So, I try to walk to fish-hoek; I am financially embarrassed till this evening, when my... salesman... brings back the dough, and I reach the taxi rank, and my bones are in too much in pain for me to walk.
i turn back, weary, but at least happy about one thing, I SAID I was coming for judgement to kalk bay, and the moment I turned towards the place, first a mere whisp of cloud starts gathering over the mountain, and then later on, the cloud darkens.
good, I seem to be fully functional, in that regard, no more "i-can-not-harm-you" limits. I am going to KILL the bitch!, YEAH-SSS!
I will tell you why, and I have been thinking about nothing else since yesterday. I had been worried so much about my HIV-status that I did not even consider the fact that someone was actually walking all over me because of that same thing. She had the nerve to parade guys around me and say I did not 'deserve' to complain because I would never actually get between HER legs, so I must not worry, it is not like she was having sex with them, was she?
She is SOOO dead. I have never had so much humilation in my whole from a mere little silly fool that thinks the world rises and sets on her. Fuck it, she has got NO breasts, and ... to think that she had the nerve to dictate terms to me, as if I am some kind of... stupid idiot that would 'worship'her from a distance like she is the sun or something.
i do not know what kind of man she thought I was, the kind who would take her to bed if there was even the slightest chance of putting her in harm's way? I mean, what is the point in being All-Powerful if one can not shake off a mere... disease?
she never got it, did she, that I am, was, and will technically remain, a... dead... person, and that my entire body is and will always be in the process of rejecting life and any burden unless I take measures to remove that burden myself, which is why I need to go away, where i can at least have blood flowing with no hindrance to my entire body.
fuck, she messed with the WRONG man.
I am going to do this also, and not punish just her, but I will systematically, and methodically remove EVERY jew on the planet, and take away everyone that is UNDER it in paradise or wherever, and cast them ALL to hell, because them silly fools think they matter in the scheme of things. THIS I will NOT alter, NO!
i turn back, weary, but at least happy about one thing, I SAID I was coming for judgement to kalk bay, and the moment I turned towards the place, first a mere whisp of cloud starts gathering over the mountain, and then later on, the cloud darkens.
good, I seem to be fully functional, in that regard, no more "i-can-not-harm-you" limits. I am going to KILL the bitch!, YEAH-SSS!
I will tell you why, and I have been thinking about nothing else since yesterday. I had been worried so much about my HIV-status that I did not even consider the fact that someone was actually walking all over me because of that same thing. She had the nerve to parade guys around me and say I did not 'deserve' to complain because I would never actually get between HER legs, so I must not worry, it is not like she was having sex with them, was she?
She is SOOO dead. I have never had so much humilation in my whole from a mere little silly fool that thinks the world rises and sets on her. Fuck it, she has got NO breasts, and ... to think that she had the nerve to dictate terms to me, as if I am some kind of... stupid idiot that would 'worship'her from a distance like she is the sun or something.
i do not know what kind of man she thought I was, the kind who would take her to bed if there was even the slightest chance of putting her in harm's way? I mean, what is the point in being All-Powerful if one can not shake off a mere... disease?
she never got it, did she, that I am, was, and will technically remain, a... dead... person, and that my entire body is and will always be in the process of rejecting life and any burden unless I take measures to remove that burden myself, which is why I need to go away, where i can at least have blood flowing with no hindrance to my entire body.
fuck, she messed with the WRONG man.
I am going to do this also, and not punish just her, but I will systematically, and methodically remove EVERY jew on the planet, and take away everyone that is UNDER it in paradise or wherever, and cast them ALL to hell, because them silly fools think they matter in the scheme of things. THIS I will NOT alter, NO!
So, if she thought that the maverick was backing off, because she is ... special, hell,open them silly eyes of yours, bitch, because time's up. I am coming to KILL you, and as I promised you, you will suffer the worst thing that you ever thought you would. Lets make a date for tomorrow, shall we, so that you can start to shiver, first, YEAH-SSS!
or try to run away.
or try to run away.
afraid of us
you know this ain't a game to us
you strange to us
that's when we getting dangerous
this is serious
we could make you delirious
you should have a HEALTHY fear of us
coz too much of us can be dangerous
we so dangerous
so dangerous
my whole entire unit is dangerous!
Fuck, if the 'smart chick' did not have such an abrasive voice, the swimmer woman was not married, or her delicious looking daughter compromised, or any of the women rejectable because of one thing or another, then I would have taken them in her stead and THEN brought her low. But fuck it, I, with open eyes, rejected every single on of them, and can not change that because well, I assumed she had a brain.
blondes!
which reminds me, this little mama decided to piss me off by walking around with a blonde chick, who is a dead ringer for her SO, and she was so... smug ... about it when she did so after the 'smart chick' disappeared that she assumed, I guess, i thought with my dick and would allow just about anyone to cross my entrance into MY chambers. For THAT insult woman, you are not only dead, but even the very grass you have walked on will be scorched because of you. I intend to make you, and every one like you... suffer!
Fuck it, I am in pain!
it shoots up my feet like a lance, and yeah, I know, you would all love it for me to 'admit' that I was dying of hiv-aids, but heck, I wish I could please you there, but well, the last laugh WILL be mine. I have had this from childhood, and this ... tiredness... is not something new. I remember when, after God... happened (oh, in case you are NOT keeping records, I was infected in 2003, FYI) and I had not even smelled pussy before, and had quit the Goldbach Conjecture and was trying to go to university, and was sitting in the great hall, listening to this lecture in Number Theory, and for once using my ... hitherto unused... brain to grasp just how miserable my future was, and feeling literally like my heart was already about to ... burst... from my chest, a... song, full of shared sorrow, came into my mind, and the person who sang it was a woman, and well, they may be governed by periods, think they have to catch every man's eye just to justify their existence, but them empty headed creatures can be soulful. Anyway, the song was full of implicit meaning, like God was saying He knew exactly what was troubling me, and well, it is consistent with the line He has taken in my life> I will see if the damn song is on YouTube. NO, but the words shouldbe familiar to any church-goer
blondes!
which reminds me, this little mama decided to piss me off by walking around with a blonde chick, who is a dead ringer for her SO, and she was so... smug ... about it when she did so after the 'smart chick' disappeared that she assumed, I guess, i thought with my dick and would allow just about anyone to cross my entrance into MY chambers. For THAT insult woman, you are not only dead, but even the very grass you have walked on will be scorched because of you. I intend to make you, and every one like you... suffer!
Fuck it, I am in pain!
it shoots up my feet like a lance, and yeah, I know, you would all love it for me to 'admit' that I was dying of hiv-aids, but heck, I wish I could please you there, but well, the last laugh WILL be mine. I have had this from childhood, and this ... tiredness... is not something new. I remember when, after God... happened (oh, in case you are NOT keeping records, I was infected in 2003, FYI) and I had not even smelled pussy before, and had quit the Goldbach Conjecture and was trying to go to university, and was sitting in the great hall, listening to this lecture in Number Theory, and for once using my ... hitherto unused... brain to grasp just how miserable my future was, and feeling literally like my heart was already about to ... burst... from my chest, a... song, full of shared sorrow, came into my mind, and the person who sang it was a woman, and well, they may be governed by periods, think they have to catch every man's eye just to justify their existence, but them empty headed creatures can be soulful. Anyway, the song was full of implicit meaning, like God was saying He knew exactly what was troubling me, and well, it is consistent with the line He has taken in my life> I will see if the damn song is on YouTube. NO, but the words shouldbe familiar to any church-goer
jehovah mune hanya
neupenyu hwangu
Mwari Baba mune chekuita
Mwari Baba mune chekuita
neupenyu hwangu
I did not understand even then WHY, when it seemed that there was an open invitation to cry on the shoulder of One Who 'had concern for my life' I did not do so. But now I do. Sort of. I mean, it is impossible for me to do so, because I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE and nothing can alter than.
later, when I had to sort of try again to live, and was struggling in kwekwe before I decided to get myself infected, there was this other song also, about not having a home, which I also wrote about earlier, just so that all you fools will realise that this is not a sudden, unplanned thing, but was always there
later, when I had to sort of try again to live, and was struggling in kwekwe before I decided to get myself infected, there was this other song also, about not having a home, which I also wrote about earlier, just so that all you fools will realise that this is not a sudden, unplanned thing, but was always there
mweya wangu chinyarara
mwari anoziva nguva
And even then, I got the ...sense... that God was not speaking to... ME ... but to something that was bearing me, like me and my soul were two distinct entities. Then later He said, when I complained that He honoured jesus but me He had left stranded, "I have given you a companion... my own soul". And all this I recorded, and later, there was the gumboy and rumble saga, and I discovered that I had a... helper... who is the essence of survive, a sort of mount that keeps me alive.
Fuck it, I am unique, and for that reason, I dictate terms. I want to leave, and all I wanted, in this world and time, was to be loved, not blindly, but as I am, not for who someone thinks I am or wants me to be, but to love me for me. Instead, I got all this crap, and get treated like something that must be crushed and kept in its place, and fucking bitch does not get it if I am angry?
Fuck, get ready for the showdown, woman! And to think Ithought you were... better than this!
Fuck it, I am unique, and for that reason, I dictate terms. I want to leave, and all I wanted, in this world and time, was to be loved, not blindly, but as I am, not for who someone thinks I am or wants me to be, but to love me for me. Instead, I got all this crap, and get treated like something that must be crushed and kept in its place, and fucking bitch does not get it if I am angry?
Fuck, get ready for the showdown, woman! And to think Ithought you were... better than this!
