If somebody EVER told me that something like what keeps happening to me would EVER happen to me, I would have told them they were crazy, and out of their mind, but it IS happening, and I was thinking, all right, just now, Q.E.D, and that was it.Not really, is it?
I mean, I KNOW what the "five" thing is all about, and I have NOT written about it, but, well, this, the OTHER thing, is just, well, absolute nonsense.
I am getting really rather frustrated, because it is getting crowded in here, in my head, that is.
I came to fish hoek, bypassed the hospital, an ended up, ostensibly to relieve myself, at the library. In the toilet. As I sat there, there was the familiar uncomfortable... "Aren't you missing something" SILENCE that made me go, OK, WHAT already!
"you left me, just when I needed you most"
And I could not help but recall the vision where this 'angelina jolie' woman with better lips, dont forget, was coming up to me and I sidestepped her and ended up with her sitting on her ass, trying to cover how exposed she was, since she had NO underwear.
And well, dont BLAME me, I like things simple, I just wanted everything tied up, and nothing to worry about, no baggage, nothing to keep me unhappy, OK?
No one to ... please.
As if life is that simple.
Ok, I ONLY have 45 minutes, and less, here, and I do not fancy having to go to any internet cafe, so I am going to keep it real simple.
I am having o separate the two entities in my head here, just so that I dont lose perspective.
Ok, so, I can NOT specifically BLAME anyone for NOT knowing what was with me, I mean, I could have SAID, but then, OK, I have said it now, and I suppose that, well, it is in the open. The ... takeover... of the entire planet and all the control thereof is MY objective.
BUT, life is never THAT simple, see.
because of the thorns, see.
I have lived with FOUR women, and stayed with them over the course of the years, and I will be honest, in the first case, it ws because of a vision of my cousin, [tariro angela mashora], one of the people I actually like, coming and walking down the street and having an open book that showed a blank page with a hole in it, and could be read, and she seemed to be having difficulty finding out why I did not go back to my ... Father's house. Well, I hope that part has been answered.
As to the rest, it is like this, I took that girl, see, and wanted to spite my mother, without having to have sex with her , of course, but then God's vision intruded after, and i convinced myself that I must ahve a girl that is well, already open, and so, I took that one, and blamed God for it, and He answered later with that yoke thing and also the Isaiah 6:1-13 script, ok. It was about a... woman.
After her, jacqueline that is, I think, I am going to kill her, if she is still alive, God told me He had added 15 years to my life, and I have spent these as i recounted. But, when I started working for brother, this elderly woman chose me, and she was, what, 38 to my 27/28? And she ahd a teenage daughter. She stayed in her own place, and I had mine, and I never laid a hand on her because we had two separate lives which did not clash, and well, it was all... just superficial, see? Wont lie, the sex was great. She had a tight ... Anyway, she never had periods, must be monopause or something, and we did not get along outside of the bed, and that left me lonely a bit, which was why I settled on having one near-by, who happened to be called ... faith, a fellow zimbabwean, who had a nice ass. I am a fan of asses, although technically I am NOT a fan of my fellow zimbabweans, see? Once they cross the border it is ALL about money. I kept her, never laid a hand on HER because God was NOT involved, and she was no virgin and I did not even care about her. If I did I would have kept myself from... infecting her, since she told me that I was the first person to have skin-to-skin sex with her, OK?
then, because I was boed and sex was a means to an end, which was to die before God caught up with me, I ended up with this very loose girl-she deserved it- called whatshername-um... come on, desirea. She liked to call herself desiree but her mother called her desirea. Goes to show. Anyway, she was loose, and i would have chucked her off but then brother decided that I was stupid, and he would look foe a better one than her, because he worried about his business. I HATE being called stupid. I knew what I was doing, it was JUST sex, and I was more of a danger to the woman than she to me, and anyway, from then on, because my number ONE fear is to be under anyone's control, I decided that I would do the exact opposite of what I would have doen had I been left alone, I took her stayed with her and beat her. In her own home.
And then left and tried to hang myself.
Those were the four.
From them, I discovered what, if things ever got to be normal, a woman for me would have to be, and well, i did not HAVE to decide, because techically I did NOT have to HAVE a woman, since well, I am so... difficult.
But I knew WHO it was the moment I laid eyes on her. NO one has been so easy to read than her, and I have never felt more exposed in my whole life than where she is concerned, and well, that is the issue with the five.
I am NOT interested in everything else, and not interested in just having sex with her, or stuff like that. She is the one person I WANT to have with me.
So, she is a virgin?
She better be.
And lets face it, she would be lying even to herself if she said that she was not interested in me. A person who is not interested does not act the way she did , nor does she blow off her lid so spectacularly as she did, and then come back again and see if I was ever interested in her to begin with.
I mean, lets face it, that woman ... well... I do not know what to do about it all.
My life was becoming streamlined; get a plane, kill people, and leave.
Now, i have no real grounds to... kill people. Just have them sent away. I do not want to mix your family and me in this, woman. Just me and you, and then, still they will be dead before 2021. It is NOT in my interests to keep them alive, any of them. because, well, it, this, is MY world, and well, if you thought I was not interested in you, then yu should know better, now. I am interested, just not able to show what you would expect from someone whose scope is just to live, grow old, and die. I have weighter matters on my mind. Like killing my mother. You know, the usual.
So, I am in a pickle, here, I have to do something, other wise I am a berghie. I could go back and try living again in site 5, but fuck it, there is nothing to hold on to, and I really WOULD love to carry on, but I can not get over wondering of this chick REALLY really digs me, dig it.
I am going on. Getting on the train. I mean, there is no way I am going back. I love the chick, would miss her, but I can not deny my self anymore.
the... missionary... triumphs over the ... lover
I mean, I KNOW what the "five" thing is all about, and I have NOT written about it, but, well, this, the OTHER thing, is just, well, absolute nonsense.
I am getting really rather frustrated, because it is getting crowded in here, in my head, that is.
I came to fish hoek, bypassed the hospital, an ended up, ostensibly to relieve myself, at the library. In the toilet. As I sat there, there was the familiar uncomfortable... "Aren't you missing something" SILENCE that made me go, OK, WHAT already!
"you left me, just when I needed you most"
And I could not help but recall the vision where this 'angelina jolie' woman with better lips, dont forget, was coming up to me and I sidestepped her and ended up with her sitting on her ass, trying to cover how exposed she was, since she had NO underwear.
And well, dont BLAME me, I like things simple, I just wanted everything tied up, and nothing to worry about, no baggage, nothing to keep me unhappy, OK?
No one to ... please.
As if life is that simple.
Ok, I ONLY have 45 minutes, and less, here, and I do not fancy having to go to any internet cafe, so I am going to keep it real simple.
I am having o separate the two entities in my head here, just so that I dont lose perspective.
Ok, so, I can NOT specifically BLAME anyone for NOT knowing what was with me, I mean, I could have SAID, but then, OK, I have said it now, and I suppose that, well, it is in the open. The ... takeover... of the entire planet and all the control thereof is MY objective.
BUT, life is never THAT simple, see.
because of the thorns, see.
I have lived with FOUR women, and stayed with them over the course of the years, and I will be honest, in the first case, it ws because of a vision of my cousin, [tariro angela mashora], one of the people I actually like, coming and walking down the street and having an open book that showed a blank page with a hole in it, and could be read, and she seemed to be having difficulty finding out why I did not go back to my ... Father's house. Well, I hope that part has been answered.
As to the rest, it is like this, I took that girl, see, and wanted to spite my mother, without having to have sex with her , of course, but then God's vision intruded after, and i convinced myself that I must ahve a girl that is well, already open, and so, I took that one, and blamed God for it, and He answered later with that yoke thing and also the Isaiah 6:1-13 script, ok. It was about a... woman.
After her, jacqueline that is, I think, I am going to kill her, if she is still alive, God told me He had added 15 years to my life, and I have spent these as i recounted. But, when I started working for brother, this elderly woman chose me, and she was, what, 38 to my 27/28? And she ahd a teenage daughter. She stayed in her own place, and I had mine, and I never laid a hand on her because we had two separate lives which did not clash, and well, it was all... just superficial, see? Wont lie, the sex was great. She had a tight ... Anyway, she never had periods, must be monopause or something, and we did not get along outside of the bed, and that left me lonely a bit, which was why I settled on having one near-by, who happened to be called ... faith, a fellow zimbabwean, who had a nice ass. I am a fan of asses, although technically I am NOT a fan of my fellow zimbabweans, see? Once they cross the border it is ALL about money. I kept her, never laid a hand on HER because God was NOT involved, and she was no virgin and I did not even care about her. If I did I would have kept myself from... infecting her, since she told me that I was the first person to have skin-to-skin sex with her, OK?
then, because I was boed and sex was a means to an end, which was to die before God caught up with me, I ended up with this very loose girl-she deserved it- called whatshername-um... come on, desirea. She liked to call herself desiree but her mother called her desirea. Goes to show. Anyway, she was loose, and i would have chucked her off but then brother decided that I was stupid, and he would look foe a better one than her, because he worried about his business. I HATE being called stupid. I knew what I was doing, it was JUST sex, and I was more of a danger to the woman than she to me, and anyway, from then on, because my number ONE fear is to be under anyone's control, I decided that I would do the exact opposite of what I would have doen had I been left alone, I took her stayed with her and beat her. In her own home.
And then left and tried to hang myself.
Those were the four.
From them, I discovered what, if things ever got to be normal, a woman for me would have to be, and well, i did not HAVE to decide, because techically I did NOT have to HAVE a woman, since well, I am so... difficult.
But I knew WHO it was the moment I laid eyes on her. NO one has been so easy to read than her, and I have never felt more exposed in my whole life than where she is concerned, and well, that is the issue with the five.
I am NOT interested in everything else, and not interested in just having sex with her, or stuff like that. She is the one person I WANT to have with me.
So, she is a virgin?
She better be.
And lets face it, she would be lying even to herself if she said that she was not interested in me. A person who is not interested does not act the way she did , nor does she blow off her lid so spectacularly as she did, and then come back again and see if I was ever interested in her to begin with.
I mean, lets face it, that woman ... well... I do not know what to do about it all.
My life was becoming streamlined; get a plane, kill people, and leave.
Now, i have no real grounds to... kill people. Just have them sent away. I do not want to mix your family and me in this, woman. Just me and you, and then, still they will be dead before 2021. It is NOT in my interests to keep them alive, any of them. because, well, it, this, is MY world, and well, if you thought I was not interested in you, then yu should know better, now. I am interested, just not able to show what you would expect from someone whose scope is just to live, grow old, and die. I have weighter matters on my mind. Like killing my mother. You know, the usual.
So, I am in a pickle, here, I have to do something, other wise I am a berghie. I could go back and try living again in site 5, but fuck it, there is nothing to hold on to, and I really WOULD love to carry on, but I can not get over wondering of this chick REALLY really digs me, dig it.
I am going on. Getting on the train. I mean, there is no way I am going back. I love the chick, would miss her, but I can not deny my self anymore.
the... missionary... triumphs over the ... lover
