Continuity Seems To Be The Name Of The Game

I never thought God had visible... footprints, but now, they are so glaringly obvious that I am left wondering why I never connected the dots. When at the bus station, the couple, with a child, that I sat next to ended up being the people I who had booked the other two seats, number 47 and 48, on the three seater section.I was number 46, right by the window

I get along with people easily, and observing their attachment to... life and saying witty things makes me forget the horror of my own life, a bit. Guess He does it on purpose, when the pressure is too much for me. Like sending chaperones after me.
Now, I am not saying I am suicidal, but the thing is, He is doing it again. Someone once asked, what do you give to someone who has nothing to lose?
Something TO lose. Something to care for. Now, people, after a while, bore me. I have a limited span of tolerance, and then I cut myself off, because me and whoever will be rubbing each other the wrong way. Now, this morning, while basking in the sun at Voortrekker road, leaning against a shop that is, ironically, called "mike's shop"- yeah, MIKE GRRRRRRR- while waiting for a decent hour for me to go online, up comes this boy, who looks so like these locals I wanted to fob him off, and then he spoke in shona, and now, we are thick as thieves. He was moving in the opposite direction to me, going down south while I was trying to move up north, and I ended up, a little while ago, giving him the too-tight sneakers that I was given, in exchange for the laces on his old shoes, so that my former prison wear does not make me stand out so much without laces.
God doing it again. Of course, it is not going to last, but right now, I am not gnawing my lips in anger and rage. I can NOT say I am thinking clearly, hell, I am basically numb at the moment, because I am clueless as to what to do, but hey, I am at least not beating my head against a rock or something.
I am at an emotional doldrums, and if you were in this section, you would only need to look at the sky to see what i mean. I am even ashamed of lugging my very big overcoat around. I gathered my courage and was, a little while ago, in the library, and looked for a jack reacher book, and there was "gone tomorrow", and i went, with my fast reading style, about a quarter through it in little more than an hour, while trying to figure out where the story-line was headed, and left because the boy was getting uncomfortable. I did not ask his name, even now I do not know it, but he has one of those expensive samsung touch-screen phones that, judging by his appearance, he caould not have come by honestly, but i do not bother myself with esoterica. Hmm, let me see if I can snap him now as he tries to get it fixed

Check out the sneakers. Hell, my toes STILL feel the pain and anguish. I remember laughing when I was told, as the bus went past kraaifontein and the moon was rising, all full and ghostly, this line from a jimmy swaggart song, "you wont leave here like you came", and I was like, except for the transport, I am leaving EXACTLY like I came, with shoes too tight and all.
but I still havent left, have I? I am still in south africa. The next stage is an unknown, even to me, and well, I am done trying to second-guess God.

Yeah, this one is about right, from the days when I tried to be a christian till God stopped it with His, "I have claimed you for Myself" speech, right in church. Well, now we are clear that christ is a persona-non-grata, so I can just speak about the song and know that, for me at least, there are no holy connotations involved:- I mean, who can be condemned for another's crime? And who would be stupid enough to want to be told that someone else has paid for your crimes. NO, God does NOT work like that, He... compares people with His standard, and anyone who seems to be reaching for the standard gets God to act mercilessly against the rest. Look at Noah, at abraham. Now, look at me. Because I am... me, then for MY sake, God is going to kill off everyone else. Rule of thumb. Nothing and no one can change that. That is why I am not ultimately worried. About whether He is crazy or not. Of course He is, but then, normal behaviour? This is so NOT the time.

I am the ONLY person that can claim that God is bothered when I am bothered, and when I cry, He cries, and so, you can connect the dots. Let me put it this way. I am not only trying to terrify you, which  thing should be obvious, because I do not like fans, but I am not trying to terrify you with lies. Straight talk. Plain speech. You are DEAD. Simple.