One would imagine that anyone crazy or abnormal enough to go, not by what he sees only but by corelating that to what God says and the visions he sees would be anything but... NORMAL.
yet for all that, I STILL get fools that can not get it that the normal yardstick that them people use to try to measure themselves just does NOT hold water when it comes to the mav.
I am rather, lazily, amused, as, for example, I see tony digging his own grave ever bigger as he blasts his mouth about, for instance -I think when he looks at himself in the mirror he actually THINKS he is smart, or at least smarter than the one that wears the crown, and is RULER over all, meaning, technically, outsmarting all the smart ones as he looks down on them- about how i am being fed a carrot on a stick routine, presumably by the white people who, if I am to follow his reasoning, I am selling myself out for.
Hmm, I suppose that in your eyes, fool, I am very, very stupid, right?
I am going to PERSONALLY kill you, for every little act of yours, like when you stamp your foot in front of me, which I take as a challenge, and rightly so, so, I will answer you, and KILL you, when i am done here, but for now, you are not that important, because SHE, the one you think is giving me the carrot and stick routine, is doing NOTHING of the kind. She is as unsettled in all this as everyone else is, because, I suppose, I am still something that even she can not grasp.
So, I will make it easier for her, and everyone else.
Reason why I am the way I am is simple.
look at me, and everything I have done. No normal person looking for a good life among people deliberately goes out of his way to anger not only God but people as well, and give no thought about what happens next. Only a person whose mind is SET on death and his own demise is one that will do something so stupid as to put a noose around his own neck and jump into a canyon.
only a person that REALLY does not give a fuck will take the risk of putting his own life on the line and say, "hmm, God said this will happen, let me SEE if I can NOT make it so, YEAH-SS"
I do NOT care whether I live or die, fact, I do NOT want to live, and so, I am rather reckless about things, I never think them through, i just leap in the ditch and to hell with everything else.
All because God said He would never let go of me. Hell, it is NOT because i want to test Him, it is because I do NOT want to live that I DO test Him at all times, and so, if I came across as being someone that tends to listen to Him and obey Him, I was not quite being honest, I hate Him, but well, I never know what will happen next, so I always do my utmost to piss Him off, and of course, I am alive, so I take it that He is cool with that.
Another thing is, well, what can anyone but imply as to the nature of OUR bond if He says, for example, "you are going home with Me tonight", like I am not going to escape Him? Huh? Nothing but the fact that i will always be fighting to get rid of Him.
This, my love, is the guy you fell for.
Last night, after i had gone, 'aha', now she is tied up and can not even be anything to me, and now I can kill off everyone, guess what He does?, Yep, i had not even gone to lay my head down before THAT, and i figured out where I was wrong instantly, about you being not interested in me.
From everything, about you, you have been trying to be the mediator between me and your people
Looking at me, you have wanted me to be what your people want me to be, and then, when it comes to your people, you have shown them completely what you think of me, and how you feel about me.
Guess what all this means is that you have been the 'girlfriend who wants me to bear that asshole of yours' to me and the one that is crazy about me to your people.
I remember when kenneth and your mother fronted for you while you hid after that time i wanted to kill you for something or the other- I am ASSUMING she is your mother, here- and then the way everyone, even the imp, went out of their way to show me that he was married (and you were available, by implication) by that promo thing for the lodge, and all that bullshit which did NOTHING to placate me because all I ever wanted was you to face up to ME and tell ME what you feel about me, and everyone else and everything else is in the fucking way.
I am living on bare essentials because i can NOT stand being alive, so anything that is NOT what i am looking for, or looking at, is a BURDEN that i can not bear, and i think it is about time you realised that, or maybe just stuck to your people, and died, or something like that.
NOW, really another thing why I was not even angry when i came to kalk bay was this, I woke up to these flashes- of my elder sister , with her eyes on me, her head on a table top, looking like she had had someone take her by the side of the head, and have her lean forward and smash her left jaw flat against an adamant table top, and she was leaning there, with her eyes looking at me hopelessly, and her hands tied by a black cord and she was going, "totally to", and then the whole thing shifted, and i was up in a bed, on the left hand side, with HER standing on my left, holding a baby, and hesitating as to whether to bring it to me.
Conclusion?
Well, it would seem that when i moaned and groaned about stuff and how she was heartless, i effectively tied her hands because i was sort of, on one hand, saying she never cared for me, and on the other, that all i want from her is... sex.
I suppose the 'totally to' as well as the smashed left jaw means that, when I denied you being really in love with me, I forced your hand and made you give yourself totally to your people, and hide behind them, because now you had no leg to stand on to choose for yourself what you wanted, since I had forced you into a corner, and made it impossible for you to show even me what you REALLY thought. I am thinking here that God is telling me that YOU really CARE about me, which is, of course, unbelievable to me, because i mean, how could you be in love with me, unless you did not have your head screwed on straight? yet all the evidence, even what i have seen so far, points that way, and even if I were blind I would still see that you do not act like a person that is just 'friendly'. NO, I want you TOTALLY given over TO me. Hell, I do not want to throw any part of you away.
Woman, you are the most attractive person I have ever met, and would like to meet and keep on meeting, and what i have discovered about everything to do with you is that, just having you near me, for example, makes me less uneasy about life. THIS has nothing to do with ANYONE else because I can not, truthfully speaking, stand anyone else except on a stand-offish basis, where i keep some of myself to myself, but where you are concerned, I want all of you, for all of me, and no holds barred, and I am NOT talking sex only, I am talking ... LIFE.
So, from where I stand- I am probably going to regret this, but I warn you that if you try to push anyone else's agenda i will KILL you, I swear! No, I will probably just walk away, or complain to God, or kill whoever you try to push my way- I will never be happy if I did not have you, with all your freedom and all your intellect, free to do as you please around me, because I do not quite think i can deny you anything you want, provided it is understood that the mav IS jealous about your persistence in trying to abuse my ... affection... for you by diverting it to other, worthless causes and also, provided it is understood that, come rain come high water, I AM going to end all life on this planet, because I can NOT stand reproduction, in any form.
Period!
So, here we are.
I love you, I suppose, in as completely candid a way as i can, and you mean a whole lot to me, more than I can say, and when i say that I am never afraid of anything, but ONLY of this, that i will never hold you in my arms -yeah, THAT brings back the time when I had the worst shock of my life, when i saw you being kissed; I really HOPE that that asshole is your brother and that you can bring the PROOF that he is that, if you are interested that is, because everyone that is NOT family that dipped their fingers in my pie will DIE, no exceptions. And by dip, I also hope, for your sake -which is something them silly bitches do not get and which would be a reason why I kill them for their presumption- that NO one has dipped their pens in the fountain, because i will take NO ONE's leavings. I mean, I am ready to KILL you for being merely KISSED, so if anything more has been done, and it was in passion by you, for another, and not merely to piss me off like I had to conclude that kiss was, then i will KILL you, with my own hands, for not being MINE completely-BUT I will never give up my pride for the sake of holding you in my arms, hell NO. I want you, but you have to be clean, and uninvolved with anything else, and with no PAST of BEING involved with anyone else. That page of you is one I want to open myself, and I am so set on you being the only person I want in my life, that I am willing to turn my back on any other alternatives- hell, I did that already- because you are the one I want, YOU alone.
No other will do.
somewhere in this mix should be a track on desperado, and well, I just like the
despa-despa-despa-despa-desperado...
If I dont see you today will I see you tomorrow?
BIT
yet for all that, I STILL get fools that can not get it that the normal yardstick that them people use to try to measure themselves just does NOT hold water when it comes to the mav.
I am rather, lazily, amused, as, for example, I see tony digging his own grave ever bigger as he blasts his mouth about, for instance -I think when he looks at himself in the mirror he actually THINKS he is smart, or at least smarter than the one that wears the crown, and is RULER over all, meaning, technically, outsmarting all the smart ones as he looks down on them- about how i am being fed a carrot on a stick routine, presumably by the white people who, if I am to follow his reasoning, I am selling myself out for.
Hmm, I suppose that in your eyes, fool, I am very, very stupid, right?
I am going to PERSONALLY kill you, for every little act of yours, like when you stamp your foot in front of me, which I take as a challenge, and rightly so, so, I will answer you, and KILL you, when i am done here, but for now, you are not that important, because SHE, the one you think is giving me the carrot and stick routine, is doing NOTHING of the kind. She is as unsettled in all this as everyone else is, because, I suppose, I am still something that even she can not grasp.
So, I will make it easier for her, and everyone else.
Reason why I am the way I am is simple.
look at me, and everything I have done. No normal person looking for a good life among people deliberately goes out of his way to anger not only God but people as well, and give no thought about what happens next. Only a person whose mind is SET on death and his own demise is one that will do something so stupid as to put a noose around his own neck and jump into a canyon.
only a person that REALLY does not give a fuck will take the risk of putting his own life on the line and say, "hmm, God said this will happen, let me SEE if I can NOT make it so, YEAH-SS"
I do NOT care whether I live or die, fact, I do NOT want to live, and so, I am rather reckless about things, I never think them through, i just leap in the ditch and to hell with everything else.
All because God said He would never let go of me. Hell, it is NOT because i want to test Him, it is because I do NOT want to live that I DO test Him at all times, and so, if I came across as being someone that tends to listen to Him and obey Him, I was not quite being honest, I hate Him, but well, I never know what will happen next, so I always do my utmost to piss Him off, and of course, I am alive, so I take it that He is cool with that.
Another thing is, well, what can anyone but imply as to the nature of OUR bond if He says, for example, "you are going home with Me tonight", like I am not going to escape Him? Huh? Nothing but the fact that i will always be fighting to get rid of Him.
This, my love, is the guy you fell for.
Last night, after i had gone, 'aha', now she is tied up and can not even be anything to me, and now I can kill off everyone, guess what He does?, Yep, i had not even gone to lay my head down before THAT, and i figured out where I was wrong instantly, about you being not interested in me.
From everything, about you, you have been trying to be the mediator between me and your people
Looking at me, you have wanted me to be what your people want me to be, and then, when it comes to your people, you have shown them completely what you think of me, and how you feel about me.
Guess what all this means is that you have been the 'girlfriend who wants me to bear that asshole of yours' to me and the one that is crazy about me to your people.
I remember when kenneth and your mother fronted for you while you hid after that time i wanted to kill you for something or the other- I am ASSUMING she is your mother, here- and then the way everyone, even the imp, went out of their way to show me that he was married (and you were available, by implication) by that promo thing for the lodge, and all that bullshit which did NOTHING to placate me because all I ever wanted was you to face up to ME and tell ME what you feel about me, and everyone else and everything else is in the fucking way.
I am living on bare essentials because i can NOT stand being alive, so anything that is NOT what i am looking for, or looking at, is a BURDEN that i can not bear, and i think it is about time you realised that, or maybe just stuck to your people, and died, or something like that.
NOW, really another thing why I was not even angry when i came to kalk bay was this, I woke up to these flashes- of my elder sister , with her eyes on me, her head on a table top, looking like she had had someone take her by the side of the head, and have her lean forward and smash her left jaw flat against an adamant table top, and she was leaning there, with her eyes looking at me hopelessly, and her hands tied by a black cord and she was going, "totally to", and then the whole thing shifted, and i was up in a bed, on the left hand side, with HER standing on my left, holding a baby, and hesitating as to whether to bring it to me.
Conclusion?
Well, it would seem that when i moaned and groaned about stuff and how she was heartless, i effectively tied her hands because i was sort of, on one hand, saying she never cared for me, and on the other, that all i want from her is... sex.
I suppose the 'totally to' as well as the smashed left jaw means that, when I denied you being really in love with me, I forced your hand and made you give yourself totally to your people, and hide behind them, because now you had no leg to stand on to choose for yourself what you wanted, since I had forced you into a corner, and made it impossible for you to show even me what you REALLY thought. I am thinking here that God is telling me that YOU really CARE about me, which is, of course, unbelievable to me, because i mean, how could you be in love with me, unless you did not have your head screwed on straight? yet all the evidence, even what i have seen so far, points that way, and even if I were blind I would still see that you do not act like a person that is just 'friendly'. NO, I want you TOTALLY given over TO me. Hell, I do not want to throw any part of you away.
Woman, you are the most attractive person I have ever met, and would like to meet and keep on meeting, and what i have discovered about everything to do with you is that, just having you near me, for example, makes me less uneasy about life. THIS has nothing to do with ANYONE else because I can not, truthfully speaking, stand anyone else except on a stand-offish basis, where i keep some of myself to myself, but where you are concerned, I want all of you, for all of me, and no holds barred, and I am NOT talking sex only, I am talking ... LIFE.
So, from where I stand- I am probably going to regret this, but I warn you that if you try to push anyone else's agenda i will KILL you, I swear! No, I will probably just walk away, or complain to God, or kill whoever you try to push my way- I will never be happy if I did not have you, with all your freedom and all your intellect, free to do as you please around me, because I do not quite think i can deny you anything you want, provided it is understood that the mav IS jealous about your persistence in trying to abuse my ... affection... for you by diverting it to other, worthless causes and also, provided it is understood that, come rain come high water, I AM going to end all life on this planet, because I can NOT stand reproduction, in any form.
Period!
So, here we are.
I love you, I suppose, in as completely candid a way as i can, and you mean a whole lot to me, more than I can say, and when i say that I am never afraid of anything, but ONLY of this, that i will never hold you in my arms -yeah, THAT brings back the time when I had the worst shock of my life, when i saw you being kissed; I really HOPE that that asshole is your brother and that you can bring the PROOF that he is that, if you are interested that is, because everyone that is NOT family that dipped their fingers in my pie will DIE, no exceptions. And by dip, I also hope, for your sake -which is something them silly bitches do not get and which would be a reason why I kill them for their presumption- that NO one has dipped their pens in the fountain, because i will take NO ONE's leavings. I mean, I am ready to KILL you for being merely KISSED, so if anything more has been done, and it was in passion by you, for another, and not merely to piss me off like I had to conclude that kiss was, then i will KILL you, with my own hands, for not being MINE completely-BUT I will never give up my pride for the sake of holding you in my arms, hell NO. I want you, but you have to be clean, and uninvolved with anything else, and with no PAST of BEING involved with anyone else. That page of you is one I want to open myself, and I am so set on you being the only person I want in my life, that I am willing to turn my back on any other alternatives- hell, I did that already- because you are the one I want, YOU alone.
No other will do.
ah, you KNOW this part
me nuh settle fir the less
I proceed for the best
and if you think I lie
put me to the test
gimme a mike and a beat...
I hope that before you even -I did say "hope", right, and not EXPECT, because when I say "hope" I mean that I am not really expecting it, and am expecting the complete opposite of that- come anywhere near me, you have disentangled yourself from mike and all his worldliness, because you HAVE angered me a lot because of him, and given assholes like tony the chance to malign me because they think I suck pussy. That is MY pride you are trampling on everyday I spend trying to be civil and having to go back to where i started from, so, beware that I am NOT actually a happy person that things are the way they are, I HATE it, and would not be amused to find out that you are NOT even the girl I ... hoped for, but just what I expected, a pretty face and a stubborn mindset without the purity of heart to go with it.
I would be very disappointed, and trust me, disappointments, where I am concerned, with people NEVER happen, and so, I rate you potentially higher, at this moment, than anything and anyone else.
I would HATE to be proved right, that you are just a common tart after all.
For once, do not test me, prove me wrong, because, as I said, if you can not take me at my words, do not take me at all, because I will NOT stand being fought for the life I live,the life I do not even want, because you just can not grasp the simple fact that I am NOT in any way like you.
me say me nuh do what babylon want me do
them dress in a straight jeans
me inna khaki suit
and when me are the only man with pants pon waist
me nuh follow nobody
and when the whole jamaica bleach them face
me nuh follow nobody
I'm on the rock
and then I take a stock
I have to run like a fugitive
to save the life I live
I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be
iron
like a lion
in zion
somewhere in this mix should be a track on desperado, and well, I just like the
despa-despa-despa-despa-desperado...
If I dont see you today will I see you tomorrow?
BIT
