So, here I am, and growing mad, literally, and getting all sorts of backlash from every angle, guilt-trips and what have you, withdrawing into myself, and trying to find the core of this thing. Reminds me of a cartoon "Cro" and an episode where these guys were having their boat eaten from the... stern? Thats the behind, right, and they were scrambling to get over each other to get onto the relatively safe part of the front remains, while ravenous piranha circled the ocean, eating bits of boat. On the shore, nose embedded in a mammoth tome was a.... mammoth. And his friends on the rapidly diminishing boat were yelling at him to turn the pages faster so he could find, under "What to Do In Case Of Piranha Attack While In The Ocean" what to do, and inform them so they could do it, and survive, and he goes, I suppose " pinktail, pinkadoo, peekaboo... oh, yes, Piranha. Ah yes, all you have to do is.... NOTHING!! " Even the piranha stare at him, dumbfounded. And so he explains, "Piranha are FRESH water fish" at which they conveniently fall back, and die. SOOOOOOOOOOO!!! My point I suppose, is that while ... exterminating... expunging, asphyxiating, incinerating- gotta SEE that- and generally terminating people's lives may seem unfair, well, uh, thing is, from the word go, this has been about God looking at ME to tell ME that I get to decide who, what, and when as I see fit. No fairness about it. I get the impression, from her uppity behaviour, that the contemporary art chick thinks God is on her side. Well, if that was the case then we would be sitting in different chairs, her as me and me as her, and since she would have the option of... dying, then I would happily trade places, but I have slowly realised that the REASON why God has been intervening is to remove my prefered short-circuit method as far as difficulties are concerned;- DESTROY them. Because there are more painful... eh... mentally torturing ways to DEAL with the puffed up people, remove from them every little bit of 'right' and leave them stripped of all vanity, and then hold a mirror to their faces so they see the TRUTH as it is, and stand by as they lose all that lustre, beauty,and reality sinks in. And this is someone I love, unrelentingly, and, so far, hopelessly. Which is why I would prefer to just kill her, because i would rather be somewhere else than when I see her brought down to dust. I would rather die than humble someone, but unfortunately that option is... did I say unfortunately.... unfortunately not available. Fuck, woman, do we NEED to do this? What shall it take to make you see that NO ONE ever wins again me? No one. How many times have I been harrased and in dangerous situations, and where are my enemies now? Do you think that if I stretch my hand and strike out, anything can survive? Must this war carry on? Fuck, look at my history? Who have i allowed the liberties I let you get away with? Is that because I am stupid, or somewhere, even in your stubborn mind, does the truth not sink in that you are actually trading on the most dangerous waters you ever will face? Do you think any amount of money will count for much in the following days? WHY do you think I am still alive and unmolested when I have broken every tenet of decency that is known to people? Things even God Himself never allows. So, will you keep this up, or will you give in? Heck, I did not apply for this, to be what I ... am, nor did I hunt you down. You walked into my life, and there is only one of two ways that you will carry on: i) either to hell because what has been started, this unstoppable thing, may catch up on you before you make up your mind, because I will NEVER kill you, or ii) you give in, wipe your feet of the dirt that clings to you, and make yourself acceptable to me. Ah, as for your ... friends, associates and -hopefully, relation umm, hopefully because i HOPE it is just your sister only, since I would hatr to kill more people than I have to, except only those that aroused my anger- weeeelll, they are DEAD, those i named, of course, since, from my point of view, nothing and no one that I can not turn my back on comfortably will live, and your ... four "friends" are not IT. Now, to quote God in Ezekiel, Why will you die? I take no pleasure in your death. Live. And stop fighting me. Hell, no one can fight me and live, or prevail. Think about it that even God, the Awesome One has reached an impasse with me. If God, The Almighty, can not beat ne down, and His strength is Unlimited, does it not strike you that maybe my basic DNA has some ... adamantium .... in it. Who then are you, a mere person who can not.... Ok, I wont go there, but do you get the drift? Please, lets stop this. You won, anyway. I have never cared for anyone as I do you! Is that not kudos enough. Anyone can read what amounts to ne bleating my heart out about you, and you do not still get it! Stop, please, because a continued war is something both of us will regret. HELL, GIRL, YOU HAVE WON. QUIT WHILE YOU ARE AHEAD.PLEASE.
