Ah, This Is ... Embarrassing!

I appear to have... shot... myself a bit in the foot, here, because it only became really apparent when I went offline and then, well, started feeling very ... horny.
And I figured that, well, the reason why I had been so focused on that girl all that time was because i had worked things up to this point, BUT included her in it because of... sex. And chosen the one i was most likely ... likely... to have and also enjoy.
guess that is something of a... failed thing now, ha?
I mean, fuck it, I am set on my course, I know it does not look like it, but I am, and well, I suddenly realise i wanted one of those, with them shapely asses and the curves that make a man want to just run his hands up and down her body, and stroke her, even when he is not actually doing anything to her.
But, well, no one likes a... child... doing that to her, and for some reason the woman does not actually THINK there is anything more to me than a troubled young fool whose mother abused him and who needs guidance in order to get anywhere in life. Thunder and lightning, or rather, it goes, "hell and powder/lightning and thunder/ when the youth them fed up and frus/ babylon fall like lumber get cast as under when the lightning set up and flash"; well these things do not seem to feature in to her ... mind. they are just aberations, I think, like, well, she can dismiss them because God would never stand for that, would He?
I mean, I see that whenever I write something all mushy and sentimental, a whole flock of 'views' show up on my stats, but when i am like this, bitingly sarcastic and without a mask, I get nothing much, because, maybe, the 'viewers' take one look, and dont call their other friends to also look because, of course, 'he is just being perverse again;- I will tell you when he comes to his senses'
ah, well, the maverick is going out, with or without your views

So, where was I? I am embarrassed, see, because well, I am in a bit of a fix here. I had reached my "Ok, this is the One" moment, and well, she started acting all high and mighty, and tried toput me in line, like all women have been doing since time immemorial. Apparently with the DNA handed down from mother to daughter is the formula, which curiously I heard from MY cousin, tsungayi, which goes, "never fall in love with someone who loves you,rather be involved with someone that loves you and you do not love. That way, you will not get hurt". Now, I am a straightforward guy,andI am like, how thefuck canyou live with yourself then, knowing that you do not love someone but  he loves you and you are just using him? well, she had a white wedding, my cousin, but I knew of a string of boyfriends that she had been involved with that well,she must have memories of,, of at least one that hse wished was the oneholding her, not the one who is now the father of her son.
And,well, sheis cool with that.
I could never do that, but then,women are 'fair', see, they always allow someone to talk them into stuiff, and say, OK, well, what could I do? Fuck, like that chick that God made me back off from with his "what tangled webs we weave " statement, and then I saw her and she was like, "i moved to the capital, and then, well, it just happened, I got married", like she was nota participant in this, a willing, active participant. Well, fuck that, I do not wait for nonsense. Aperson takes up hewr ownintyerests and does as she pleases, and fucking well knows that she did what she did because SHE wanted it,, fuck what anyone else may say. Of course, where I am concerned, MY terms and conditions apply which I stated. BUt I am not holding my breath. I am thinking of this song that annoyed her and got mike to show off his stuff at me, and I decided to kill him

.I mean, you hide behind a person after he shows me up, and you still expect me to go easy on him and on you when you still persist in trying to include me in your little world, andit does not bother you that I ambothered by all that?
fuckdoes the woman take me for?
A backward, mountain dwelling little boy with a persecution complex who 'does not understand' what a complicated world this is and how one can not exist without money?
Fuck it, welcome to MY world, the END game,, where only real values apply, and every heart is laid bare to the scrutiny of all. No hiding behind others, no 'he made me do it',. everyone stands for their own actions and is accountable for it, and the judge, well, he does not give a damn what anyone else may think, he addressed issues of HIS own interest..

 Oh, maybe I amjusta person who beats walls in frustration and does not really feel anything. Hmmm, did I tell you that I actually control the WHOLE earth? And all in it? mmm, I do not know, I mean, money is... HERE... and well, the weather and stuff are... things that one can not actuallyfactor in, like, I will give a lightning bolt 50% chance to land right on the passenger seat of your caras you drive home tonight? Or strike just 30cm to your left as you walk or cycle? i mean, imagine justhow one can NOT touch any of those things, while, well,  money one can touch, yes?