just in case some silly fool is thinking that I am fluffing it again, that I can never get to do as I promise, let me just ... educate ... you all on the deal on the ground.
I have done nothing so far, not because I am getting to the "I can never harm you" stage, again, but because, I feel... fine.
now, walk a bit with me in my shoes. I grew up with ONE thought, and that has been, from the word go, to KILL my mother, and that thought is of course, WRONG, morally. However, that is what I have been thinking, all along, and when God came, of course, the ... pressure... was rather too pronounced.
Even when I tried to be what was written in the bible, and conform, the burden was just a bit too heavy for me, and well, link that attitude of mine with the responses which I got from Him, His very introduction of Himself into my life, and you will get the drift that He was, always, saying that what I really THINK is fine by Him.
So, do not get your hopes up that some how I am having a crisis of conscience. That will never happen.
I was worried before, that He wanted me to endure this bullshit of a life, that I should somehow conform, and so, with that outlook, I allowed even people to walk all over me.
which brings up another very interesting point.
I made that... car... that I raved about, and vinnie said he would keep the money for me for my rent and start-up for when I had a place of my own. I let that ride. He was not even involved in my getting this place, but lee, because he felt some kind of compassion for me, decided to pay this month's rent and leave the place to me. A stitch in time, you might say. I reminded vinnie of the money owed to me; he pocketed R1,4G and I never even asked for it. When I sent brian, he was told that vinnie had been giving me hand-outs, like I was all day, every day there making pieces, selling stuff, and all that, for charity. Like I needed no wages. When I saw him, he decided to pay me R400. And he calls himself a 'pastor'.I will definitely KILL him. Soon, too!
Then, of course, maybe some fools saw that, and thought my disenchantment with life was because I was broke, and being used. No, I thought that if even God saw fit to just barge into my life and do as He wished, well, in comparison, people had a limited reach.
but now, I KNOW that God does not care about forcing me to conform.
no, so, I will wipe out the earth as I promised, but first, I want to see if I can PAY my own rent, and how zimbabwe performs in the championships. Then I will act.
So, do not fool yourselves that I am on some repentance mission.
I will remain the only being on this planet if it comes to that, but I will NOT back down for anyone, anymore, male, female child, mother father, or whoever.
my stress levels have diminished greatly, now.
I am, of course, worried about the woman, it would be a ... nuisance... to be alone on the planet, but if it comes to that, I am prepared to kill even her if I have to, because NO ONE stands in my way.That is me, RAW!
I know that all of you have been harbouring some secret hopes that I could be changed, that what I said was bothering me was not what is really bothering me, and to some extent you were right. God has far outweighed each and everyone of you and my worries about Him have overshadowed all things. I was worried a lot about what He was up to, but now, I am no longer that concerned. I carried my life like a burden that was too heavy for me, wondering WHY He let me live when I was breaking every one of the commandments even He gave His people, personally, to abide by.
but then, He was giving those commandments to a people that He had borne and brought to Himself, only to have them reject Him, and He was sending them away from Himself, but His 'pride' would not let Him just chuck them away.
same with mwa.
I can not just KILL my mother. NO, I will bring the whole truth right down to her level and force her to look up and deal with it, but I am not so much keen on having her spend eternity in hell. NO. So, I will do as much as I can to make sure that what kills her is not my rage, but the 'knowledge' of the truth. So that she just reverts to dust and does not become eternal cinders.
That, I reserve for MY enemies.
hell, if you have pissed me off, then make sure that you drink lots of fluid in the coming few days, because where I am sending you, you will wish you had no memories at all of water, for the torment that you will be under.
And I mean it, too!
because NOTHING is going to stop me from unleashing all my unlimited power and uncaring rage on all of you insignificant little insects, whether great or small.
I am the LORD!
And every one of you is intruding on MY territory.
I stake MY claim on the earth, this is MY domain, and all of you are on the way... OUT!
Starting right about... now!
Don't like the way I am thinking, well, KILL me!
I dare ANYONE to show up in my path and try to move me.
I have been, for each one of my fears, receiving significant backup from God that at one time made me worry that God was trying to tear me away from the things and people I ... loved. But the truth is, I have been more worried about what God wanted from me than about any of the people that thought they would be the be all and end all of my life, like THEY matter.
think of the weather thing, and the fact that I have demonstrated more than once an undeniable control over THAT, like recalling rain and all that, and I was still worrying over what the catch in all this was. Would God force me to be a 'teacher' to people so that, in the end, they could come back to Him, and do as He wanted from the word go?
because I knew that He could close all the doors to me and leave me with no option but to do so, but to act that way, and have no way out!
because all along I assumed that He would take me to task for not being with the right attitude as far as compliance with people's conventions was concerned.
Then he would start this weird stuff, like, "Government Thor:- Cape Flats", where thor is, of course, the firstborn son of the mythical odin, and thus the heir, and I would wonder if that meant that He meant that I would snap, because I never could control my temper, or whether I would try to be like Him, but then, I have since grasped that He meant that when I showed who the heir REALLY was, then I would leave no one with any grounds to be 'lofty"
Well, guess what, the one that is without remorse is the BOSS of the earth, and I am NOT leaving this place. You all will die instead!
Before me there were many, but after me there will be no more!
well, funny thing is, I am at the library, and I can not 'listen' to music, but I will probably just watch the videos.
Another thing was that He acted all funny and, in the issue of ... women again... after the "September 18;- Independence Day" saga where I assumed that He was again trying to rule my life and show me that I was some possession of His, to add insult to injury, like He came into my life and did as He pleased, now He was taking me away from even having enjoyment, He went so far as to show that I was NOT under Him, by promising that I would, at a certain day, curse Him, publicly, and He would take it. Remember the Sunday October 21... or is it 20?... thing where I finally ... got ... it that He was not taking me away as I feared, but He was showing that I was going to do something that amazed even the people who thought He was there to restrain me, and I, for the first time, publicly cursed Him for leading me on,
I suppose I was all along just afraid, afraid of having Him ... run my life.
yet, all He wanted was just to let me be ... me.
No matter how... wrong that may seem to anyone else.
because, see, I am always right,
Cant argue with God, can you?
I have done nothing so far, not because I am getting to the "I can never harm you" stage, again, but because, I feel... fine.
now, walk a bit with me in my shoes. I grew up with ONE thought, and that has been, from the word go, to KILL my mother, and that thought is of course, WRONG, morally. However, that is what I have been thinking, all along, and when God came, of course, the ... pressure... was rather too pronounced.
Even when I tried to be what was written in the bible, and conform, the burden was just a bit too heavy for me, and well, link that attitude of mine with the responses which I got from Him, His very introduction of Himself into my life, and you will get the drift that He was, always, saying that what I really THINK is fine by Him.
So, do not get your hopes up that some how I am having a crisis of conscience. That will never happen.
I was worried before, that He wanted me to endure this bullshit of a life, that I should somehow conform, and so, with that outlook, I allowed even people to walk all over me.
which brings up another very interesting point.
I made that... car... that I raved about, and vinnie said he would keep the money for me for my rent and start-up for when I had a place of my own. I let that ride. He was not even involved in my getting this place, but lee, because he felt some kind of compassion for me, decided to pay this month's rent and leave the place to me. A stitch in time, you might say. I reminded vinnie of the money owed to me; he pocketed R1,4G and I never even asked for it. When I sent brian, he was told that vinnie had been giving me hand-outs, like I was all day, every day there making pieces, selling stuff, and all that, for charity. Like I needed no wages. When I saw him, he decided to pay me R400. And he calls himself a 'pastor'.I will definitely KILL him. Soon, too!
Then, of course, maybe some fools saw that, and thought my disenchantment with life was because I was broke, and being used. No, I thought that if even God saw fit to just barge into my life and do as He wished, well, in comparison, people had a limited reach.
but now, I KNOW that God does not care about forcing me to conform.
no, so, I will wipe out the earth as I promised, but first, I want to see if I can PAY my own rent, and how zimbabwe performs in the championships. Then I will act.
So, do not fool yourselves that I am on some repentance mission.
I will remain the only being on this planet if it comes to that, but I will NOT back down for anyone, anymore, male, female child, mother father, or whoever.
my stress levels have diminished greatly, now.
I am, of course, worried about the woman, it would be a ... nuisance... to be alone on the planet, but if it comes to that, I am prepared to kill even her if I have to, because NO ONE stands in my way.That is me, RAW!
I know that all of you have been harbouring some secret hopes that I could be changed, that what I said was bothering me was not what is really bothering me, and to some extent you were right. God has far outweighed each and everyone of you and my worries about Him have overshadowed all things. I was worried a lot about what He was up to, but now, I am no longer that concerned. I carried my life like a burden that was too heavy for me, wondering WHY He let me live when I was breaking every one of the commandments even He gave His people, personally, to abide by.
but then, He was giving those commandments to a people that He had borne and brought to Himself, only to have them reject Him, and He was sending them away from Himself, but His 'pride' would not let Him just chuck them away.
same with mwa.
I can not just KILL my mother. NO, I will bring the whole truth right down to her level and force her to look up and deal with it, but I am not so much keen on having her spend eternity in hell. NO. So, I will do as much as I can to make sure that what kills her is not my rage, but the 'knowledge' of the truth. So that she just reverts to dust and does not become eternal cinders.
That, I reserve for MY enemies.
hell, if you have pissed me off, then make sure that you drink lots of fluid in the coming few days, because where I am sending you, you will wish you had no memories at all of water, for the torment that you will be under.
And I mean it, too!
because NOTHING is going to stop me from unleashing all my unlimited power and uncaring rage on all of you insignificant little insects, whether great or small.
I am the LORD!
And every one of you is intruding on MY territory.
I stake MY claim on the earth, this is MY domain, and all of you are on the way... OUT!
Starting right about... now!
Don't like the way I am thinking, well, KILL me!
I dare ANYONE to show up in my path and try to move me.
I have been, for each one of my fears, receiving significant backup from God that at one time made me worry that God was trying to tear me away from the things and people I ... loved. But the truth is, I have been more worried about what God wanted from me than about any of the people that thought they would be the be all and end all of my life, like THEY matter.
think of the weather thing, and the fact that I have demonstrated more than once an undeniable control over THAT, like recalling rain and all that, and I was still worrying over what the catch in all this was. Would God force me to be a 'teacher' to people so that, in the end, they could come back to Him, and do as He wanted from the word go?
because I knew that He could close all the doors to me and leave me with no option but to do so, but to act that way, and have no way out!
because all along I assumed that He would take me to task for not being with the right attitude as far as compliance with people's conventions was concerned.
Then he would start this weird stuff, like, "Government Thor:- Cape Flats", where thor is, of course, the firstborn son of the mythical odin, and thus the heir, and I would wonder if that meant that He meant that I would snap, because I never could control my temper, or whether I would try to be like Him, but then, I have since grasped that He meant that when I showed who the heir REALLY was, then I would leave no one with any grounds to be 'lofty"
Well, guess what, the one that is without remorse is the BOSS of the earth, and I am NOT leaving this place. You all will die instead!
Before me there were many, but after me there will be no more!
Another thing was that He acted all funny and, in the issue of ... women again... after the "September 18;- Independence Day" saga where I assumed that He was again trying to rule my life and show me that I was some possession of His, to add insult to injury, like He came into my life and did as He pleased, now He was taking me away from even having enjoyment, He went so far as to show that I was NOT under Him, by promising that I would, at a certain day, curse Him, publicly, and He would take it. Remember the Sunday October 21... or is it 20?... thing where I finally ... got ... it that He was not taking me away as I feared, but He was showing that I was going to do something that amazed even the people who thought He was there to restrain me, and I, for the first time, publicly cursed Him for leading me on,
I suppose I was all along just afraid, afraid of having Him ... run my life.
yet, all He wanted was just to let me be ... me.
No matter how... wrong that may seem to anyone else.
because, see, I am always right,
Cant argue with God, can you?
