So... I keep it low/keep a secret code/so not everyone else has to know/..../
i got something to lose/so I got to move/I cant keep myself, and still keep you too/
I do not even KNOW, for the life of me, what to SAY, because I apparently have reached a crisis point, a point where I either just get demented or I walk away. I mean, just like the song goes, I have met no one new, but at the same time, I can not actually take in what happened. I mean, getting shown, for whatever reason -I am still thinking of when the woman would go all jealous over me talking to other women- that (One) I am married, with the obligatory ring, which she made sure, after her irritating high heels were brought into focus again ( I seem to have been demoted from her trying to please me, she WAS wearing a dress, black, but maybe wanted me to hear her and turn to see her, maybe it is because of the jews, whom, now that i think about it, I AM going to totally wipe out, just for the hell of it, just because i do not like being directed, or TAUGHT to behave, if that is or even if that is NOT the point to all of this), and then (Two)having the chick walk into the bakery, buy two cups of coffee, and then walk out again and head straight, yeah, you know, just there, and I am like, 'wow'.
first, i tried to just shrug it off, and then I went to check if she was there. She was.
And then I wanted to walk away, and I did, and walked back again, and then, when I came to, and got all the looks, from even the waiter I wanted to kill three times, and then later decided, this morning, in fact, after weighing everything in the balance, to just let off the hook because he was never to my knowledge WITH her, to piss me off, I wanted to kill off everyone, and I am sure that, given sufficient free time, I will probably do just that, I mean, kalk bay is easy to destroy, and frankly, I have NOTHING to lose, while you all do, and what therefore surprises me if how come there is even a... hint... of, competition, but then, i am running ahead, here. I need to get into the mood, and recuperate. I am not even angry, which means, from how i know myself, i am approaching lethal, remorseless, unrelenting, mayhem mode. So, a suitable song, is... fitting, yeah-ss
It is getting to me, now. I have wasted enough time, and been taken for a fool by a woman who probably, from the first, only wanted to make sure her... breed... were safe. Well, no one plays ME for a fool. I have mentioned my path, and mentioned that I have reached a point where all that matters to me is to have MY way, because i can not abide by any other way. But, of course, even to her, all that is just stupid, just me trying to be something I am not. I mean, i did not even want to come to work today, I was going to spend the day sleeping or something in site five. But brian was not coming to work either today, and i thought of a day stcuk with a guy still trying to find which kind of label to put on me, and being ... polite... because i do not have 'one love' like all rastas do, and I am not even a rasta. i am prince, and I have dreadlocks, and now, I suppose, with reason, because what i dreaded is come to pass, and now, i am thinking, well, i am going to probably KILL the woman I said I would not harm, because i hate being made a fool of, and more to the point, a PUBLIC fool of, and so, I am not in a forgiving mood, no, no not at all. I am wondering what to actually DO to make all this have impact, make all this have more umph. NO, simple thunder and lightning do not even come up to it. And fuck the rain, Or, maybe not. Maybe i will make everyone homeless and then kill them all.
nothing personal, I just hate being made into a poes.
I wonder just how angry I am really getting, because now, at this moment, I am in shock, and not quite sure what to make of all this.Maybe I should drop it from the top.
Ok, this is what happened, Ok, I came to work, and because i had to come, it follows that my mood had to be mellow, which means the weather was NOT bad, follow [wonder what it will take for them fools to grasp the complete, simple, truth of who is the boss,me or God; maybe the lyrics of the song by sean paul will enlighten them=>song called esa loca, where the fuck is it?]
the words are actually the OPENING ones, just so you know, and can not blame the jamaican accents, or what.
eh yo if you the script well the game done changed
dutty cop music drive them insane
world wide yo it aint been the same
jig zag zigallo come bring the PAIN
eh yo {"shown" [michaels?]} anyone remember the shown michaels vision with the, ah fuck, "so what am I, a recess project?" start?
bad man want see them parked down and jumped on
step up we gon step on them
get on the class where the real boss!
So, my point is, I am going to exercise my RIGHT to do as I please, where i please, how i please, and all that. Now, I am going home. I am in fish hoek, and can not really function at the moment, and I have no interest in walking all the way to site five if I miss the taxis.
I... THINK I am in pain. I do not know. i have never lost something I wanted before, but then, if she does not want me, then she never was mine to begin with. If I can still convince myself of that, come morning, then well, I will destroy the whole lot of you. I will spare my family only. The whole earth will become desolate.
I need to THINK, now
