Me;- You Unmitigated, Stupid and Uncaring Fool, You get me into these scrapes ALL the time, and now I am having to lick wounds that I would not even have had to have if You had not taken it into Your jealous Head [I must say that I ... think... everything to do with God has to have capital letters, because well, He is God, and I am NOT, as you may assume talking about a being I think is God, I KNOW that the person I can not help insulting at anything that goes wrong in my life IS El- Elyon, The Most High, The Great God of the Universe, as I will show in a mo', and I could NOT care less] Why the fuck does it bother You so much that I am alive, that You MUST make me endure all this bullshit, and still DO nothing about it!
fuck it, it is beginning to sound like I am ... STUCK... in place here, You SOD!
God:- "Let"
Me;- "Let?, "let?", LET?!. Fuck You, YOU think that... OK, then Asshole, from now on, I , fuck it I will NOT ask You for power over everything, DEMAND power over everything, because I am fucking sick and tired of all this bullshit. I get barked at by dogs, that MUST stop. I want, and I will HAVE complete, unabridged, unconditional, power over every living thing, whether on this planet or under it, whether it is WITH you or wherever, as long as its attention is towards THIS planet, I want it UNDER me. I am sick of all this rubbish. I will not have ANYTHING rule over me anymore, no way, NOTHING will have the means to do anything to me, but I will do as I please to it. And, of course, I want to have complete authority over the earth, the sky, the weather, not this erratic thing, but full control.
of course, thing is, He said, at the beginning, "Let Us make man out of Our own Image and In Our likeness, and LET them have dominion... ", and well, He made the man, the man decided to become an animal, a father, and all that, and so he never actually worked at it so that he could HAVE dominion over the earth, and as a result, God ... cursed... the earth for the man's sake, because, as usual he listened to the voice of a woman.
I have said the same thing over and over again, but I suppose people do not get it. I will NEVER have a decision of mine dictated to by a mere person, male or female. I have decided that people will die, and well, they will die. NO one intercedes, because NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!. EVER!
After thinking about it for a while, though, I was like, "FUCK that!, You will NOT make me start taking things to myself like I actually care enough to want to have all these trappings of power, I KNOW what You are trying to make me do, so hell..."
God:- ( pregnant silence)
Me:- (I was suddenly aware of what king of game I have been playing all along, and well, thought Him too stupid to catch on. But He is GOOOD, and what is more, He was always way ahead of me, and I am thinking that this life that He has given me is because He could not resist it. I mean, for the first time I understand that God loves me. he loved me so much He decided NOT to hide it and staked His claim on the One person in existence that saw life and how it was being lived and decided to take the first exit, and well, NOW I understand what He meant when He, that time, reminded me of that song;-
"I hear your hollow laughter
your size of secret pain
pretending and inventing
just to hide the shame
plastic smiles and faces
blinking back the tears
empty friends and places
all magnify your fears
if you are tired and weary
weak and heavy laden
I can understand how
it feels to be alone
I can take your burden
if you'll LET Me love you
I will take your burden
and give your heart a home
take My yoke upon you..."
I was always like, Ok, so, God decided to waltz into my life, and all that, now, all I need from Him is ONE mistake, just ONE, and I will call it quits and say to Him, "You say that You watch over Your word to perform it, now, here, I have discovered an error. You suck, so fuck it, let me be, and let me die, You are too little for me to even bother about, Asshole!"
So, last night was also about me going, "aha, God, this chick of yours, she may be a virgin -well, she better be, not because I will kill her if she is not, but because if she is NOT, then God slipped up, and if He slipped up, He has no right to say that I must have fifteen years of life, to do what? fuck it, I will not just 'make do with what I have", hell, I will NOT abide a single mistake, NO. He said it, He fulfils it! Oh he is a fraud, and not as great as He says He is- but she fucking well will NOT listen to me, and thinks I am this little fool. I tell her what I do not like, but she does not listen to me, and I assume it is because I am staying on the mountain, and so she judges me by my appearance. Now I am staying in a house, and I still do not like her working there, and I still WILL kill those assholes like mike and all that, and she STILL treats me like a fool, so, its YOUR fault, because I am OUT of things to say or do. I have said all I can, and now, admit it, You have failed in YOUR ... plans. You lose, so, let me go, and let me die."
And my fucking memory had to remind me of the vision which ends, "why did you not say that you were my firstborn?", and so, I rewind, and realise that I gave the impression that I was a person that fears God and lets Him dictate terms to me in my next-to-last post, or that I am trying to, you know, make as if I have something to lose, and all that. Hell, no, I have my focus firmly ON God, and whether He slips up. if and when He does, I will be rid of Him. And that is never going to change. I mean, He said something that has been making me struggle to keep from laughing aloud at times, "let the waters under heaven be gathered together in ONE place, and let dry land appear"> meaning that nowhere else except in heaven, where His Home is, where even jesus is, can there be found water, not on any of these planets.
I, well, I intend to find that out, of course. Imean, THAT is next on the agenda.
for now, though I have to pay my rent, and that means I am coming to kalk bay, to sit on those guys till they give me my money. What an interesting time I will have there, with fools who think I am so much a simpleton, and doomed people, and all that. My, I can not wait!
