As usual, the day ended with me grasping that, apart from people that I have become attached to and who happily for me, are unaware of my true nature, there IS one person that I STILL have a lot of ... care... for and so, I will, by the end of this post, offer some... benign, well intentioned, INTERESTED advice.
I may as well do it NOW.
I do NOT want to kill you, woman. I realised how much you mean to me when I grew fed up with the way both you and those with you were carrying on and I decided to show you that I mean business, and ... you leaned forward as I walked by, in front of you, and pointed to my wrist and made that throat-cutting action. I meant and I MEAN what I said, and I am still focused on my friends at present, and how to extricate myself without harming them-something that is proving harder by the minute as I get sucked in deeper into their lives- but well, I can not help bit grasp how you, naturally, by your unself-conscious actions, make my day.
Back off. BOW. Why will you die?
Because as surely as day follows night, IF you do not walk away from those I doomed to death, and own up, I AM going to kill you, much as I face the fact that I love you, and you alone, like I love nothing else, and want nothing else. You are a mere ... person. You are NOT my equal, and THAT is the first thing you have to grasp, woman, because otherwise all else you may DO will be insulting to me. How many times MUST I say that before it sinks in? I am NOT saying something new to you that you may think I have a hidden agenda, but the SAME thing over and over again.
I am in charge, and I DICTATE, and if you will NOT bow down to that, I will wipe the floor with you and STILL kill those you cling to. THIS is NO pretense, woman, get that LOUD and clear.
I have shown my propensity for ... jealousy where you are concerned countless times, and I am NOT interested in any type of male competition, and I VIEW any male that you are with AS that.
And You KNOW that, and because you deliberately went out of your way to MAKE me jealous, I have decided to make it MY business to make sure that the affront does NOT go unpunished. They will ALL die, whoever you showed up with and made me seem insignificant with because you assumed that there were other more pressing issues that needed being addressed.
I will NOT be treated like anybody else. Face that, or die thereby. You crossed the line, and there is NO going back from that; simple and straightforward.
This is NO time to beat round the bush, so i will let THOSE lyrics speak for themselves, of course.
i mean, I am NO ... expert... on women, i have had a rather narrow view as far as they are concerned, BUT two plus two equals four, and THAT woman, BECAUSE she is so... STUBBORN about it, can ONLY be afraid she is out to be used, and she can only be afraid of being used BECAUSE she wants something so much she thinks I am just going to gobble her up and throw her away like yesterday's news.
Well, I wanted to.
I saw you come out earlier, and I realised that you were STILl not paying attention to me, that you were still COMPARING me to those fools that you cling to, and treating me STILL like i am not a MAN but something else, and i ignored you, because you were disgusting to me, as you were, and i was like, fuck this, I want you dead.
Vinnie pointed you out when he saw you, because he was in a much better position to see you than I was, and I paid no more than cursory attention to you because you STILL would not acknowledge that I have a grievance against you that, in MY eyes IS justified, and that which you ignored was the MOST important part to me, and so, I said, fuck that, to hell with her. You showed up again, and again he pointed you out and i looked even longer, and saw that you were indeed, face to face, the most interesting and acceptable person i have ever come across. you did not do what all those other idiotic women did when they thought I STILL do not know what I want, or that God meant THEM or whatever THEY think I ought to be thinking... ;- you did NOT act all uppity and walk on arrogantly before me, no, you looked away, and walked into the office without that chin-up defiance.
I am a warrior, and I RESPOND to everyone the same way, SHOW me the LEAST hint of being in ANY way ready to fight or challenge me, and I will ATTACK. In that, I am my mother's son. I am NOT inclined towards thinking first about something, I REACT and then think about it later. Which is why you are so refreshing, the way you naturally do NOT stand up to me, and do NOT go so... toe-to-toe with me in your approach. I frankly HATE every woman who does that aggro thing, and I say to myself, this woman thinks she will stand up to me, and i have a heavy fist, and she is soft flesh, and she thinks she can stand up to me and i will NOT use what I HAVE to my advantage? Fuck that, I WILL, and so, I tend to end up being... nasty.
So, thing is, woman, I do NOT want to do that with you. I want my enemies to BE my enemies, and my FRIENDS to BE my friends, with NO grey areas, so, if THAT is NOT acceptable to you, then you will have to be labelled an enemy, because, far as I am concerned, to NOT sugar-coat it, you have a life to lose, and I have NOTHING to lose, since i can NOT lose what I never had.
Anyway, THIS was my day, just to keep it all in perspective.
I came to kalk bay, and got down to business like usual?
hell, NO, I was NOT expecting that, but i must say i was disappointed that people do not actually have ... ears, or senses. Not that I CARE, of course, because right now i am FEELING rather like being NASTY, and I have the POWER to back it up, as I said, soon as I get round to figuring out which pieces to lop off from vinnie's world, just so I can leave without ... harm
I came from vinnie's house with both brothers to find red breeches had parked her audi right by the stall, and i KNEW it was one of those days. And i would have been very surprised if the love of my life was NOT hovering nearby, to claim... territory. I mean, COME on, this is like turf war here, and all the woman LOOK down on me like I, the ... Lord OVER everyone before, since and to come, do NOT now what I want.I thought, even then, that she still-the apple of my eye- does NOT get why I even WANT to go to heaven, though I SAID it.
And explained it all in SIMPLE English, and showed how God has been answering, and all that consistency that comes from not only what I said before hand but also what came before and was being proved right before their own eyes.
So, I settled down anyway, to see what would be, and well, to keep a check on my temper, as i waited.
The Bimbo from harbour-house, that earnest faced blonde that still can not seem to get it that, even IF she were to end up being in MY life, it is to ME she would have to answer and not to anyone else, and so, she should learn to face ME, and I can NOT even STAND looking at her, and so, how the fuck would she even make a ... life with me -I wonder if those people ever think that far of if, like matehematicians nowadays, they extrapolate stuff so that they skip some vital steps and go from "A" to "ω" without having to TRANSLATE stuff, I mean, it is contary to reason.
Anyway, the bimbo was first.
then came the swimmer's daughter; I think they were all focused on the "I have had sex and want to keep on having sex" angle and forgot the fact that I would only stand a person that actually PLEASED me and was a ... virgin... and I KNOW of only ONE person that actually DOES that and I have God's ... say so... that she IS a virgin (for my jealousy, of course, otherwise I WOULD kill her) and so, they of course brushed that all aside. because there are, to THEM other more pressing issues.
My love thinks all I want is sex.
The other women THINK all I want is sex.
I SAY that all I want is a WOMAN who is 100% mine, and I am the FIRST, the LAST, the ONLY in her life and NO aspect of her life is apart from me, and the ONLY person that I actually WANT is ... well... being difficult, because she thinks other things should also be included, like what kind of life I MUST live, and HOW I must live it.
Aiwa-a, zvinonetsa izvi!
Sahwira, wandivengereiko?
There is a song by someone, and we ended up singing it, me and vinnie, and could find no one to... tell me who sang it, and it goes
Wandivengereiko
Wandivenegeri sahwira wangu
Wandivenegeriko
Wandivenegeri sahwira wangu
Wandivenegereiko
Nyarara kuchema mwana we
Ndinewe paugere
Why do you hate me
My Friend...
Stop weeping my child
I am sitting with you
Anyway, it is NOT easy being so... alone... and i remembered a while later the fact that, when i came to vinnie's house after waiting eons for abisha to come back after i had been told by the guard, another prince, that he ahd gone to fetch keys, I started leafing through a book that he had displayed on a shelf in his sitting room, called, "Where is God when it hurts?", and I opened to a part with the title "Adversity... " something and how the author was comparing david's attitude towards God in times of trouble to that of the Israelites when they were being taken from the land of egypt, how the later complained and moaned everytime, but david strengthened himself in the LORD.
Guess it shows how a pro-active dependence on God differs from how YOU all do the God thing, like maybe God OWES you something when He says to people, "My ways are NOT like your ways...", or also, in Jeremiah 29, He goes "I know the plans I have for you, plans for good"... BUT... "you shall seek for Me and You shall FIND me [WHEN, IF an ONLY IF] you seek Me with ALL your heart"
yet YOU all want God to come running to you like you are all God and He serves you.
What king was told in kings by some prophet, that God said, "I am with you if you are with Me"... and yet no one wants to leave their comfort zone to SEEK God, and no one BOTHERED, till I did, and now, I HAVE the crown and you STILL think that when I say that God has said that He will NOT change His mind about His OWN man, the one that He has set aside solely for HIMSELF, I am STILL like you?
Oh, hell, I see me killing LOTS and LOTS of people as they stand in my path.
NO problem.
Your funerals.Anything are anything, far as i am concerned
The lone killer will NOT back down. Man stand firm like the great china wall.
BUT...
things were NOT all rosy, for ME personally because a figure from the past emerged, and i was left feeling more than a little lost afterwards. it is sso complicated that for ONCE i have to sort of put that issue to one side till , maybe i meet the guy again and... decide... what to do. but my FIRST instinct was to run, and avoid being compromised by being pulled back into the past and still trying to mantain my... identity.
This subject I am going to mull over a bit, I think.
Come to think of it, just after the guy came, was when my ... love... decided to show up, maybe because i was looking so pathetically lost and she wanted to say, "see, God has shown you that you must STOP wanting to walk away, and now, here I am, to be your... distant-sisterly-friendly-guardian... that watches over you with NO other interest whatsoever except to see you make it in life, so, for that you MUST let my brothers, friends, go".
I think the woman really has a problem ... processing info.
Everyone is FREE to act as he or she pleases, and i am NOT putting an embargo on anyone, male, female, spirit or anything, DOING exactly as he she, it, pleases, BUT I am STATING MY intent, what I am OUT to do, despite what anyone else may think about it. Of course, everyone can throw their spanners in the works, I do NOT care. I will STILL prevail, THROUGH all adversities.
I am the TOUGHEST, and i do NOT go AROUND obstacles, I go THROUGH them, Through Thorns To The Top, 'Per Spinas Ad Culmina", my THS motto.
As I said, I am a HARDCASE.
I have become a ... WARRIOR... with the hardest bone, stiffest backbone, and an intolerant mindset from the time God stepped into my life, and i do NOT do reasonable, I do HARDCORE, un-repentantly HARD-CORE.
This, woman, is the GUY that is in charge, and there is NO middle ground with me.
Stop pretending there is.
I will go through everything I have to, to get where i need to be, because i am blazing a trail, and i TRUST no one with what is important, necessary, to me, except MYSELF.
there will NEVER be a pact between me and those you seek to link me with, and i suppose if you can not grasp that, NOW, you never will.
Consider me merciful i do not kill the females also.
And, THE only way I get to wear the crown, I GOT to wear the crown, was ehen I gave up trying to hold my grievance against my mother. In this the Scripture is correct,
Whether you and I will CLEAVE together is really something that only YOU know, because I do not actually THINK that you are ready to leave your mother's influence to think for yourself.
Maybe I should just KILL the bitch as well, seeing as i hate her already, or is THAT crossing the line?
Wanna bet?
the LION wakes UP! YEAH-SSS
The LION seeks prey
leonado, get it?
Course, you will NOT believe me, woman, and all those that think they know better. How about testing me, again, I am there tomorrow, anyway!
I may as well do it NOW.
I do NOT want to kill you, woman. I realised how much you mean to me when I grew fed up with the way both you and those with you were carrying on and I decided to show you that I mean business, and ... you leaned forward as I walked by, in front of you, and pointed to my wrist and made that throat-cutting action. I meant and I MEAN what I said, and I am still focused on my friends at present, and how to extricate myself without harming them-something that is proving harder by the minute as I get sucked in deeper into their lives- but well, I can not help bit grasp how you, naturally, by your unself-conscious actions, make my day.
Back off. BOW. Why will you die?
Because as surely as day follows night, IF you do not walk away from those I doomed to death, and own up, I AM going to kill you, much as I face the fact that I love you, and you alone, like I love nothing else, and want nothing else. You are a mere ... person. You are NOT my equal, and THAT is the first thing you have to grasp, woman, because otherwise all else you may DO will be insulting to me. How many times MUST I say that before it sinks in? I am NOT saying something new to you that you may think I have a hidden agenda, but the SAME thing over and over again.
I am in charge, and I DICTATE, and if you will NOT bow down to that, I will wipe the floor with you and STILL kill those you cling to. THIS is NO pretense, woman, get that LOUD and clear.
And You KNOW that, and because you deliberately went out of your way to MAKE me jealous, I have decided to make it MY business to make sure that the affront does NOT go unpunished. They will ALL die, whoever you showed up with and made me seem insignificant with because you assumed that there were other more pressing issues that needed being addressed.
I will NOT be treated like anybody else. Face that, or die thereby. You crossed the line, and there is NO going back from that; simple and straightforward.
This is NO time to beat round the bush, so i will let THOSE lyrics speak for themselves, of course.
i mean, I am NO ... expert... on women, i have had a rather narrow view as far as they are concerned, BUT two plus two equals four, and THAT woman, BECAUSE she is so... STUBBORN about it, can ONLY be afraid she is out to be used, and she can only be afraid of being used BECAUSE she wants something so much she thinks I am just going to gobble her up and throw her away like yesterday's news.
Well, I wanted to.
I saw you come out earlier, and I realised that you were STILl not paying attention to me, that you were still COMPARING me to those fools that you cling to, and treating me STILL like i am not a MAN but something else, and i ignored you, because you were disgusting to me, as you were, and i was like, fuck this, I want you dead.
Vinnie pointed you out when he saw you, because he was in a much better position to see you than I was, and I paid no more than cursory attention to you because you STILL would not acknowledge that I have a grievance against you that, in MY eyes IS justified, and that which you ignored was the MOST important part to me, and so, I said, fuck that, to hell with her. You showed up again, and again he pointed you out and i looked even longer, and saw that you were indeed, face to face, the most interesting and acceptable person i have ever come across. you did not do what all those other idiotic women did when they thought I STILL do not know what I want, or that God meant THEM or whatever THEY think I ought to be thinking... ;- you did NOT act all uppity and walk on arrogantly before me, no, you looked away, and walked into the office without that chin-up defiance.
I am a warrior, and I RESPOND to everyone the same way, SHOW me the LEAST hint of being in ANY way ready to fight or challenge me, and I will ATTACK. In that, I am my mother's son. I am NOT inclined towards thinking first about something, I REACT and then think about it later. Which is why you are so refreshing, the way you naturally do NOT stand up to me, and do NOT go so... toe-to-toe with me in your approach. I frankly HATE every woman who does that aggro thing, and I say to myself, this woman thinks she will stand up to me, and i have a heavy fist, and she is soft flesh, and she thinks she can stand up to me and i will NOT use what I HAVE to my advantage? Fuck that, I WILL, and so, I tend to end up being... nasty.
So, thing is, woman, I do NOT want to do that with you. I want my enemies to BE my enemies, and my FRIENDS to BE my friends, with NO grey areas, so, if THAT is NOT acceptable to you, then you will have to be labelled an enemy, because, far as I am concerned, to NOT sugar-coat it, you have a life to lose, and I have NOTHING to lose, since i can NOT lose what I never had.
Anyway, THIS was my day, just to keep it all in perspective.
I came to kalk bay, and got down to business like usual?
hell, NO, I was NOT expecting that, but i must say i was disappointed that people do not actually have ... ears, or senses. Not that I CARE, of course, because right now i am FEELING rather like being NASTY, and I have the POWER to back it up, as I said, soon as I get round to figuring out which pieces to lop off from vinnie's world, just so I can leave without ... harm
I came from vinnie's house with both brothers to find red breeches had parked her audi right by the stall, and i KNEW it was one of those days. And i would have been very surprised if the love of my life was NOT hovering nearby, to claim... territory. I mean, COME on, this is like turf war here, and all the woman LOOK down on me like I, the ... Lord OVER everyone before, since and to come, do NOT now what I want.I thought, even then, that she still-the apple of my eye- does NOT get why I even WANT to go to heaven, though I SAID it.
And explained it all in SIMPLE English, and showed how God has been answering, and all that consistency that comes from not only what I said before hand but also what came before and was being proved right before their own eyes.
So, I settled down anyway, to see what would be, and well, to keep a check on my temper, as i waited.
The Bimbo from harbour-house, that earnest faced blonde that still can not seem to get it that, even IF she were to end up being in MY life, it is to ME she would have to answer and not to anyone else, and so, she should learn to face ME, and I can NOT even STAND looking at her, and so, how the fuck would she even make a ... life with me -I wonder if those people ever think that far of if, like matehematicians nowadays, they extrapolate stuff so that they skip some vital steps and go from "A" to "ω" without having to TRANSLATE stuff, I mean, it is contary to reason.
Anyway, the bimbo was first.
then came the swimmer's daughter; I think they were all focused on the "I have had sex and want to keep on having sex" angle and forgot the fact that I would only stand a person that actually PLEASED me and was a ... virgin... and I KNOW of only ONE person that actually DOES that and I have God's ... say so... that she IS a virgin (for my jealousy, of course, otherwise I WOULD kill her) and so, they of course brushed that all aside. because there are, to THEM other more pressing issues.
My love thinks all I want is sex.
The other women THINK all I want is sex.
I SAY that all I want is a WOMAN who is 100% mine, and I am the FIRST, the LAST, the ONLY in her life and NO aspect of her life is apart from me, and the ONLY person that I actually WANT is ... well... being difficult, because she thinks other things should also be included, like what kind of life I MUST live, and HOW I must live it.
Aiwa-a, zvinonetsa izvi!
Sahwira, wandivengereiko?
There is a song by someone, and we ended up singing it, me and vinnie, and could find no one to... tell me who sang it, and it goes
Wandivengereiko
Wandivenegeri sahwira wangu
Wandivenegeriko
Wandivenegeri sahwira wangu
Wandivenegereiko
Nyarara kuchema mwana we
Ndinewe paugere
Why do you hate me
My Friend...
Stop weeping my child
I am sitting with you
Anyway, it is NOT easy being so... alone... and i remembered a while later the fact that, when i came to vinnie's house after waiting eons for abisha to come back after i had been told by the guard, another prince, that he ahd gone to fetch keys, I started leafing through a book that he had displayed on a shelf in his sitting room, called, "Where is God when it hurts?", and I opened to a part with the title "Adversity... " something and how the author was comparing david's attitude towards God in times of trouble to that of the Israelites when they were being taken from the land of egypt, how the later complained and moaned everytime, but david strengthened himself in the LORD.
Guess it shows how a pro-active dependence on God differs from how YOU all do the God thing, like maybe God OWES you something when He says to people, "My ways are NOT like your ways...", or also, in Jeremiah 29, He goes "I know the plans I have for you, plans for good"... BUT... "you shall seek for Me and You shall FIND me [WHEN, IF an ONLY IF] you seek Me with ALL your heart"
yet YOU all want God to come running to you like you are all God and He serves you.
What king was told in kings by some prophet, that God said, "I am with you if you are with Me"... and yet no one wants to leave their comfort zone to SEEK God, and no one BOTHERED, till I did, and now, I HAVE the crown and you STILL think that when I say that God has said that He will NOT change His mind about His OWN man, the one that He has set aside solely for HIMSELF, I am STILL like you?
Oh, hell, I see me killing LOTS and LOTS of people as they stand in my path.
NO problem.
Your funerals.Anything are anything, far as i am concerned
The lone killer will NOT back down. Man stand firm like the great china wall.
BUT...
things were NOT all rosy, for ME personally because a figure from the past emerged, and i was left feeling more than a little lost afterwards. it is sso complicated that for ONCE i have to sort of put that issue to one side till , maybe i meet the guy again and... decide... what to do. but my FIRST instinct was to run, and avoid being compromised by being pulled back into the past and still trying to mantain my... identity.
This subject I am going to mull over a bit, I think.
Come to think of it, just after the guy came, was when my ... love... decided to show up, maybe because i was looking so pathetically lost and she wanted to say, "see, God has shown you that you must STOP wanting to walk away, and now, here I am, to be your... distant-sisterly-friendly-guardian... that watches over you with NO other interest whatsoever except to see you make it in life, so, for that you MUST let my brothers, friends, go".
I think the woman really has a problem ... processing info.
Everyone is FREE to act as he or she pleases, and i am NOT putting an embargo on anyone, male, female, spirit or anything, DOING exactly as he she, it, pleases, BUT I am STATING MY intent, what I am OUT to do, despite what anyone else may think about it. Of course, everyone can throw their spanners in the works, I do NOT care. I will STILL prevail, THROUGH all adversities.
I am the TOUGHEST, and i do NOT go AROUND obstacles, I go THROUGH them, Through Thorns To The Top, 'Per Spinas Ad Culmina", my THS motto.
I have become a ... WARRIOR... with the hardest bone, stiffest backbone, and an intolerant mindset from the time God stepped into my life, and i do NOT do reasonable, I do HARDCORE, un-repentantly HARD-CORE.
This, woman, is the GUY that is in charge, and there is NO middle ground with me.
Stop pretending there is.
I will go through everything I have to, to get where i need to be, because i am blazing a trail, and i TRUST no one with what is important, necessary, to me, except MYSELF.
there will NEVER be a pact between me and those you seek to link me with, and i suppose if you can not grasp that, NOW, you never will.
Consider me merciful i do not kill the females also.
And, THE only way I get to wear the crown, I GOT to wear the crown, was ehen I gave up trying to hold my grievance against my mother. In this the Scripture is correct,
"for this reason a man shall LEAVE his father and mother...", and anyway, God showed that He seems to resonate with that because jacob was introduced to God on the VERY night he left home.
Whether you and I will CLEAVE together is really something that only YOU know, because I do not actually THINK that you are ready to leave your mother's influence to think for yourself.
Maybe I should just KILL the bitch as well, seeing as i hate her already, or is THAT crossing the line?
Wanna bet?
leonado leads
donattello does machines
raphael is cool but rude
michael-angelo is a party dude
These are the TV lyrics, anyway
the LION wakes UP! YEAH-SSS
The LION seeks prey
leonado, get it?
Course, you will NOT believe me, woman, and all those that think they know better. How about testing me, again, I am there tomorrow, anyway!
