Anyone aware of irony would understand why I am ... upset, because i have life, which I do not want, and I am NOT free to do AS i PLEASE, WHICH IS TO DIE, and so, when it comes to pursuit of happiness, what passes for that in MY world is a bit... strange.
Which is probably why what matters to ME MUST be upheld instead of other values being imput into that, because I am already... UPSET... see?
Because,
1) I am the EQUAL or LESSER of no man.
I have no equal, no rival, and MY wishes take second place to those of none. NEVER.
Otherwise I am NOT really the Lord of The earth, am I, and when I say that come rain come thunder, I am REMOVING all people from this planet, and that I am counting down their days, I am NOT joking, am I?
So, when someone is stupid enough to try to put me to the test, and end up asking me just who the fuck I am, and that i should NOT fuck with him, the little imp, well, I have THIS to say, well, I am going to SHOW you just who the FUCK I am, and I am going to tear and rend your innards and leave you for the crows, so that you will KNOW that, unlike you, I am not some pushover, I STAND by my word, OK?< YEAH-SS. I will make this MY personal mission, to END your life, personally, as horribly as possible, YEAH-SS! You can try fighting THAT, fool, or try to get me to back off, YEAH-SSS?
Oh, I am GAME, very yes!
2) The ONLY inhibition I have is what I SET myself
And, unfortunately, because God has a vested interest in keeping me not only alive but, as He said to ME " My yoke is EASY and MY burden is light..." not too unhappy unless at the fact that I AM alive, He sees to it that I can not have too much to bother me, and so, today, I was made very aware of ONE thing that I would have to be very blind to miss, and well, I must say that I have... backed off, a bit. it was this song that strengthened my heart when I was about to get very unreasonable today, even after I had seen what I saw and still gone ahead to make an impossible demand, because, of course, the woman could NOT possibly ... CARE ... about me, and I will have to try to find it on YouTube...
WAIT!
Anyway, I better start at the beginning, yes?
I arrived at kalk bay and found abisha already displaying stuff, and when I saw that coloured fool come and park his car- the transporter guy- right where i was standing, I was going, "God, You Asshole, is THIS why You kept me from killing her all this time?", and then, of course, I went looking, and the blinds were partially down, and I was looking for her, and did not see her. I was certain that she was THERE, and so, my day would have been done, of course, especially when I saw fools like the cunt of a rasta- another dead guy walking, let there be NO mistake about it, the mav. is NOT going to negotiate about that- and then red breeches and that other jew girl with her car parked visibly where i could not fail to see it, and I was, well, I was already in a foul mood. It was rainy, and I am NOT someone to ... hide... what I feel nowadays, especially since, technically, I am NOT in hiding anymore.
When I went and tapped my head, to urge her to ... THINK ( I am thinking here that because I said that I admire the woman and she is stubborn, I actually LIKE that trait and so, these other women decided to be stubborn as well, as if I am STILL not decided about who i want in my life, and so, for THAT, for thinking me a fool, guess what, fools, I am going to snuff out your lives instantly, and you will KNOW that the WarLord does NOT brook arguments. I have stated clearly, ad nauseum, WHO I want in my life, and if I can not have her I will have none, and you DARE try to correct me? Over what I KNOW? About what I WANT? just how stupid do you think me, ha? ) about what she was doing, and walked away, I got a surprise, because she must have driven up and parked at the parking lot across the building, and she walked out, in some black number, a short skirt - I think she would be best advised to LEARN to pay attention to what I write, not what she sees,( she saw me and abisha oggling some girl in just such a short skirt, yesterday, closing time, I think) because I specifically, ad nauseum, also, TOLD her that I want MY legs covered so that I get MY viewing pleasure ALONE, because I do NOT like sharing what I like with others, but hell, I suppose she thinks, as usual, it is all a waste of time, that I am maybe just trying to have her look drab or something like that, or maybe that I am being unreasonable because I am staying on the streets and she must do as she pleases because she has more of a say in how life must go on than I do, and if that is the case, then I urge her to think deeply, and reflect first and foremost on THIS;- am I the α and the ω or am I just playing around, because well, if i am just playing as a man who wants to get into her pants, and trust me I DO want her, for real, she should just have the courage to dump me and not settle for a liar. If, on the other hand, what I SAY is 100% what I mean, it would be silly for her to throw my words away like I am a play-actor , which is where i am at loggerheads with her over- which just barely covered her ... MY... area of interest, and that nice looking jacket of hers, and spiky high heels, and she walked into the olympia bakery, and I stared as she walked past, and then she came back, and i was nearer her then, and she sort of stumbled in her high heels, and well, that was not a biggy, I mean, i do NOT intend to be bossy over her, IF we are alone, she can wear what she likes, but being in public and wearing something that leaves me with an inferiority complex, hell, i am not quite happy with that, but she stumbled, and well, I realised what a fool I was, as I looked at her face, and the fact that if ever there was anyone saying "prince, I am sorry" to me, here she was, because... she is, as I said, so easy to read.
And suddenly it did not matter to me what she had done, although it still bothered me that she persisted in trying to link up with me while linking up with those other guys. THAT was insulting to me.
SO I went up and stood across the road, and was going, in mimicry, "I am the BOSS of everything you see, and you still want to put me down as something small. You are getting me upset.
cant remember the proper sequence because twice i was so upset I walkked away, and the trains were too long delayed for me, and I wanted to just come, sit down, declare war, and then go after them, weapons drawn, having THEM know that I was coming to scalp them all.
BUT her face.
I could not hurt her like that. I wiggled a finger in warning, and of course i think that them fools decided that, if i was NOT walkign away, I MUST be in a mood to reason with them, because they were showing up all morose and sorrowful, or downright arrogant, like the imp.
When I saw the apple of my eye and she walked into that office, I was not amused, because I was being kicked in the balls yet again, and she would NOT let go, but would still NOT go all the way for me - OK, cant say I blame her, threatening to kill her family is NOT something that is geared to make her eager to please me, BUT, well, if I promise to just ignore them till, they die of... knowledge... like MY own family, would that be a bad deal? I mean, make NO mistake about it I am going to KILL off everyone, because well, THIS world is MY home, and I do NOT share what is mine with those i can not stand- and so, I was like, well, fuck this, so I went to see vinnie and his ailing wife. As I came back, I bumped into the imp, going to that lodge of theirs - a pile of rubble soon- and I was further displeased to see one of the two possum boys, the less guilty one- the OTHER, well, I HATE and can NOT let HIM just go, Oh, he DIES, because that insult was not only uncalled for, but very very personal, so hell, woman, I love you, but that ... fool, that fool is dead and dead!, YEAH-SSS- walking from the bakery and i was like, woman what kind of fool do you take me for, to think that just seeing you will atone for what you did and persist in doing. I mean, do you have any idea how you are degrading me?
So, I was pissed off, especially when the gallery woman came and parked her car where the colored fool had done earlier, and i was like, I am really getting fed up here. I HOPE that the gallery woman is NOT her mother just so that I can KILL the bitch, oh, yesss!
handidi handidi
zvekutauara nesimbe amai
handidi handidi
zvekutaura nenyope amai
vanoswera
vanoswera
vachinyomba
hurumende vachiti
"kune vamwe vasingadi
kuriritira upenyu hwavo"
vatete vatete
munodarireiko
kuchengeta
marovha
vatete vatete
vatete munodarirei
kuchengeta
matsotsi
vanoswera
vanoswera
vachinyomba
hurumende vachiti
"kune vamwe vasingadi
kuriritira
upenyo hwavo"
Because, of course, to her, all I want is to be looked after, and do not want to look after myself, right?
And I use any excuse to get my own way while i just lie down and demand stuff, yes?
Like in the song:- " I do not want/ I do not want, mother/to talk or negotiate with roustabouts/lazy people/ who speak ill of their GOVERNMENT/saying that there are others who do not want to look after themselves/.... Auntie, Auntie, /why do you do this/ that you keep robbers/ who speak ill of their government/ saying that they are lazy and do not want to keep their own lives/"
Guess the fact that I have life which i do NOT want, which is the basic premise about me, is lost on her, right? Or really, on everyone else. FOOLS!
Ok, then, since i discovered that the lazy fool does mean a lot to the chick, i will even let him off the hook, because I have just been told, again,
" mbereko, mbereko
mbereko yakaramba"
I wonder if she will buy that, or if she will kick me down again, this woman, because i can see potential holes in all this, and she will probably take full advantage of them.
Guess I will have to kill her then!
Anyway, the imp came back again, and i was going to go look for the apple of my eye, and go "?!" when, I saw that vinnie was seated too obviously for comfort, and so, I just waited for him to come out, and then, there was a bit of fun.
Guy was walking towards his car, a beemer x3, or something, and i had my back to vinnie, and i was leaning against my sparring partner, the loosened pillar that is meant to stop motorists parking in tony's restaurant, and so, as he came down the small dirt road, I said to him, "dont push me", and he goes, "wha'? wha' did you say to me?"
you heard me
then I turned away. Unfortunately, vinnie was watching, and had put two and two together and come up with... four, and he was walking towards us, and well, as i turned my back on the imp- job done- i thought, he was already getting ready with effusive apologies.
So the imp got puffed up, and said , after he had seemed to drive off, "dont fuck with me" and he was telling vinnie just how important he was, and well, of course, the imp stated how he owned a lodge, and who the fuck was i to tell him not to 'look' at him -he must have hearing diabetes as well as ADD- i just responded to the word, "fuck" and was going for him, of course, after i had done my classic bit whenever vinnie is around, which is SODDI, "Some Other Dude Did It", It wasn't me, which of course, NEVER works, because later my friend sat down with me,and pulled out my rap sheet, and said later, as an addendum, "he is married, he does NOT want to take your woman", and of course, I was left a bit ... sick.
because I fully grasped then just how frantic with worry I am over her, and how scared I am of losing the one person that I REALLY can not imagine further life without, the apple of my eye, the joy of my heart.
When I was about to leave, packing stuff up, I was almost physically sick. I felt truly wretched, and wondered what it would or could take to get her to be mine, this woman that i love so completely and so hopelessly!
I think she IS going to use that against me, again!
Wonder if this even sounds plausible to the one person i would rather ... understood... where I am coming from.
because I am so... tired... of having this torn kind of life.
