Right,I came from the library, went and sat at thestall and was busy with one thing or the other, and them fools started crawling out from every dungheap imaginable, with an undeniable scent of ... appeal... for their lives, to them. Earlier, I had seen the little ma walking her dogs as I came down the mountain, and later she was with her daughter, behind us as wewent swimming, and the daughter was exhibiting herself with that grating voice of hers as she talked at the pool. Kinda voice to awaken the warrior in me. I mean, fuck, my senses are sohighly attuned to the nuances of voices that any note in it strikes me unpleasantly if the voice is harsh, or the manner brash, and I tend to want to react by throttling the person. It brings back memories, and I can not FORGET, so how the fuck does one expect me to be at ease if, one time, she comes on me unawares, and speaks when I am lost in thought, and I lash out, because I do not even want to live anyway, but must, with what I am loaded with, in my head? And anyway, last time the smart chick, when I started focusing on THIS woman exclusively, made it a point to show me what I was "missing out on" by walking up and down with skme guys' arms around her. And I am supposed to overlook THAT bcause now she is desperate, wants to save her life, and also treats me like a gullible fool that will, like a bull sniff
at any female in heat and start drooling and expose its pink ...thing.. like something has taken over its senses? What does this stupid duo take me for, really. They are DEAD. Period. As i sat down after my scathing post, out comes butthead ii, and the quiet mike-like character who had walked in front of me as we walked to the pool and later disappeared into some shop, and THIS time the guy was cracking jokes and very relieved looking. Yeah? Do not make me change my mind. I do not like you. I let you live because you knew to ...stay... out of my way. We are NOT friends, and so, do me a favour and STAY out of my way. As for butthead ii and, well, everyone else that came my way today hoping for leniency or whatever bullshit you think you would get from me; let me see:- 1) you KNEW how I hated seeing anyone with that girl, and you did it anyway. And thought I would ... agree... later that because some of you covered yourselves and showed there was "nothing" between you, I would overlook the sly, sneaky, superior over-the-shoulder looks you gave me because you were going " neh neh neh neh neh, I'm with the girl, and you'll never have her!" and, of course, I was supposed to be forgiving that you did THAT? Fuck you, you all i have seen with the girl, all you who have aided and abetted in her showing me up, are DEAD. NO exceptions. This is no longer about whether or not I will take into consideration that there was nothing between you all. This is about you KNOWING what pissed me off, and doing it anyway. Even if you did not, now you do, and THAT means you are dead.The girl?, well I take her attitude to me as something else.2) I am not interested in anyone's particular history, nor am I looking to be part of anyone's family. I can never please anyone, nor tolerate anyone whose motive is to look down on me and think me so... insignificant... that I need her to employ messengers to get me to see things her way. I am greater than anything you will ever see, so never make the mistake that, even if you did not know it then, you would be excused belittling me by assuming I was just like you. You pay the same penalty as those who knew. So, you die. Because I am GREAT. Yeah-sss. So, woman, your entire congregation... dies. Except for the short and dumpy one, whom I liked, for obvious, carnal, reasons...and also kenneth, though HIS motives are unclear. But I suppose that I could lay it on vinnie, and say for his sake, maybe. But it is NOT in me to... destroy... him, and I go with my gut here. He was, after all, never seen, by me, with her, and never, for that reason, was he actually rude to me, except at the beginning. Ok, then, that is thin ice. Lets put it down to humour, then. Or me having a full stomach at present, @10pm. Or me just not caring. Now, I need to... specify... what I mean by "congregation";everyone I saw you with, that you used to hide behind, or belittle me with. Which means I am NOT actually going to pay back the gallery woman for her interference, because her contempt of my ... prerogative... was rather respectful, and she DID learn that if I say get the fuck outta my way, I mean just THAT. so, there is hope for her, yet. However, that is not where God comes in. I saw red-breaches come and park near me, when i sat under tony's pizza oven, and walk all tragicaly past-same woman who just days ago was laughing uproariously with a fag in her hand as i walked past the joyous foursome. And I could not stand it, this charade, anymore. I was dead set on one thing, total annihilation of the entire crew. Every blasted one of them. So I went to the container, changed, and was soon on my way to the station. Got on the train, got lost in thought, hands in pockets, till I discovered that in my pocket were vinnie's keys. So, I came back. And knew God was obstructing me, again. Why the fuck? I went to bible study, where we opened on Psalm51 and, well, it was rather like me listening to words i would love to hear from someone, her telling me she had wronged me and me overlooking it because my dignity and face were restored in the face of the... audience, but, I have grown to know how silly the woman is, and i was ready to say to HIM He was wasting my time. Because she sees love as weakness and something to exploit, my words as nonsense, and worthless till she gets me where she wants me to be, and of, course who the fuck cares if your silly pride us trampled on? You are just a ...tramp... anyway. So, I pushed that away. Then we were rehashing exodus 17 verse 8 to its end, where joshua fought the amalekites. Because we had looked at that on Sunday. And what struck me was how hur and aaron figured that as soon as moses grew weary of lifting the rod, on his own, the tide of the battle turned. And in my case, I am... waiting... always for the silly woman to give me my ...due... and it is making me very...unhappy that my course of action whenever the woman belittles me is, like today, thwarted by God... once again, and she takes that as a sign that God is for her! Fuck, I am culling all the people she despised me over, and they will DIE. Even her child. And at the end if the day i will still MAKE her give in to me, even if I have to break her. Because my REAL nature is
never we back down never we stall/ man stand firm like the Great China wall it is never over till I prevail. I mean, wtf can withstand ME?
