I find myself again ... stunned, because it took a ... while... for what happened a few moments, or maybe an hour and half ago, to... sink in. And yet, after all that, I have grasped that I actually DO have a particular person I could not do... without, although she IS indeed a silly... woman. NOW, to put things into perspective, I came from the fish hoek internet cafe, and sat at the telcom box, got to work, and literally ignored evryone. Because I was a bit in ... limbo. I was sitting with... no ... skin, among people, and, true to His nature, as always, God provided an.. outlet..., because I got to listen to music on eddie's phone (as to why I have no personal phone, I must say that I am sort of on the receiving end of life here, and prefer to have things happen TO me than for me to actively seek things out...and a phone would leave me in a rut, like having a personal copy of the bible, I tend to know what is on a page and ignore more... relevant things. So, no attachments for me;if something does happen, its easier to... blame God) and the song was one by Lukie D, with the easy to singalong lyrics that had me groaning to God as to why I was... stuck here:- "You tell me I'm free/ but how can it be/ coz I can not see it oh no/ You tell me I'm free but I don't agree/ for how can it be? ... Took me from my home/ to a land where I don't belong/ Taught me no'rights' only wrongs / In a different school..." . It goes on to say that I would liketo go... home, my own home. I was rather relieved that I could... SAY ... that to Him, since basically things happen TO me, and everyone just walks all over me, as they please. And I get no... say... to that.... What a life, right? So, I was glad to be... allowef to...think... that, at least. Because the gallery woman had parked her car right by the beginning of the alley, to.. pull me...to my senses, or something like that. Because when this kindly lady brought us food, she was ready for the now-you-are-thinking-about-the apple-chick-again...episode, but for once MY inner groaning was all I heard, and I tuned her, mike, butthead ii, et.c. out, as I called out to God" When will I at least have MY own place, and get relative peace, for a while?" Later, I went to vinnie's house, came back rather happier, or less distressed because eddie had, while being pissed off at my continual repetition of one song, in my cough wrecked voice, sung just a snatch of a song, "Nguva dzose Makatendeka" "You are faithful every time". So, I came, and eventually sat down by vinnie, ignoring the ka. And not caring who I would have to go through to start getting MY way, because, of course, those I said die, DIE, since I care nothing for these. Or, for that matter, for anyone much. Unless I have cause to. I told vinnie pretty much what was bothering me, and my graphic illustrations must have been monitored by camera, because I was dejectedly showing my friend the scars that showed that I had TRIED to die, and failed, and that He HAD promised me, before I ran away from my almost physical assault on my mother, a place prepared by the president of turkey. And that I was sooo tired that I NOW more thah anything, wanted to... leave. And just be gone. Then vinnie left to escort his wife to work, and tony drove up- the son of a bitch- and saw me sitting down by the ... money... tree, and told abisha to tell me to move off. Vinnie was not there, and while I was not going to... fight... the guy...the pushover has absolutely NO chance because I weighed him up long ago, and I would LOVE to systematically dismember him;- as I said, I take what I am... spared, and if he had been a bit less full of bullshit, I would have loved to tear him to pieces, but then, he is just... wind...bombast and no action. So, all I wanted was to ask hij, in as offensive a way as possible WHY the fuck I should move, but he hid in the bakery, sent some xhosa guy to see whether I was gone, then both walked out to the Blue Bottle, with xhosa guy passing on, while brave tony put his tail in his vagina, and then decided to make a beehive for his restaurant, closing the door behind him. And I was stunned THEN to see the... apple chick.. walk out, in her hideous black, with the dumpy chick on the other side of the road, and she had a... mug.. in her hand as she walked right past me, and then crossed the... road. Talk about panic response there? Woman assumed that when I said ... cup of coffee... I meant literal coffee, which, anyway, she did NOT bring to ME. This is no riddle... what is... sweet to me, the Lord of the EARTH, The God of War, the One you have belittled, and... bitter ... to you? Even a child could say that without thinking. And we ...well, I may ..deal...but NOT about the guys you pissed me off with. Or MY women. Glad to see your friend seems... interested, as well. My revenge WOULD be very sweet then, yeah-sss!!
