Without Hands

protect my life 

oh jah

Anyway, before I get to the 'hard' part, I just want to point out something that should be glaringly ... obvious to all, but then, of course, you all have become so ... good at taking my words and looking for weaknesses that you do not get the whole sense of things.

I will take you to the bible, where the 'blessed race' was in captivity, and a certain guy, the father of mathematics, was literally ... told... by God that there would be a rock that would be ... cut... without hands from a mountain, and it would smash the statue and the pieces would be scattered and never found, and it would grow and fill the whole, enetire earth.

"Without hands".

No human aid.
because the 'rock' can not bear human aid.
the rock rejects human aid.
the rock HATES human aid.
because it REJECTS humans.
Any of you suckers get it?

When I wrote my post yesterday, and signed out, I was like, oh, shit, the woman and her people in kalk bay will put two and two together and come up with a million, such are their stupid egos, and I found myself groaning, because I knew they would think my plea was for aid from ... THEM.
I mean, I am going to kill them, as things stand, and they probably assume that I have come to the point they always wanted me to be, where I NEEDED stuff from them. The silly cunt probably has taken her self-appointed role of ... helper and aid so seriously she does NOT get it that I have effectively reverted to my thouroughly UNREASONABLE state, and decided anyway to slaughter all jews, because that is easier for me in the long run, for a variety of reasons that I will get into in a bit.
But then, my main worry was that I needed to buy material to make stuff to give to some guys to sell, while I waited, and I was also worried because I did not know how to cook and mix some of the stuff that I had bought to make an easy palatable meal.
I can not stand being lost in ... life.

So, my Friend let me sleep it off, and then, once the initial panic wore off, I did the obvious, and asked around how to cook various foods. And did it myself.
And also, another thing was that fidelis came and brokered a deal with mefor some beads that I sorely needed to make various pieces, and so, I had no need to go past kalk bay this morning, and tear myself to pieces over things that are just a waste of time.

As we walked to fidelis' place, I looked towards kalk bay, and what do you know, again, there was a cloud ONLY on the mountain, and the rest of the sky was clear. And I wondered then, as I do now, if them fools get it that my anger abides on them, that I have made up my mind to ... destroy ... them, and none of the dire promises I made will fall short. The worst of the things I promised, well, take that for the least of the things I will do. Because I feel like it. Anyway, yesterday, when I went out with fidelis, uh, I mean went out to get beads, not what you all may think, stupid sods, I had the song above in my head. And found out that I was being ... carried... through my low point.
without hands!

     

Anyway, as to WHY I am going to do certain things, here is a bit of historical background, about friendship, or MY Friendship with God. I have ranted and raved at Him, and done so out loud a lot as well, and that has given the misguided impression that whenever I say that He is an asshole, for instance I am ready to give up my purported course and do as people would want. That can NEVER happen. People are nuisances to me, and I would be very happy to waste the whole lot of you and never have any bad times after. I mean, I wrote to you all how God said that I have NO Remorse, and well, that is true. I do NOT regret what I do, not a single bit. If I had to live my life all over again, I would do the same things that I did, all over again.
Which brings up and interesting point, here.
When I was no longer the Crown Prince, had ... failed... my A Levels, was waiting to go to the local university to start computer science, and my back had started burning, and I had  received the 'he was not for God took him' vision.and was really, really depressed, I was sitting in the dining room late at night, and I decided to go outside, and I sang the words of the song;- "Father I adore You/Lay my life before You/ How I love You", and repeated it alternating "father" with 'jesus', and 'spirit' because I thought that was what the Trinity wanted, see?
I went to sleep. I had effectively been saying this, "God, I can not handle the pressure here. I do not know what You want from me, but Ok, so I am prepared to stop being me and You can do as You want with me. So, here, take my life, I can not resist You"
That very night, I was woken by the song... I will try to get it on YouTube... but if I do not get it, anyway, the words are what are important, "How can I be Your best Friend?" accompanied by a vision of a sort of white cloud that had its 'tail' just above a sort of lake, and just after that vision, the bible words came up,genesis 1:2 "And the spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters", and I woke up, with a sense that God was... pleased.. NOT the later pleasure of the holy spirit that left a bad aftertaste, like a rebuke, but a happiness that was akin to what I felt from Him the first time He introduced Himself to me when I did NOT want to go meet my mother and I was worrying that now my uncle was dying, where would I go to find peace. That sense that He acknowledged me as I was. 
Anyway, I was only later to get the whole sense of what He meant by His Friendship, when I stopped panicking and started to dig into His word, focusing only ON Him,and discovered that, because people had developed selective vision, and could not handle things as they were, they assumed that when He said that, for example, "My spirit shall not always strive against flesh, for he also is but dust, nevertheless his days shall be 120 years", that meant He was talking of the man living nevertheless for 120 years, which was the holy spirit's take on that, because afterwards, the 'priviledged' like moses and joshua, lived for exactly 120 years, and then died. What God meant was that the holy spirit would strive against mankind for 120 years at least, at a time, because even he would grow weary. Since he was also just but dust.And could not look UP to God. NO One,as I have found, can, which is why christ and pastors and leaders are all so... convenient.
to help people avoid the glaring reality of God as He is.
I happen to be the only one that CAN.
because, maybe, I have nothing to lose,no illusions, and do not sugar coat things but take the least positive view, and, because of the manner God introduced Himself to me, always assume that He wants something from me.

Now, lets say He saw my ... potential. He would see that, with my outlook, I am in a position to make sure that His people came back to Him,as I would show what I know, and draw them to Him, which to ME would mean that all He saw was a tool, that I personally do NOT matter. That I could be used.
I will NOT be used.
by anyone.
Not even my mother, who carried me nine months in HER womb, could or can get THAT out of me.
So, I have decided that, since He is NOT out to use me, I will eradicate the jews as well as flood israel, so that  I make sure, for MY sake, that the holy spirit does NOT have any way to 'strive' against flesh.
I will also destroy the english, because they will think y usage of their language is awry at times, forgetting that , well, one has to study the etymology of things and figure out how these words started, and I like using things in their original context.
This is all just so that I am comfortable, with what I have to do, to make sure that I bring my mother down to the dust, and not necessarily kill her.
The rest of you all, are just... nuisances.
nothing much to write home about!