Issues of Control

What matters little is easily thrown away, I have found, and personally, I am astounded at the fact that what i find to matter to me is NOT so easy to get rid of.

I am still unhappy and wondering just what it would take to get me to be free of this woman, but then, today was just... another day... in paradise, maybe I may get lucky tomorrow

I found the gallery woman's car STILL parked where I had left it, and, well, it did not take a genius to figure out what THAT meant:- we have what you want, and you WILL have to play ball to get it.
unfortunately, no one told them that the mav. can and will rip the ground from under them, and i am NOT interested in dealing with them, that I have eyes for only one person, and I am alternating between hating her and wanting her in my life, and that whether they like it or NOT , I am counting DOWN the days for everyone else, and that, if I could, I would have shown them TODAY just what I am capable of.
Then she had to show up, after i  had laughed at the silly boy, for his presumption, and I was busy with a customer, and I look to my right, and she was walking towards me, speaking on the phone, and she went and stood at the entrance of the bakery, and I was watching as she moved around, talking on the phone, and making conversation with somebody, and yet trying to catch MY attention, far as i could make out, and i was right there, looking at her, and I was thinking, this woman STILL insults me by thinking that I am in the wrong for what I say I am out to do, she STILL has not learned that, whether or not I applied for this, I am STILL going to destroy everything on this planet, because that is how i feel about it, and she still persists in ignoring the obvious and wants to make me... change.
Into what?
I wonder if she even thinks that far.
So, I turned away from her, and yet I could not hide the thrill just seeing her NOT giving me the boot gave me.
She walked past again, and went into the office.
Mission accomplished, apparently, to her, because the little boy was out again soon after, and I am like, you know, I thought a language was SUPPOSED to communicate feelings to others so that everyone gets at least the message. What part of, AT BEST everyone on the planet has 6years and three weeks to go of life do they NOT get?
This is NOT something that is negotiable and the sooner she gets it and decides which way she will go the better for all, because, far as i am concerned, I am in NO mood to bear the burden of supporting the lives of people that I actively hate right NOW, as I am with nothing to hide behind, like was the case with my mother, and with vinnie or abisha.

NO, those who know me as I am will die, for trampling on me with their silly little opinions, YEAH-SSS!
See, woman, maybe your mother matters to you, or money, since of course that is what makes your world go round, but see, where i am concerned, I have NO such... inhibition. I am a straightforward kind of guy, and far as i am concerned, what I may want on this earth, the metals to make whatever I want, and the plants for food and all such, are MINE, and i will take that for my self, and what I do NOT want I will remove, to make this world a safe haven for ME.
I will not have you or anyone else presume that you can, with your small hands, dam the flood that is about to come upon the earth .
Oh, make no mistake about it, i love you with a passion that surprises even me, I love you completely, and the mere sight of you makes me think there really IS a God, but, that is as far as it gets.
I do not do favours. i have said this before, and I will say it again.
You have trampled on me a lot, many times, because you make the basic mistake everyone of your people makes, that you must first of all press for favours from me, and not just ... come clean... and satisfy ME first, and maybe, just maybe, I may NOT be so hard on those people you persist in insulting me over, like I am a mistake or mistaken in what I am out to do.
You push me, and yet at the same time you do not shut the door.
It would be wise of you to just shut the door than think that I can be manipulated into doing as you see fit, because i tell you that everytime I see another of those insects moving about round me, and I realise that you are either involved in it or are the reason why I am NOT doing anything, and everyone is busy taking that as my weakness, as my pliability, you make me angry, and trust me, i have had to be futuristic in my thinking and I have found out that I NEVER let a wrong go unpunished, and so, I suggest THIS to you, that you either cleave to your people totally and let go of me, or cleave totally to me and let go of them, because my patience is really really limited.
Never think that I am the kind to back down from a course of action.Because if you persist in waging warfare of this kind with me, well, you have a lot to lose, and I can show you ways that you can hurt and keep on hurting without  actually dying, YEAH-SSS!

gungano ramaita iri

pane vamwe vasipo

mabiko ataita aya

pane vamwe vasipo

kuguta kwataita uku

pane vamwe vasina

tatadza kukanganwa isu

kukanganwa takoniwa

jojo akasarako kusango

molly akafira ikoko

lovey akasarako kuhondo

jonah akasara ikoko

mweya wadzungaira mweya  

mweya wadzungaira x2

mavaudza amai vake here?

kuti mwana wenyu akashaika?

akafira kusango kure

nyika dzisina nani-ko

makumbira kudezinza rake here?

kuti tambirai mwana uyu kani

mupei pekugara azorore

igamba rehondo

Translation:-

the meal you have prepared

there are some missing

the feast we have had

there are some things missing

the full stomachs we have had

there are some who have not enjoyed

we have failed to forget

to forget we have failed

jojo remained behind in the bush

molly died there

lovey died in the bush

jonah remined there

the soul is restless

restless is the soul

did you tell his mother

that her son died

he perished in the far off battlefields

a land with no person

did you tell his kin, his generation

to welcome the son back home

to give him a place of rest

he is a war hero?

I want to ask you something.

When you look at me, does it even strike you that I may have plausible grounds to actually say to you, woman, it is best for you, if you are interested in ME, to come away from mike, your work, your family and BE mine if you must be mine, or just stay completely OUT of my way if that is not to your taste?
Like, maybe, I hate having to waste my words with a person who thinks and who there fore thinks she knows better than me what I should do, and so, in other words, is telling me, the ... clean... one, that i do not know what i am talking about when I say that I will take care of you when and if you do?
Like, do you think, if and when you DO discover that i was dead serious that i CAN and will take care of you, and it is just the two of us, i will overlook the way you... made a public fool of me and refused, publicly, to just make a... decision?
Like, you think I LIKE being compared to mere mortals like you did that foursome day, and yet have you think that it is all just water under the bridge like I have it in me to just say, Oh, well, as long as you love me, its all good?
Woman, I am a WAR-LORD, and I respond to any challenge just the same way, I RETALIATE, and do NOT take prisoners.

One thing I do not ever want to do is lay a hand on you, because if I do that i would end up killing you, and the only way for ME not to lay a a hand on you and still keep you is for you to take a deep, long look at yourself, realise that if you really want to have a life with me, then you are going to have to make some tough choices here. I am going to have to have you choose me over your people, and have you watch them die, for being party to your humilation of me, and their unending pain will be for me a consolation, because of the fact that i will always see you strolling past me, and being kissed, and sending people out, just so that you teach me manners, while in effect, i am the one with ALL the control, and I answer to no one.

Or, you can just accept that the burden is too hard for you, and you just cleave to your people, and i kill you anyway.In other words, let go the control of one, or i will seize it from you, and make you pay for it.

thats it cant take no more

I'm leaving 

got one foot through the door

I had my doubts before 

I thought it through

now I'm gone for sure
Cant let you  tie me down...

I gotta stand my ground

though you're the best thing I found

what's love gotta do with it?

I hope
for goodness sake
that
you'll just trip 
 make some mistake
So perfect
wouldn't break
you gave me no reason to escape
Wont hide God's curse to chicks
don't wanna be throwing it in your face
I pray to God someday we'll
finally go our separate ways


me wanna leave you long time
...
she say she love me till the end of time
but I have fir open my mind

You know, It would be nice once in a while to check for yourself where I get the balls to say what I am saying, and why I am never actually put down, or end up on my silly face, lost and alone, with no one helping me up. I always seem to get up, and keep on rising, and now, while you probably assume I am just a jealous impractical person, you overlook what i have always said, that you MUST pay attention ot ALL the words i say, not just what you want, because the parts you dismiss, like the fact that if I call you "michelle", like the woman who thought her task was to 'stop me in my tracks' as she infered that God, Who to her, because of jesus, is GOOD and so loved the world that WHOEVER believes in him, jesus, should not perish but have everlasting life, well, it is NOT a compliment, but God put it there, in that vision for the specific reason that He wanted to show me what this woman that I love will behave like, and I have been on guard against it from day one.

Those people you wanted spared?
They will ALL die, because, see, if you have ever been with animals, then you would know that a donkey only carries what it wants to carry, ESPECIALLY if it is a colt, a donkey NOT used to being a beast of burden, and far as i am concerned, it is only YOU I would want to carry, and IF you decide that you want someone else involved in it, then I am prepared to throw even you into the ditch.

Donkeys are funny.

Going to the rural areas as a kid, on holiday, I had many encounters with their unreasonable behaviour, because you would see one that would stand in the middle of the road and not give way to a laden bus, even though it is suicide for the donkey, and many a time I have seen a bus driver just accelerate and knock a donkey out of the way.

hell, I tried to ride one once because it was there, and it allowed me to get on, and then rode straight for a thorn bush, and as i leaped back and off its rump in alarm, it kicked out at me and caught me a glancing but painful blow on my left heel. I think the scar is still there, and the look of the thing is weird, it looks forward and sideways and backwards at the same time, and while i was pulling its ears trying to get it into the road, we had constant eye contact.

NO wonder then, that a cross-breed of a donkey and a horse is said to be the stubbornness of all things.

A one of a kind cross-breed, that can not have offspring. All those sperm swimming around,  unable to get any let-off.

HMMM!
FUNNY! Seems a bit of a personal slight i just handed myself there, ha ha!

Of course, I want you, and only you in my life. All things considered.
You are a sexy woman, frankly, and not just your face but your whole makeup makes me happy to settle on you. And, from everything, I ... think... you are older than me, which means you are a bit more mature, and do not have to be in the same age bracket as my four  sisters, who are from two years older to, six years younger, with a consistent gap in between of two years between siblings, and so, you are ... different, you would not not remind me of home, or youth, my youth, and also, you KNOW your own mind. I have never met such a stubborn person like you, and although it appears that you seem to favour having someone else think for you, like your mother, for instance, it is your own heart you follow, and that is what I caught on from the word go. YOU, my love, wear your heart on your sleeve, and that is why you are so easy for me to get hooked on.
Of course, you have to be beautiful for me to want to have you in my life, because I am not blind,
I do not have time to mess around and pretend i want to hold hands and look into your eyes, I want to have you, to ... do everything a woman should have done on her, but then, hell, I am ME, and vengeance is my FIRST name, and so, well, if you can rub me up the right way, I get to keep you.
THAT is why I have no real hope of keeping you, because, see, I keep count all the time, and do not let grudges go.
I am a perfectionist, and if there is a flaw, it has to be dealt with, and there is NO middle ground.
This is the way I are, woman. take it or leave it, but never assume you can change it

NOW, to the disgusting business of those other women that still think I am such a fool as to be uncertain what I want, like red breeches and all them idiots.
I am going to call you out and i am going to PERSONALLY kill you. Seems like words do not sink in, right, so I am going to have to SHOW you by my acts just how displeased i am to be told i am a fool by you stupid women.
Oh, hell, though you crawl into the deepest pits to hide, the mav. is going to call you out, just like, in noah's time, the animals were called by God to the ark.
I will NOT let your insults go unpunished, and so, I am dead set on ending your horrid little lives, and that by my own hand.
Same goes for the other idiots, soon as this chick dumps me and I settle for a celibate life, because me NUH settle fir the less, when i can have the best.
Even if I can not have her, I am not going to turn around and lie that there is someone else, so, if you dream that that could be the case, wake up, you just got an invite to being fried, deep fried, in pieces.

humans of earth, I have taken over your planet...
PLEASE take it personally, because this is NOT

just business

Of course it is all just crazy, which is why i have no real hope that anyone will seriously believe it. Of course, i would NOT have believed that SHE would swallow it, because, of course, when I started out with this, I wanted NO one on my side, i was systematically alienating myself from all, not only because i wanted to have God show me up and have Him  wash His hands of me so that I could die, but also, I really hated people, which is why I was not ashamed to show how I was as despicable as possible so that I could end up in no man's land.
And God says, "I see you My friend",  after a particularly naughty thing I did, a line from a song by seal, like, I would never survive unless i went crazy, and that is what is going on now.

I have to be crazy just to be a ... living... maverick, and i do not actually WANT this life I live

A man decides

 after 70 years

that what he goes there for

is to unlock the door

while those around him criticise and speak

through a fracture

on a breaking wall

I see you My friend

and touch your face again

miracles will happen as we dream

but we never gonna survive

unless we go a little crazy

CRAZY!!!!...

the one who have fir holla

who no wan fir see we nice

the one who have fir holla

 who no wan we fir rejoice

we sorry for the down and out

nuh go  get to know the light

but are nuh go see

we ever giving up

we gonna fight
the one who have fir holla
who no wan fir see we dance
the one who have fir holla
 who no want we fir progress
we sorry for the down and out
'nuh go get fir see we less
but you are never gone see we giving up
are do we best

A ghetto we come from
poverty we come from
a try live up we nuh give up
coz that the life we are grow from...