Must be the Weed I Smoked This Morning

Now, I like keeping things real, and simple, and to the point, and so, when I went and lay down, and just started drifting into my thoughts, i started back on the dream i had, the one I spoke about, and, well, I ended up, just now, wondering just what kind of concussion i must have had to go all the way to... THAT... about zimbabweans and stuff, and well, it must have been the weed I smoked just before I went to the site five library, because, the thing had NOTHING to do with zimbabweans. But then, I am always biased against God, for reasons i have stated, and now, I gues I better start from the beginning, because it IS about my mother, I suppose
Ok, I am NOT turning into an alcoholic, and I never buy the stuff, but then, even if I did, who the fuck MUST I answer to? No, um that was before I came back and me and fidelis watched Iron Man... the other one... where he brashly challenges this terrorist and states his address, and then gets his house shot down, and I thought to myself, OK, did I just DO something similar?
nuh, I think. I mean, I did NOT put anyone into harm's way, because I mean, no one gives a fuck, right, and I am not like... married, see?
Nuh, cant be!
Fuck it, because well, maybe it IS, but anyway, I will say something, even though I will NOT come back to kalk bay, anyway, I seem to be finding a gold mine here, and anyway, we nuh backslide... et.c.

Yes, about that dream... .

Ok, so I was standing, watching some far off fence to my  left, and all that, and in front of me were some sheep, and some other creatures, I forget... ah, yes, cattle, and well, I stood there and some kind of... pest like creature, black, small, like gnats, but well, dog sized, started after the sheep, and I stood there, watching, as the creatures ran for the fence, and well, got in, with the pests, with razor sharp... crocodile-like (now that I think of it) teeth (OK, none of my conclusions as yet, because this is where I always get it wrong, I will try to conclude at the conclusion, like a normal person) and they all went into the fence and I watched as one of them went for this huge cow, and got  one of its  hind feet, while my cousin, tariro,  stood and watched and said to the cow, "Sit down and kick it off", but the cow replied in the ndau accent of the blue bottle guy with the bad teeth "ndakanganwa", which may mean I have forgotten or I do not know how anymore, and then, instead of kicking the thing off, he goes on, "Ok, you must be having a feast now", and then proceeded to , you know, like one does when, for example, removing a false leg from a pair of pants, while standing up, shake out from the other leg a perfect cow's hind leg, and handed it to the carnivorous thing, which also proceeded to eat it while i stood there and watched, and then, one of them crocodile like things came out,and i tried to swat it with a stick, but it was like trying to beat a shadow, because the thing walked on with a defiant air and mannerism that only ONE person i know has, and that is my mother, whose totem is... crocodile... and well, who gave me the name tungamirai, shortened tunga, like a cow's goring action, and so, I seem to draw the conclusion that I was, by turning my back on someone, refusing to deal with the issue that she thinks is the root cause of my... unhappiness... that maybe I would let my mother get the upper hand and well, seem to justify the fact that she thinks me useless, because i would never have the upper hand, and would have no way to call myself a man in that case.
which is probably why she would have prefered to have me deal with my issue and prove a point to her that i can make it, and turn the tables.
probably that is what she ... thought.
My thought is this, i do not have anything to prove to anyone,and well, my mother remains MY mother, and anyone overlooking ME to think that the problem with ME is my mother is fuckinmg insane, and insulting. No wonder the silly woman NEVER listens to me, all she sees is some poor mistreated kid, and not the THIRTY-ONE year old ruler of the universe. With the first and last word on everything. How much more insulting can anyone get?

I was NOT drunk or such to get to the point where I state that not even God has ANY say over what I do. That even when I blame Him He always says that the fault lies with me, with my judicious, God-given, use of MY powers to dominate, because whenever I decide on something, it is because I am in total control, and nothing can really gainsay that, so, having some silly fool hope that if i stay away from my mother and stay away from  the things that make me regress, I can be a better  person and start life afresh.
I seem to be like a TV that is on mute with no sound to be heard, or some thing like that.
i am fucking tired of defending myself. 
ok, so I do love her, I mean, really, but it is so annoying to be treated like a baby, like i have been all my life. What the fuck is the point of living with someone who assumes you do not know what you want and always tones down everything you say because all she sees are the pawprints of you mother all over you, and she acts in the excat same way that the mother acted, because she also, like your mother, has her own agenda that she foists on you that has nothing to do with treating you as a human being capable of rational -OK that may be ... subjectively-questionable ... in my case, but you get my drift- She acts so high-and-mighty and is probably like them people in the song that goes 
can somebody explain to me/what a body is trying to be/living like a celebrity/ doing what they see on MTV/... /you aint got to go nowhere

Well, dream on and remain in the dust, silly fool, with your crumbling dreams in shatters, fuck it