Ok, this is not something I am comfortable with, but going all the way to fish hoek just to get better quality letters and stuff is not something I am confortable with, and also, I have given up the 'low profile' approach I thought I would have to adopt, if that is what I should have done.
because I have had an interesting appeal, if that is from God, which I doubt, or rather would LIKE to doubt, since it turns everything on its head like crazy.
Ok, I was signing out of the internet café, and -wow, this thing knows how to spell café , should I write cliché as well. COOL. yeah, well, don't see that too often, and anyway, its my life. Oh, well, no wonder they all persist in taking me for an idiot, what with everything else!- and, anyway, I get the same old irritating song "I will be gone in the morning when/ you awake and find/I'm no longer there", and I am like, fuck You, I am NOT going anywhere, ever again. I am sticking to my guns, asshole. Or is that Asshole, Or Almighty Asshole.
but maybe, just maybe, God took exception to the implicit blame, on Him, in my last post, and so decided to sort of lay the blame where it should go, which was on me, because, as I walked back to the end of site five-OK, FYI, I stay in the street with Nongoloza meat thing, and I think that is common knowledge where exactly, but its the house on the right as one goes down the taxi route, after the 'sleeping policeman' with a hedge, and a small little white gate- to get home I met that blue bottle fellow expat, with the bad teeth, we greeted each other and then I went and tried to make some pieces to give to some guys so they could sell them, and I could eat while I think of how to depart. My light went on the blink, and so, I had no option but to sleep, and ... I dreamed.
of things harming my fellow people, and in the background was the song by Freddie gwala, with the refrain "O sebenza mahala", like, "work for nothing", and the upshot was that I was sort of to blame for the fact that I was, by my decision, removing -it was graphic- any leg for my people to stand on since I was refusing to even , like, lift them up.
my response:
fuck do I care?
And why should it bother You what I do, Asshole Almighty?
but then, one reads in between the lines "has sworn and will not repent", and "I have claimed you for Myself", and also, weirdly, something else that happened when I was still with the Goldbach Conjecture and I decided that I would 'wait', after the Gweru mayor's mansion was built for US$1m, for the zim dollar to devaluate a bit more to, like, I:15, and I was 'rebuked' by the statement, "many people will suffer", and I thought, so what? Now, I had a plan then, which was this, I could have excelled in my studies, gotten the 15 points in my subjects, and then applied overseas, namely the US for further studies. I was among one of three students a certain company wanted to sponsor for further studies, and passports were not a chore, then, and so, I could get myself abroad easy, and then, once there, since the thinsg was valid only for US and Uk residnets, I would solve the conjecture, get the $$$, and then, get myself to just stop studying, and ... eh... die, after paying back my 'debt' to my mother, since, fuck it the woman, and everyone else I have come across, no exception, sees the potential student/artist/labourer/whatever, but NO ONE sees a person, like them. Not even God, because even He later came to me and showed me that I was just diddling, doing nothing when I have an 'enlightened mind'. And I said "up yours"... eh, "up Yours".
Because, till last night's appeal, I had no idea that God was not opposing me, but rather He was sort of re-inforcing the slowly hardening fact that I was becoming more and more aware of each day, that if I think a certain course of action, then EVERYTHING has no other choice but to do as I have ordered.
So, I can be said to be responsible for the collapse of the economy of Zimbabwe.
And God was not saying that He was in any position to stop me, but rather that I would harm people by my selfish ambition.
Good. Why should I care?
Now, I am likely to do it again, and He was quick to shift the blame from Him to me, and I was like, well, if it was NOT for the carefully choreographed 'he-is-stupid-so-lead-him-by-the-nose' stunt of yesterday, I would even do this, I would leave people alive, even jews, and carefully remove the holy spirit from his entrenched position and then leave people alive and well, while I depart, but, why the fuck should I care, for a people who are out to exploit what they see in me, and overlook me?
so, fools die.
I mean, I have been stepped on, been reduced to something lower than a used condom, and people have still expected that, because they see/define a 'need' in me for something, they can use that to get me to do as they please. I have NOT changed my mind about killing people that pissed me off, and never will, those insults have made a deep scar in my life, but at the same time, I am under ... pressure... to leave people alive because even God has placed everything under my feet. Even the people He loves. It would just kill them fools to realise that the person they overlooked has all the keys, that if I decide that I am locking the door on them, they have no appeal. ha ha, but then, everything is dead anyway, so, what the fuck does that have to do with me?
I am leaving, and just want out of here, and I do not listen to appeals from assholes that ... do not care!
because I have had an interesting appeal, if that is from God, which I doubt, or rather would LIKE to doubt, since it turns everything on its head like crazy.
Ok, I was signing out of the internet café, and -wow, this thing knows how to spell café , should I write cliché as well. COOL. yeah, well, don't see that too often, and anyway, its my life. Oh, well, no wonder they all persist in taking me for an idiot, what with everything else!- and, anyway, I get the same old irritating song "I will be gone in the morning when/ you awake and find/I'm no longer there", and I am like, fuck You, I am NOT going anywhere, ever again. I am sticking to my guns, asshole. Or is that Asshole, Or Almighty Asshole.
but maybe, just maybe, God took exception to the implicit blame, on Him, in my last post, and so decided to sort of lay the blame where it should go, which was on me, because, as I walked back to the end of site five-OK, FYI, I stay in the street with Nongoloza meat thing, and I think that is common knowledge where exactly, but its the house on the right as one goes down the taxi route, after the 'sleeping policeman' with a hedge, and a small little white gate- to get home I met that blue bottle fellow expat, with the bad teeth, we greeted each other and then I went and tried to make some pieces to give to some guys so they could sell them, and I could eat while I think of how to depart. My light went on the blink, and so, I had no option but to sleep, and ... I dreamed.
of things harming my fellow people, and in the background was the song by Freddie gwala, with the refrain "O sebenza mahala", like, "work for nothing", and the upshot was that I was sort of to blame for the fact that I was, by my decision, removing -it was graphic- any leg for my people to stand on since I was refusing to even , like, lift them up.
my response:
fuck do I care?
And why should it bother You what I do, Asshole Almighty?
but then, one reads in between the lines "has sworn and will not repent", and "I have claimed you for Myself", and also, weirdly, something else that happened when I was still with the Goldbach Conjecture and I decided that I would 'wait', after the Gweru mayor's mansion was built for US$1m, for the zim dollar to devaluate a bit more to, like, I:15, and I was 'rebuked' by the statement, "many people will suffer", and I thought, so what? Now, I had a plan then, which was this, I could have excelled in my studies, gotten the 15 points in my subjects, and then applied overseas, namely the US for further studies. I was among one of three students a certain company wanted to sponsor for further studies, and passports were not a chore, then, and so, I could get myself abroad easy, and then, once there, since the thinsg was valid only for US and Uk residnets, I would solve the conjecture, get the $$$, and then, get myself to just stop studying, and ... eh... die, after paying back my 'debt' to my mother, since, fuck it the woman, and everyone else I have come across, no exception, sees the potential student/artist/labourer/whatever, but NO ONE sees a person, like them. Not even God, because even He later came to me and showed me that I was just diddling, doing nothing when I have an 'enlightened mind'. And I said "up yours"... eh, "up Yours".
Because, till last night's appeal, I had no idea that God was not opposing me, but rather He was sort of re-inforcing the slowly hardening fact that I was becoming more and more aware of each day, that if I think a certain course of action, then EVERYTHING has no other choice but to do as I have ordered.
So, I can be said to be responsible for the collapse of the economy of Zimbabwe.
And God was not saying that He was in any position to stop me, but rather that I would harm people by my selfish ambition.
Good. Why should I care?
Now, I am likely to do it again, and He was quick to shift the blame from Him to me, and I was like, well, if it was NOT for the carefully choreographed 'he-is-stupid-so-lead-him-by-the-nose' stunt of yesterday, I would even do this, I would leave people alive, even jews, and carefully remove the holy spirit from his entrenched position and then leave people alive and well, while I depart, but, why the fuck should I care, for a people who are out to exploit what they see in me, and overlook me?
so, fools die.
I mean, I have been stepped on, been reduced to something lower than a used condom, and people have still expected that, because they see/define a 'need' in me for something, they can use that to get me to do as they please. I have NOT changed my mind about killing people that pissed me off, and never will, those insults have made a deep scar in my life, but at the same time, I am under ... pressure... to leave people alive because even God has placed everything under my feet. Even the people He loves. It would just kill them fools to realise that the person they overlooked has all the keys, that if I decide that I am locking the door on them, they have no appeal. ha ha, but then, everything is dead anyway, so, what the fuck does that have to do with me?
I am leaving, and just want out of here, and I do not listen to appeals from assholes that ... do not care!
