I am still stuck in ventersburg, hungry, and clueless as to how to move on. I am feeling like getting more than a bit aggressive. The kid I was with, name, patrick, seems to have given up on me since I ran out of money, which is good, because I am getting more than a little upset. being held up because of ... people is NOT something I relish
I am thinking of the other bothersome stuff, like for example that since vinnie's phone number was listed in place of next of kin, it follows that, when I did not show up, maybe to cover their asses, the people of chihwa bus service may have informed him so that he knows by now that I did not make it to zimbabwe, but that is just a minor worry. He is just a person, and people, at this time, bore me. I worry about the only Being to have given me pause, to have drawn a line that I realise I can not cross, God. Ordinarily, I would say, "I go where I want to go", and "I do what I want to do", but where He is concerned, I have... limitations. I can not do as I wish, if it is contrary to His word, otherwise I would be happily dead right now. I can not die, can not harm myself, can not overlook even the slightest of His words, and for the umpteenth time, am very confident that I am going to kill off everyone but those I want to remain alive, because I filtered off everything till I got to what suits me, of His word.
It is simple, give a person who is reluctant to even ... use... his brain a challenge, something that borders on the uncomfortable, for him, and close the door that he thinks he ought to have to avoid dealing with the issue and you have a person going from the absurd to the unusual, trying to figure out the most innocuous rendition of a statement from his... Jailor. The one that makes him the most comfortable, in his prison, and well, speaking of which, just so you know, THIS is the list of people that will make it, far as I am concerned, to the 'dust' time:-
-Mom
-Dad
-My four sisters:-
Chenesai
Yewukayi
Chengetai
Moreblessing
-My eldests sister's firstborn, my nephew Delight
-My aunt, Violet
-Her daughter, Tsungayi
-My favourite cousin, Tariro
-My "little mother", Mavis.
There was that vision with the coffins. Now, I am a guy who likes things that are... easy... and well, at first I wanted to ... FORCE... God "A God of thin VIOLENCE", to bring back to life my two uncles, tariro's father and my mother's brother, but then, I figured that if they were meant to live, they would not have died at all. God does not seem to operate that way, and so, I let it all go.That means something different, and right now, I am more than a bit pissed off at God that He is letting this continue to play out, and is even smugly quoting that song/ jesus statement "the day is not known unto man", and so, I am irritated.
He is cheating, of course. What it is is supposed to be, me having the 'core purpose', like the hard earth and Him just doing the supernatural, the ... THIN... stuff, like the atmosphere surrounding the earth, but when it comes right down to it, He STARTS everything, from what I should even think, to when, and how. All I do is figure how to best wear the garment.
Look at joshua. He was in this situation:- if he let the kings gathered against him to regroup in the dark, he would have been overwhelmed, so he asked God to let the sun stand still for a whole day, and the sun did. Yeah, God answered him because he was acting according to His will, to wipe out the peoples that were polluting His land. Oh, fuck. Guess it is NOT cheating then, is it. I mean, God comes with a PLAN, and the best, the ONLY thing anyone can do, because He does not make mistakes and is never in error, is to go ALONG with the plan, and then God is manifested, and does His supernatural bit thereby. The "thin violence".
And I suppose I am the ONLY person that is like a clean blackboard that He felt He could write whatever He wanted and it would not be erased.
Talk about 'free will'. I have none. I either face this and get done, or I face it and get done.
Now, I wonder whether it actually seems likely to ... someone... that if she does not change she will go to hell, because that is what is basically keeping me still here.
I guess I must have sounded silly way back when when I quoted that song with the words. "Mwari akatuma abaraham/kuenda kugomo reMoriah",that is when God sent abraham to go kill his son if he loved Him and would obey Him. But this is the 'crunch' time, where I am taking on the mantle, the only one I can, of the AlMighty God, and ordering the one I want to "walk before me and be thou perfect" to give up her people, and 'the child', and obedience, well, means life, disobedience means death. Because this is NO longer the time to kid either myself or her that we are equals or that she can get by by thinking that what I can do, what I am ALLOWED to do, she can do, because while I may be a prisoner, I am far from being a toothless prisoner. This, I think, is the time that she realises that I am interested in her response, and that she ... answers... to me, but not as to a mere man. I may be many things, but I was NEVER a mere person. Not even from the day I was born.
It pleased YHWH to bruise him...
YHWH said to my lord, "Sit at My right hand till I make your enemies your footstool".
Maybe this is the time we stopped playing games. I am either in absolute command over your lives, or not, and while I am sure plenty people have their own opnions, I am asking questions of only ONE person, and well, we will see whether there is any truth/backbone in her.
I am going to finish 'gone tomorrow' because unlike any of you, who are stuck in the rut of your lives, I do not have any such inhibition, I could be "gone tomorrow" and send you all to hell, as a consequence. Yeahsss!
I am thinking of the other bothersome stuff, like for example that since vinnie's phone number was listed in place of next of kin, it follows that, when I did not show up, maybe to cover their asses, the people of chihwa bus service may have informed him so that he knows by now that I did not make it to zimbabwe, but that is just a minor worry. He is just a person, and people, at this time, bore me. I worry about the only Being to have given me pause, to have drawn a line that I realise I can not cross, God. Ordinarily, I would say, "I go where I want to go", and "I do what I want to do", but where He is concerned, I have... limitations. I can not do as I wish, if it is contrary to His word, otherwise I would be happily dead right now. I can not die, can not harm myself, can not overlook even the slightest of His words, and for the umpteenth time, am very confident that I am going to kill off everyone but those I want to remain alive, because I filtered off everything till I got to what suits me, of His word.
It is simple, give a person who is reluctant to even ... use... his brain a challenge, something that borders on the uncomfortable, for him, and close the door that he thinks he ought to have to avoid dealing with the issue and you have a person going from the absurd to the unusual, trying to figure out the most innocuous rendition of a statement from his... Jailor. The one that makes him the most comfortable, in his prison, and well, speaking of which, just so you know, THIS is the list of people that will make it, far as I am concerned, to the 'dust' time:-
-Mom
-Dad
-My four sisters:-
Chenesai
Yewukayi
Chengetai
Moreblessing
-My eldests sister's firstborn, my nephew Delight
-My aunt, Violet
-Her daughter, Tsungayi
-My favourite cousin, Tariro
-My "little mother", Mavis.
There was that vision with the coffins. Now, I am a guy who likes things that are... easy... and well, at first I wanted to ... FORCE... God "A God of thin VIOLENCE", to bring back to life my two uncles, tariro's father and my mother's brother, but then, I figured that if they were meant to live, they would not have died at all. God does not seem to operate that way, and so, I let it all go.That means something different, and right now, I am more than a bit pissed off at God that He is letting this continue to play out, and is even smugly quoting that song/ jesus statement "the day is not known unto man", and so, I am irritated.
Look at joshua. He was in this situation:- if he let the kings gathered against him to regroup in the dark, he would have been overwhelmed, so he asked God to let the sun stand still for a whole day, and the sun did. Yeah, God answered him because he was acting according to His will, to wipe out the peoples that were polluting His land. Oh, fuck. Guess it is NOT cheating then, is it. I mean, God comes with a PLAN, and the best, the ONLY thing anyone can do, because He does not make mistakes and is never in error, is to go ALONG with the plan, and then God is manifested, and does His supernatural bit thereby. The "thin violence".
And I suppose I am the ONLY person that is like a clean blackboard that He felt He could write whatever He wanted and it would not be erased.
Talk about 'free will'. I have none. I either face this and get done, or I face it and get done.
Now, I wonder whether it actually seems likely to ... someone... that if she does not change she will go to hell, because that is what is basically keeping me still here.
I guess I must have sounded silly way back when when I quoted that song with the words. "Mwari akatuma abaraham/kuenda kugomo reMoriah",that is when God sent abraham to go kill his son if he loved Him and would obey Him. But this is the 'crunch' time, where I am taking on the mantle, the only one I can, of the AlMighty God, and ordering the one I want to "walk before me and be thou perfect" to give up her people, and 'the child', and obedience, well, means life, disobedience means death. Because this is NO longer the time to kid either myself or her that we are equals or that she can get by by thinking that what I can do, what I am ALLOWED to do, she can do, because while I may be a prisoner, I am far from being a toothless prisoner. This, I think, is the time that she realises that I am interested in her response, and that she ... answers... to me, but not as to a mere man. I may be many things, but I was NEVER a mere person. Not even from the day I was born.
It pleased YHWH to bruise him...
YHWH said to my lord, "Sit at My right hand till I make your enemies your footstool".
Maybe this is the time we stopped playing games. I am either in absolute command over your lives, or not, and while I am sure plenty people have their own opnions, I am asking questions of only ONE person, and well, we will see whether there is any truth/backbone in her.
I am going to finish 'gone tomorrow' because unlike any of you, who are stuck in the rut of your lives, I do not have any such inhibition, I could be "gone tomorrow" and send you all to hell, as a consequence. Yeahsss!
