Now, I said that I am walking MY own road, that I am not for God, nor am I for people, so, of course, everything to do with God, stays with God, and not with me. I am NOT bound by the rules of God. I go where I want to go, and DO as I please, and whether you thionk God likes it or NOT, fuck YOU, Ido as Iplease.
And FIRST pon MY agenda is a trip home. To see my mother. Otherwise she will think I am so scared of her that I need to hide behind a screen. Fuck I am going to see her, and while I will do my best NOT to kill her, I am DONE beating the bush. Straight talk, from the beginning to the end.I have a mission, to make sure that she is well cared for and secure and NO ONE has any means by which he or she can hurt her, and THEN, I will wipe the floor with her. I mean, THAT is what I have been after from day one, right?
I will KILL people, of course, and I do not have to make my hands dirty to do that. None of you are really worth it. Now, if I am going alone, because of course it is up in the air whether I am going to kill this chick or no, and she happens to be the only one I can stand, and no one else, then I am taking a harley, and by taking I mean just that, I will walk into a shop, where they sell harleys, and TAKE one, and the keys, and the jackets and shoes. If I am NOT travelling alone, I will TAKE a muscle car, and I will NEED a toolbox. I ... owe ... my father one, so I will PAY that debt, without spending any money.
Anyone who nuh like it, well, gun fun dangle, too hot fir handle,bad man nuh bowl in a policeman bunker, gun fun dangle, too hard fir handle,blow away your life like fire pon candle, never yet humble... no respect people, him deal with evil,... no tell him about church, him no deal with bible, badness you know the boy him are recycle, if a tall up, we taller than the Eiffel, if we cant bullet it up, then we knife up
Well, that was just in case you all did NOT know where the land slopes. God has me alive, and I resent that. Our "friendship" is something of a joke, because 'friends' agree. God does not like a man being married, well, tough, and the woman assumes that God MUST bend me to her will so that I am HER equal, meaning she, a non-entity, gets to tell ME what I can and can not do. I am in a no win situation if I listen to either party, so, fuck it, I will do as I please. If the woman will NOT come with me, I willblame God and kill her, anyway, because she would ahve wasted my time, like I said, and I will ask Him why He wasted MY time, but I will NOTargue with HER because, of course, this is for two "friends" who are walking together because they have agreed to meet. I can not handle life and the world as it is, and God, well, when I think about it, He must surely hate the earth in its state.
i am the one on whom the burden falls, and I am NOT happy of course, I am GUMBOY, the snarling one. I am BOILING mad, and of course, you all assume that God was teaching me a lesson all long, humbling the one without knees, when the lord of all he surveys does not KNOWthe meaning of the word. You have all had people whose demands, desires you gave into, and for me, there does NOT exist anyone. Dont try to be the first, fools.I will NEVER change. Not for anyone.
besides, I have a yearning for my sister, and while THIS meeting is going to be one where I am kinda ... different, because i am suspecting that the 'voice' I have been muffling so long is NOWmaking a sound like thunder, and will be so loud that no one can really approach me, I will probably just have to see what is her state, and HOW to have her whole again, because I KNOW that it is within MY power to do as I please.
Love just aint enough,especially for one who does not even UNDERSTAND what love is, who sees everything in black and white;- this person wants something from me, what is it, so that I can deny that person that!
I mean, I am simple, I just want someone that just can not bear to let ME go. Someone that NATURALLY just wants to be WITH me, because that person I can ... understand. At least reason it out that the person has something so seriously wrong with her head that she sees something that attracts her in me, and she has tested that and WANTS it anyway.
because, fuck it, I have tried, but my hold on things, on anything, is NOT that deep. I have NOT found anything that I can hold on to. I mean, if MY life means nothing to me, so much so that God has taken it upon Himself to make sure I have a permanent keeper who makes sure I REMAIN alive- which is why my harley trip would be rather... interesting.. if I went alone, like, I mean 500kg plus and momentum,and inviting walls on either side of the roads, I mean, how can I resist?
I have hard bones, but just HOW hard? MMMH?
Baad....BBBBBBaad...Bad to the bone!Bad to the bone
Now I am thinking that I hate technology and all that stuff. So, of course, I need a plane that does NOT rely too much on these high-tech stuff, you know, one that can be driven. I will take a crash course from a military plane. Thinking of me in the clouds, and figure eights, and what would happen if I had to just shut the engines all at once in mid air, and ... wait.
Fuck, I am getting an adrenalin rush justthinking about it. I NEED to do this, I mean, YEAH-SSSS!
Of course I am crazy. You all should know that by now, Oh, YEAH-SSS!
i can NOT really grasp these things about life, but I would like, for a change to be THE priority and not how to change me, because instead of ME accepting anyone 'looking after' me, the ONLY way to get me to NOT become completely chaotic is to have someone to look after?
I can NOT be tied up by the rules that govern people, because my need for death is inextricably tied up WITH rejecting that system.
I understand NOW what God meant ALL those times by "mbereko yakaramba", and it was NOT what I assumed it to mean, rather, it meant that I could NOT be carried by anyone. Bearing a baby on one's back is called 'ku-bereka', and an idiom for one having a child is saying that she is carrying the child on her back, and what God was stressing, and funny enough, not only with her, but irritatingly enough, with michelle pereira as well, while i was going, fuck You, You can NOT tell me what to do, was that NO ONE but Him could look after me
sense me inna to me brain no coke no morphine-inna
no cocaine that me killer
certain things me nuh inna me nuh inna, me nuh inna me nuh inna, me know about fir benz and me know bout fir beemer,
no dirty hand cant cook me dinner.
if me take it tell them they woulda are say I lie
them are watch me and damn say this is a swine
but
certain things me nuh inna
...
me nuh war coz me nuh fake me nuh have nothing fir shame
I mean, my head is hiding the most sophisticated equipment in existence, I mean, I can ... ooze... through the pores enough knowledge and charisma to transform the world into some suitable place if I was so inclined, but I can not find it in me to actually CAREenough to DO anything about it.I will just settle on killing those fools that pissed me off like, especially those people she pissed me off with- I HATE mike, andwould be glad topersonally end his life if he remains in my vicinity- but I can go easy on the rest of them,, because I am feeling rather in a good mood. I mean, finally being able to do all those crazy things I have wanted to do, and kill of allwho are stupid enough to stand in my way , and answer to no one as well.
Of course, that is a lie, right? Nothing like that can happen, yes?
I mean,there are heros who always save the day, yes?
All I am thinking of is a spaceship.
Which means I do not have to kill my mother. I must really watch it, yes?
Something funky, and NON-AERODYNAMIC, of course, because there is NO atmosphere where I will be going.
IMAGINE POINTING AT POLICEMEN and have them charred to smoke instantly, and then breathe on my finger like it is a smoking pistol,as I walk on.
i mean, crazy, yes? YESSSS, Oh, YEAH-SSS.
i mean, as I am getting here, a simple demonstration is worth a million words, so, iwill begin to demonstrate.
ok, here is MY lineup of people I will definitely kill, how much time do I have, fuck?
ok, more than 1/2 an hour.
:- mike
;- goatface
;-imp
;-cunt of a rasta
;- the gallery woman
;- the coloured people she tried to have me spare, not all of them, just those she ... showed me
;- mike
;- mike
;- mike
I can bring him back to life to kill him again, and again, and again, and again, till i get tired of it!
;- the church congregation of vinnie's except, maybe, vinnie himself and family, and the old-timer (he was rather obvious as he thought he was clever) and his family. the rest can all go to hell, andI will personallyshoe them in
;-ALL the women that thought they were the ones and thought God was speaking about them to me, but I was too 'stupid' to pickup on it, and their families and their families' families, till there does NOT exist a single person that remains alive of them.
;-Any obnoxious white people that came my way and tried to show me just how clever and way more 'with-it' they were than me, like them church people., and that guy whose maid and I used to flirt, and his wife
;-mike.
;-mike again.
i REALLY will let butthead ii live, but NOT butthead i, nor michelle, nor any of their families, nor faggotface, et.c.
Many other people I just do NOT like.
kenny I will spare, I think.
the little mama, and her sprogs and her SO
;-
;-I want MIKE dead.
No one takes MY title. Hell, NO!
the chinese congregation.
ok, I will NOT kill off all the jews, I suppose they know how it feels to be belittled, and I kinda feel for them, but NOT to letting them remain in palestine or whatever they call it. THAT I WILL FLOOD. I WILL KILL americans, though, I can not stand my plans being derailed, but I suppose I am nOT going to destroy any entire peoples. As for the 'red indians', well, um, they are nature's wet rags, so i willjust eliminate them as well. I mean, they should have tried to go to INDIA and claim IT as their homeland. Fuck that.
Ok, my stomach is going queasy again, and I know what that means. I am... afraid.
ok, so Isuppose I am ... concerned... that I will end up without this woman. I suppose I have defied even my own expectations. I ...must... love... this woman. Weird, huh?
I thought that was impossible.
Well, so is making clouds.
and healing yourself of an incurable disease.
Or NOT being able to die.
Or having God as a FRENEMY.
well, so I suppose being in love is pretty 'normal'.
I suppose I am afraid of ... rejection.
