I can not decide, after thinking things through, whether to hate God or to explode... .
breaking bones and all that, and killing all and sundry without second thought, OR, it is....
Only you matter, and well, will I wait in vain for your love?
First thing is, I woke up, obviously, and went to harfield train station, where He was going, "I wont let you fall" over and over again and then, as I got there, I found, at the door of the ticket office, a couple of women with two kids, talking in my language about... my home town, gweru and a bus company called tombs motors and well, I quipped in about how they ran past mambo, and then, as i looked at one of the women, I discovered that I knew her from somewhere, and so, I said as much, and it turns out we grew up in the same street, and she was much younger than me, I last saw her when she was still at school, and she stayed just one house short of the house i described as having a hedge at the cross roadsof hoffman street, but opposite it, which would make the house number ... 39... where she stayed, and the one opposite number...38, the one with the hedge.
Reminded me of home, all that, and my parents, and the fact that I was suddenly wondering what it would feel like to go back, and be seen and see them, and I felt a bit lost, there, because i do not want to go down that road again.
Unfortunately, she thinks I MUST.
Reminded me of home, all that, and my parents, and the fact that I was suddenly wondering what it would feel like to go back, and be seen and see them, and I felt a bit lost, there, because i do not want to go down that road again.
Unfortunately, she thinks I MUST.
Some fools never learn.
When I saw the gallery woman being very visible, after I had first gone to vinnie's and sat down,reading books and bible quotes, refused food and tried to find out just WTF the "36" meant that I have encountered all of three times now, and figured out the obvious, that the mother had decided to NOT fight me directly and chosen to, since I obviously paid attention to God's word, show me that according to custom, I was supposed to NOT go to war for a year if I had a wife, and thus use that one year to sort of draw me into her plans of getting me to reinstate the jews to life, so that instead of "7 3" I would have "6 3" since i am so stupid, I got up and went and LOOKED at her, and wondered if she actually GRASPED that her remaining days can be numbered in a matter of hours, not even weeks. God had me stand down, with "you are going home with Me tonight", and so, I waited till vinnie had come down, and the silly woman still followed us as we walked to his house, for what was my breakfast.And I knew that I was still on standby till... something happened, but also that I would NOT change my mind about just what to do with the jews, all of them. I do not serve God, nor do I serve man. I am waiting for... one thing.
And well, SHE is very irritating this woman, and yet I discovered one thing about her, when she decided to show up and make herself known, that I really, really LIKE her.
Of course, the damage is already done, and I am quite set on killing the jews, every single one of them, for a reason I have stated, but well, when I stood a few inches away from her, and was just about to rend her in pieces, I stood back, because for once in my life i discovered that I actually CARE about her, and that I would give her the benefit of the doubt just ONCE more, since well, she may be ... right... in this one thing, that I am NOT interested in her for sex only, but I actually do ... LOVE her. Funny that, and her in a black dress in those white spots, like she is telling me that she is the ... "mother hen" and why should I kill her 'son', meaning the guy she was kissing - well, am I missing something here, like he IS innocent, yes?
Smug mother, the apple of my eye, and me going "if YOU do not change, I will make you suffer!" and then me LOOKING at the mother, it all just happened, like clockwork, and trust me, the apple of my eye would be very stupid to not get it that I am actually offering her a choice here, stand up to me again for anyone else and you will watch them die with your own eyes, OR, back off and they just die.
Smug mother, the apple of my eye, and me going "if YOU do not change, I will make you suffer!" and then me LOOKING at the mother, it all just happened, like clockwork, and trust me, the apple of my eye would be very stupid to not get it that I am actually offering her a choice here, stand up to me again for anyone else and you will watch them die with your own eyes, OR, back off and they just die.
You will suffer the agony of knowing that they died while you watched, and that I with my bare hands destroyed them with you as a witness, or, maybe, well, you want to blind yourself to reality and think that I am NOT going to end ALL life on the planet, and that I am unable to hide that any more?
When, as I came from vinnie's the last time, to tell him we were closing up and business had been bad, I was standing around, doing something, when the idiot that thinks he can dictate terms to me walked right past me, from the parking lot by the outspaan restaurant.
When, as I came from vinnie's the last time, to tell him we were closing up and business had been bad, I was standing around, doing something, when the idiot that thinks he can dictate terms to me walked right past me, from the parking lot by the outspaan restaurant.
I gaped.
I mean, I literally hung my mouth open, and i went and checked to see if he was really walking into the offices, and yes, he was, and I walked across the street, and went and looked for any sign of life, and sure enough, the window shutters were up, where she has her computer, and I was really getting mad because God was going "Peace be still" like THAT time when they first pulled their first stunt, and so, I was anything BUT still. I went looking for her car, and I found it at the parking lot, right near where I would have not faild to see it if, of course, I had been looking, and so, I went back across the road, and when I saw that head of that balding guy (shaped, aptly, like that guy who is the star of the series Pretender) peering from the other chair next to hers, I went, pointing, "Fool, dont you dare test me, dont you fucking test me!" and I walked away, came back again and then said, "Because I will REND you to pieces, asshole!", and then walked off.
The day was NOT done.
AS we finished with everything and were walking to the train station, they both came out.
AS we finished with everything and were walking to the train station, they both came out.
She in the dress i spoke off, after him, while he walked in front. I glared at him, and then ignored him, and then of course, I looked at her, and how ... cool... she looked in spite of everything, and I was going, God, she is dead, and I let them pass, and then decided, fuck this, I am done with the charade, and turned back, went after them, and as I came up to her, sh was already walking away from the car, as if to go back to the offices, and then she changed tack and went into the bakery, with the so called tough guy following.
Oh, I heard what you prefered woman, and i am SQUASHING it.
TOUGH buns, because I NEVER promised you a rose garden. I am out to KILL off everyone on the planet,and well, you can fight that, and I will kill you, OR you can do as I SAID, walk away, and maybe I will NOT kill your people while you watch. BUT dead IS what they all are, and they ARE going to go to hell, period!
So, do not put blinkers on your eyes anymore, because it is time for MY war to begin, and you will either pay attention to ALL my words or be judged by them. Choice is yours.
So, do not put blinkers on your eyes anymore, because it is time for MY war to begin, and you will either pay attention to ALL my words or be judged by them. Choice is yours.
And frankly, now that I think of it, when you are scared or in a position where you can really tell me to go to hell or well, call the cops, you always show what matters to you the most, because you did NOT go into those offices because you knew I would be upset further, especially AFTER I told you that I hated that.
Admit it, you want to be with me. It shows from the way you showed up even after I had made a deliberate fool of myself publicly by ogling girls and you would not let that just slide. You would never let a day go by without trying to find out if you matter, and your very acts show that, despite everything, I mean a whole lot to you.
Now are you going to let your doomed people try to keep you from just accepting that I am what I say I am, and that if you do not grasp that reality that when I say there is a countdown, and there is no place in everything for a jew, BECAUSE of the holy spirit, and that I am adamant about all that, then NOTHING can change that?
Will you accept reality or will you give in to convention and let them run your life?
They are dead, you know, and I am quite willing to kill them all, while upi watch,STARTING with that guy. Because I will not be limited by mere flesh and blood.
FYI twice now, as we closed up, and you first showed yourself to me like, "pss, look at me fool you KNOW you want me", like that blue bottle time when you were dressed in that scant number, and today, God was going, "the way you're walking, the way you're talking, you are the one I wanna spend this LIFE"- [not NIGHT] "with", and then you would appear, and every time, the reality of your stubborn insistence has gotten to me. I really want you with me, because we are NOT at cross purposes here, unless you want to keep on telling me I am wrong in everything, even what i see
But hell, ignore the facts of what I am about at your peril, and fuck it, THINK for yourself!
FYI twice now, as we closed up, and you first showed yourself to me like, "pss, look at me fool you KNOW you want me", like that blue bottle time when you were dressed in that scant number, and today, God was going, "the way you're walking, the way you're talking, you are the one I wanna spend this LIFE"- [not NIGHT] "with", and then you would appear, and every time, the reality of your stubborn insistence has gotten to me. I really want you with me, because we are NOT at cross purposes here, unless you want to keep on telling me I am wrong in everything, even what i see
But hell, ignore the facts of what I am about at your peril, and fuck it, THINK for yourself!
I really NEED you in my life, and JUST you, no one else.
I really can not sleep and well, for some weird reason my whole... being... yearns for you. Even when I try to pretend that you do not matter, my whole body tells me how wrong I am, because i can barely walk afterwards, with my back weighing me down like I am anchored to the earth with a heavy chain.
I love you, and well, I also can NOT sustain the anger in me anymore. I am standing still, waiting because for once I am desperate, and have had to rely on God to tell me if there is ANY chance that I, as MYSELF, can have you with me. I will NEVER allow any member of your family with me, because i hate the whole concept, and I will not be sucked into the same thing I am trying to run from. And, well, I can not ignore the fact that, unless you GIVE me all of you, you are insulting me in what you are keeping back for yourslf, because THAT is what matters the most. I will have you stop depending on other people, but come out and focus all your energies on me and you, and forget everything else, because trust me, the more you divert your attention to THEM, the more you create resentment in me, and the more I go against them.
So, as I said, before, and I say, again, either TOTALLY reject me, or TOTALLY accept me, because otherwise, I will focus on the parts that are not ... mine... and will seek them out, to utterly mangle them. personally
Either you will balance me out so that I have a reason to live, OR... ah fuck, here it comes does it not?
I will keep you, and let you live, and let even your people live just so that they do not go to hell but become dust, and well, if you are WITH me I could probably have a reason to bother fighting the holy spirit and not just waste everyone as i long to. But if you fight me, and stay away, well, why should I bother? I will just kill them and depart. But make no mistake about the fact that i am going to the US, and that I am destroying the world you all live in, because I can NOT abide it as it is. That is just the way it is.
WITHOUT you,I have no hope, nothing to keep me from just being as utterly destructive as i can be, and so, well, I suppose, the ball is in your hands. BUT make no mistake about me being serious about the end of all flesh!
THAT is my BASIC nature.
watch those places you walk
and mind the way you talk
watch out for the vampires who will sneak up in the dark
watch out for the big time thief who claims say that them smart
bringing the crack and the gun to come mash up the youth them heart
earth are run red...
Fitting, is it not, that the background sound is that of bob marley's "I dont wanna wait in vain for your love!", huh. Guess it is either
the God of War, unlimited
the God of War, unlimited
breaking bones and all that, and killing all and sundry without second thought, OR, it is....
THE God Of Thunder, letting His VOICE send his enemies scurrying to the hills and making place for him without ACTUALLY having to resort to personal violence because you are with me.
