There was a time when I had cut ties with my family because of this girl who turns out to have been my first girlfriend, the one who had a kid, and my mother did a weird thing and with typical female gossipiness, told the widow of my favourite uncle, my father's younger brother, that she had taken some clothes of mine and gone to some renowned witchdoctor and that he had said, after doing his mumbo-jumbo shit, that I would come back home. Again, like a typical female, on the grounds that I do NOT say anything, my aunt told me, and I just went quietly into despair. Even a blind man could have seen I was destined for home, because everything was unravelling, the relationship with the girl, work, and it was all about to fall apart; I could not sustain it.
then I had a dream, where a certain very dark guy was dunking a pair of my trousers in some water and I was looking on and then I started saying, "My God is alive! He raised from the dead!", and all of a sudden a single, sinuous file of people started coming out and while it was not specified that they were coming from somewhere, it was somehow implicit that they were coming from... me.
this went on for some minutes while I kept on with my grammatically suspect speech/song, and then, before they had all gone out, I woke up, and my first thought was; typical, if these are demons coming out of me, they do not even come OUT all of them. Nothing ever gets really DONE in my life!
That was after the Isaiah 6 vision but before He had said, "I have added 15 years to your life", but it is really honestly only NOW that I have connected the dots because only NOW have I even looked deep into myself to try to find a reason for the things I am doing, and my singular bent in life.
I mean, you get yourself a whole lungful of water, and choke and choke on it till you literally die, eyes open and staring, and then, when for the first time in your life you do NOT have to do anything, because the decision is taken out of your hands, you suddenly find yourself BACK in the body you had KNOWN you had vacated for good, and there you are, with the pain, water coming out of your nostrils and mouth, and you are bowling and thrashing about and your mother is looking stunned that what she was sure was a corpse has suddenly developed life... again... and this goes on till this other woman barges in and seizes you, pummels you on the back and comforts you while casting accusing eyes at the still dazed mother.
You grow up, and God encourages you to let everything out, online, innocently it seems, and then you get to a point, THIS point, where you ask yourself, that, regardless of the fact that God did NOT want you to waste your time reconciling with your mother because you know and He knows that she does not and will never like you, do you then jettison her in public and make 'friends' with the silly people who are reading your posts who, sometimes, feel pity for you because of what happened, like you are even now at 32, a victim, and want to 'improve' you or do you do what you have already decided , long before you were even conscious of the fact, and wipe THEM off the face of the planet and leave your mother to live in her darkness for the next seven years wondering where everyone else has gone, till you figure out how she can just revert to dust like the bible says.
the choice is simple, everyone else, go to hell. I will NOT shame my mother. She DID after all rear me, although it was painful, but no one else would have!
Yesterday, when I came from the library, I was annoyed to find the ONE person that I promised that if it EVER happened that I got my mojo while I was still in kalk bay would be the first person I make sure dies a grisly death at my hands-the gallery woman- (fuck I hate that woman with an all-consuming hatred, and I just HOPE it happens that God decides to heap on me the power necessary for me to make a change while I just sit and fume, because on the day I ACT, oh boy, she will regret ever deciding to interfere with ANYTHING to do with me) driving past and hell, with those fools there are NO coincidences, and i wondered what her deal was. Secretly I was hoping for more of the rubbish I used to get, the terms and conditions, because THIS time, I would slaughter them like cattle in a pen, and get my hands bloody and full of gore, but I did not get that. They seem to be feeling their way around these days, uncertain about themselves. Could it be that the oh so confident fools are NOT so sure of their right to do as they please with silly little me because God is on their side?
ha ha. Welcome to MY world. You are slowly getting steeped into it, and I tell you, you better hope for your sakes that somehow i get removed from kalk bay soon, because the more I see of you fools, the more i refine the extremely cruel plans I have for you fools, oh yeah.
if you thought I was still LOOKING for a woman, well you obviously have NOT been paying attention to my posts. I have already mourned her as dead, and I do not give a fuck about everyone else, and allI am interested in now is to make sure that you fools have as gruesome a reminder of your stay on earth as possible, before going to hell.
My claws will stretch out and rip out your insides, and i have special plans for mike and that guy she was kissing.
See, I have discovered, while I did this reluctantly, that I actually am ABLE to CALL people to me and they will come, and so, I am not worried about finding out where them fools live or even what thay are up to. Once I get these glitches ironed out, I am just going to call, and they WILL come, because they can not help themselves, and then I will start with them, and then there are the imps, the cunts of rastas, all those that were instrumental in my various humiliations, and, oh boy, there will be blood baths, trust me. I am DEFINITELY going to make sure that I make this as painful as possible, before I DEPART anyway, to the US.
Thought I walked alone, did you? Like I actually give a FUCK about anything I would make plans to dominate the world because i have a huge ego. Fuck, if God had not trapped me into this, I would not even be here, it is basically Him doing the carrot and stick thing and me following because it is impossible to stay in one place.
Well, I never did like and I never will love fans. So you die.
then I had a dream, where a certain very dark guy was dunking a pair of my trousers in some water and I was looking on and then I started saying, "My God is alive! He raised from the dead!", and all of a sudden a single, sinuous file of people started coming out and while it was not specified that they were coming from somewhere, it was somehow implicit that they were coming from... me.
this went on for some minutes while I kept on with my grammatically suspect speech/song, and then, before they had all gone out, I woke up, and my first thought was; typical, if these are demons coming out of me, they do not even come OUT all of them. Nothing ever gets really DONE in my life!
That was after the Isaiah 6 vision but before He had said, "I have added 15 years to your life", but it is really honestly only NOW that I have connected the dots because only NOW have I even looked deep into myself to try to find a reason for the things I am doing, and my singular bent in life.
I mean, you get yourself a whole lungful of water, and choke and choke on it till you literally die, eyes open and staring, and then, when for the first time in your life you do NOT have to do anything, because the decision is taken out of your hands, you suddenly find yourself BACK in the body you had KNOWN you had vacated for good, and there you are, with the pain, water coming out of your nostrils and mouth, and you are bowling and thrashing about and your mother is looking stunned that what she was sure was a corpse has suddenly developed life... again... and this goes on till this other woman barges in and seizes you, pummels you on the back and comforts you while casting accusing eyes at the still dazed mother.
You grow up, and God encourages you to let everything out, online, innocently it seems, and then you get to a point, THIS point, where you ask yourself, that, regardless of the fact that God did NOT want you to waste your time reconciling with your mother because you know and He knows that she does not and will never like you, do you then jettison her in public and make 'friends' with the silly people who are reading your posts who, sometimes, feel pity for you because of what happened, like you are even now at 32, a victim, and want to 'improve' you or do you do what you have already decided , long before you were even conscious of the fact, and wipe THEM off the face of the planet and leave your mother to live in her darkness for the next seven years wondering where everyone else has gone, till you figure out how she can just revert to dust like the bible says.
the choice is simple, everyone else, go to hell. I will NOT shame my mother. She DID after all rear me, although it was painful, but no one else would have!
Yesterday, when I came from the library, I was annoyed to find the ONE person that I promised that if it EVER happened that I got my mojo while I was still in kalk bay would be the first person I make sure dies a grisly death at my hands-the gallery woman- (fuck I hate that woman with an all-consuming hatred, and I just HOPE it happens that God decides to heap on me the power necessary for me to make a change while I just sit and fume, because on the day I ACT, oh boy, she will regret ever deciding to interfere with ANYTHING to do with me) driving past and hell, with those fools there are NO coincidences, and i wondered what her deal was. Secretly I was hoping for more of the rubbish I used to get, the terms and conditions, because THIS time, I would slaughter them like cattle in a pen, and get my hands bloody and full of gore, but I did not get that. They seem to be feeling their way around these days, uncertain about themselves. Could it be that the oh so confident fools are NOT so sure of their right to do as they please with silly little me because God is on their side?
ha ha. Welcome to MY world. You are slowly getting steeped into it, and I tell you, you better hope for your sakes that somehow i get removed from kalk bay soon, because the more I see of you fools, the more i refine the extremely cruel plans I have for you fools, oh yeah.
if you thought I was still LOOKING for a woman, well you obviously have NOT been paying attention to my posts. I have already mourned her as dead, and I do not give a fuck about everyone else, and allI am interested in now is to make sure that you fools have as gruesome a reminder of your stay on earth as possible, before going to hell.
My claws will stretch out and rip out your insides, and i have special plans for mike and that guy she was kissing.
See, I have discovered, while I did this reluctantly, that I actually am ABLE to CALL people to me and they will come, and so, I am not worried about finding out where them fools live or even what thay are up to. Once I get these glitches ironed out, I am just going to call, and they WILL come, because they can not help themselves, and then I will start with them, and then there are the imps, the cunts of rastas, all those that were instrumental in my various humiliations, and, oh boy, there will be blood baths, trust me. I am DEFINITELY going to make sure that I make this as painful as possible, before I DEPART anyway, to the US.
Thought I walked alone, did you? Like I actually give a FUCK about anything I would make plans to dominate the world because i have a huge ego. Fuck, if God had not trapped me into this, I would not even be here, it is basically Him doing the carrot and stick thing and me following because it is impossible to stay in one place.
Well, I never did like and I never will love fans. So you die.
