HATE seeing them fools trying to make me over or intimidate me, or do whatever while You, the sole reason I am HERE to begin with, sit on Your Arse and do NOT get Your end sorted. I mean, what the fuck? Do I now have to , after all Your speeches to the contrary, have to be Your servant or something and PRAY to You, asking You like a good little-boy to please help me out?
Pamhata!
Live up to Your word, I want these fools dead, and to get out of here!
Ah, fuck this, let me go and face ANOTHER horrible day!!!
OMG!
