Strained

Ok, I do not know how long i can keep this... up.
I do not have even the simple solitude of my daily mountain walk, no fresh breeze to lift my spirits, and definitely, no chance to get away from people. The more i say that I am not interested in alternatives, that by my very nature I can NOT be bent to someone else's whims, the more I am pressed on all sides, and I thought I had already SAID all I had to say on the issue.
 apparently NOT.
I need a song, or something!

Now, I need a song.

Ok, first of all, I get to the stall, after having to avoid brian by leaving early so that I could have time for myself, and when i get to the stall, vinne was not there yet, and I had not bothered to tie my hair because, well, I can not keep a secret, and by now, I assumed that, since i can not really rein myself in, anyone who sees me twisting my hair, even when i am lost in thought, should read between the lines and know that my worry has nothing to do with the girl I love, not in the sense that she can make me change, but rather that i am worried that if she can not accept MY terms and conditions BEFORE I snap, and I know that I have reached snapping point already and really do not know myself what is still keeping me, then, I am going to have to... leave her behind. How, I do not know, since I find i can NOT harm her, nor, for that matter, am I really sure just how I can spare her, because I would never accept her if she did not make up her own mind, and choose things before I go ballistic, and also, well, I said that I AM going to kill thoise males, and anyone else that pissed me off, since, well, I am basically in BULLY mode, and have no time for arguing over the fate of anyone who has had the temerity, the gall, the nerve to piss me off, thinking that i am just like you, when in effect, all you have done is fuel my rage and make me STRONGER, like in the movie.
i mean, fuck it, I do not want to be alive, so, I do not go LOOKING for trouble, nor do I have a refuge to run to when I am put in a corner, so I have NO way out when I am pressed, except to take the beating, and return it to the sender, since i am already in survival mode. So, the decision of mine to kill whoever is one that i will back to the hilt, and fuck it, I am NOT backing off. The world is on borrowed time.

Anyway, when I got to kalk bay, I found a ... situation;- vinnie had forgotten his keys to go swimming and his daughter had left the house for her high school, and I was walking up and down, before I got that, and i found the imp was there second time i was at vinnie's, and i wondered if SHE was part of this. Was she seating somewhere, still trying to dictate terms and conditions to ME, the ... you-know-what?

Like, spare these males who took pleasure in observing my ... chagrin... as she walked up and down with them, like they shared the inside joke while i was being 'put in my place', like a disobedient poodle? I said they are dead, and well, the only thing remarkable about THEM is that they still have flesh and soul cleaving together, like the piranha in the sea.

How does popcaan put it? " [I] Stay far from the link aint no penny where/ steer clear them are link with me anyway/ smile up in your damn face everyday, yet still them are link with me anyway/ them want me fir them pon their cause where/ never like when things are go my way/ give them the last sign you make when you get your pay... and them, still want fir take your gain..."Now, after that, who should show up but the gallery woman, who was so nonchalant about parking her car right where i was displaying stuff, and such that I had to tell myself she had, after red-breeches, who I gave the finger to when she drove out of the parking driven after me, and showed her face as i walked to the taxi rank, instead of the further internet cafe, in fish hoek. I had to bear that in my mind as she got out, and there was ... another thing, also, that I can NOT harm HER, if and ONLY if she is the mother of the woman I love, regardless of how provocative she is, but well, if I find out she is NOT, then she is dead. Oh, and I was wondering about something else as well, and that was what I observed when i got to the gallery, a guy with a skull-cap, like a ... rabbi. Well, it is general knowledge that them fools that major in the art world, the major resort restaurants, are jews, and well, if the woman IS her mother, and she shows signs that she IS a jew, then, well,  because i love the woman anyway, I will spare the jews, but ONLY if she is WITH me, but if I am NOT suitable, I have nothing stopping me from exterminating them all just as i will exterminate ALL the chinese people, simply because a few of them pissed me off. see?of course i am unreasonable, that is the whole POINT. I do not intend to be reasonable, I intend to KILL people, OK?Anyway, I tried to ignore her, and paid her no attention, although she apparently took my offence as the olympia chick showed up and 'modelled' before me as a sign, when I was explaining the fact that I had made MY choice and was offended by those actions of these women to shirley, as a sign that I was pissed off at HER. Fuck it, I am not sure about her yet, and anyway, her race has nothing to do with me, unless of course,  it is the race of my 'chosen' one.but mike is dead, of course. I do not even THINK they are related, at all, and even if they were, I would be hard pressed NOT to kill him, unless he is a brother. If not, he dies, and THAT stands for all of them fools.

and they are all dead anyway, if anything like the scene that got vinnie to send me home happens again,because once I snap, this time, I am sure it will all come out. I am stretched past breaking point, and fuck it, i have made as many concessions as I am able to, and I MYSELF need my peace.

oh, yes, another asshole showed me who is boss today. I was hungry,  I left home without touching my breakfast, and vinnie promised to go buy something, and I could not wait, so I went to the blue bottle bombi stombi, and stood waiting for this cop to finish what he was writing with the only cashier around, and as i waited with my 1.5l Lemon Twist, who should walk in but mr- outspaan restaurant, and present his cash, and buy what he wanted, while i stood there like a forgotten  dust bin that was full but inconspicuous. I walked out. because I envisioned the ensuing argument,and decided to give it a pass. This was NOT the way for me to go... out.Guy is a certified asshole, so I will leave it at that, for now.BUT, about mike, here is a clip, or clips that will, enlighten you all

he was a cop, like the red-head in First Blood and good at his job, but he committed the ultimate sin -against ME- the AlMighty-and ... and got the woman  he loved instead.

Rule Number One, FOOL, you do NOT challenge me on the ONE thing I care about, or questioin me, or put ME on trial. For THAT you die, even IF you release her. It is too late for you, and all that are yours, that were party to THIS. You are DEAD, YEAH-SSS.

You wanted WAR, well, now face the ULTIMATE War-Lord, as I clean up your filthy lives like you would not believe even if someone told you of it, YEAH-SSSS!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


 Burn dem burn dem burn dem burn....
Them dont change we gon do sumting about it, 
Or re-arranmge we gon do sumting about it
dont cahne we gon do sumting about...
continue do it the you see how we gon show it, how we killing fir pursue it, or wah?
...
cor fir crush dem fir bend dem, or wah!