HISTORY III: Destiny: P. O. W. Treatment

So, I have been thinking, and have made a ... provisional... small adjustment. After weighing in what matters to ... me.
So, something must have seriously mattered to this woman to have her try to spite me in that way, and well, she almost gave in to me that time because I ... promised... to spare her people. Fine, then, I was just being paranoid, and never thought my opinion mattered so much as that, or that she was not taking my words for a joke like everyone else was. So, I will NOT kill off all the jews, I will neither insult them, nor offer any degrading treatment to them, after all, I have no real beef with them.
This morning, I read up, after ending up in frustration and going to God and saying that I had no fucking clue what to do next because if I did as people would assume MUST be the next logical step, that of therefore mending bridges between them people and God, then I will NOT be true to the teenage rebel I became when He entered mylife and I decided that FIRST and Foremost, the BUCK starts and stops with ME, and God looks no further than me, unless all along all He wanted was to use me anyway,in which case He better kill me.

So, I just opened this encyclopaedia and there it was, "Prisoners of War", and the geneva convention of 1949, and I read up on it, all, or the relevant parts, and decided that, since my own relations, what little of them I am inclined to spare, I will not destroy till I just make them aware how to... die... without going to hell, I will extend the same thing, hand to this woman, if she is serious about ME, provided she leaves them where they are and soes not seek to include them anywhere with... me. I will neither discriminate against them nor single them out for any special abuse/treatment that I will not mete out to people as a whole, and that is about it. But NOT a single jew currently alive will... die... till ALL else DIE, because, in the end, there will be only ONE man alive on this planet, and that will be ... me.
YEAH-SSS
Lets just say I am a hard case, and will not let that armour that I have been so painstakingly erecting be pierced by or for anyone. What I am about to do, I will do for MY benefit and nothing, no word or deed will be for the ultimate befit of anyone or anything unless I derive benefit from that, yes?
YEAH-SS.
Which reminds me, about the queen of my heart.
A bit of family history, this one.
See, I have a mother, yes? obviously, and she too had a mother, who had a brother, who had an only daughter, who married this ... guy... which makes her my aunt and him my uncle, and they had two sons and two daughters, which makes them my cousins. The lastborn daughter was called 'esther', and the older one, my favourite, was called 'mavis' after my mother, showing that even she had fans. These peoplewere the ones I went to stay with to sort out my papers, see?
Funny thing, in MY culture, the female cousin, if that relationship is based on the fact that my mother or her mother or her mother's mother had a brother who had that daughter or a daughter who had that daughter, IS a 'little mother', mainini.
You can NOT marry one such. But if one is a female cousin and she is on the reverse of that, that is, her mother and my father are brother and sister, then the girl is a 'granddaughter', and she is legible for marriage.
now, some time ago, when I FIRST even stopped being fearful enough to actually ... hope... that she and Icould have a future, I had had a vision, of my 'little mother', esther, looking at me and smiling, and she had her hand on the seat of a bicycle which was on its stand and only the rear wheel of which was showing, which was on the ground. Thing is, she had a smile that I know only ONE person has, a kind of lopsided smile that I have described/mentioned long ago.
I hated that. Esther, the queen, the saviour of her people. Well, so be it, but according to MY parameters, yes? Not for... ever. So, the people better know that they STILL have been weighed, they have been counted, and they have been found wanting, and will die in... these ... seven years. How plain is THAT?
So, when God did His "small" adjustment thing yesterday, He made start thinking that the woman probably saw all I intended and she was NOT interested in walking down the aisle with me if I was so ... blind and so unreasonable as to NOT take into consideration the fact that she also had relations thatmattered to her as much as, for example, my own sister for whom I was at one time prepared to , well, not give up my life but share her death -weirdly unreasonable as that may be- just because I would not submit to a life where she herself would not live, and so, she decided, hell, no, and decided to take her own part with her people. Well, since it only applies to HER my embargo on killing, because she has come to matter to me more than I can say, I will respect that desire of hers, and will not kill them or send them to hell. I will let them live, on the ground that she herself... well, comes to me. If not, well, I have had a days's grace here, which reminds me, I need a song here, because this whole thing sucks at present.
ah, yes, damian marley, road to zion

in this world of calamity

dirty looks and grudges and jealousy

and police where abuse them authority...

{ring any bells?}

pure and clean meditation without a doubt

dont let them take you like who them took out

jah will be waiting ther we are shout

jah will be waiting there...

Now, I was banking on vinnie not lettingme down, and well, didn't happen. So, I had to sort of come to my landlord, later, after my last post, when brian came, as is his fashion these days, after eight, and tell the guy that IO was unable to pay the money I had promised to have this past night.

So, well, I am ... allowed... to spend the day today, and then, well, I am thinking... ysterplaat, steal a train and then get o a C-130, see?
Coz we dont play. Tomorrow.

I have no... choice.

Them nuh worry we

we are number one no other crew nuh worry we