I find things rather distressing at the moment, because I WANT to do things but I can not, and I would happily wipe out a whole bunch of people without a second thought, but again, I was ...stopped... from just damning everyone in that crew by... arguably... the ONE person that makes me think that, even if I wanted to ... look for other women, in the future, I would not, and all my plans just went down the drain, like that! I am not sure to be pleased or pissed off, at the moment!Ok, assholes, before you get all smug and all that bullshit, I AM still set on removing from the face of the earth those I have wanted removed, like jews and all other races and basically leaving the... europeans and also totally wiping out these obnoxious south africans except for the few i choose to let live, but for once I am taking it seriously that i can not mix bloodletting with lust;- I have to be done with the woman thing and then start killing people and leaving people that do not defy me when i do finally leave.
SO, when this morning i was coming down the mountain, and I bumped into vinnie as he came from swimming at the tidal pool, I knew that my desire for bloodletting would not be fulfilled, and i deflated even before I got to the container.
And was disagreeably surprised to see the half-jewish girl michaela come and park her car directly across from us -me and vinnie- as we sorted the stuff. She greeted us, I ignored her, and she walked into the modern gallery, as i expected.
I went into the container, but by the time I came back, she had removed her car from where it was parked, and i was not so... angry.
now, MY thing with the jews is this;- I care nothing for the fact that they were oppressed, BUT because they ARE God's people, and me and God have no REAL basis for 'friendship' because I can not get over the fact that He did what He did without so much as my consent, making me what I am NOW, so, of course, I MUST remove forever the ... suggestion... that I am here to do His bidding. So every jew dies.
I guess my RAGE is directly related to the fact that I did not die, can not die, and regardless of what I do, how hard I bash even my bones against the hardest structures, all i got is superficial damage, and it is so painful to be so... different. I hate it.
then, of course, as for black people and all the other peoples all over the world, I will destroy everywhere else simply because I would hate to have many people see the back of me, and i will totally wipe out the whole continet of africa, because these people all think of today and fuck, money, christ and babies. And to imitate the white people. I will destroy the english, because of my ego, the dutch, because of oppression, the germans, because of hitler and world domination, and the greeks because their language is used in mathematics, and before I leave, i would have had to explain all these things to people, brow beat them into seeing things as they really are, or i will totally wipe out the whole planet, and as for the americans, well, the GREATEST to ever walk the planet needs to be in the greatest nation in the world, with access to stuff that will save me years of research. As i said, i have something to say to my mother, and to the rest of the world, by default, and so those that remain to the end, will do so because they have bitten into the bitter pill and acknowledged not only my right to do as i please, but rather how right I am to see what I see as THEIR wrongdoing, yesssss!
or i totally wipe out the whole planet and save nothing.
but I can not do that, because I have the strongest incentive NOT to, and that is venie juliase, the guy I call 'vinnie', about the ONLY person I can call my friend, and fo whose sake I find myself unable to ... KILL... assholes like tony- yet!
I will also remove the jamaicans and all other inhabitants of or near to, the american continent, and so, I suppose, I am NOT going to go looking for women in germany or even canada, I am going straight to the USA.
But how did we get here?
Ok, so,after we had sat a while, and vinnie had decided that no one was to give tony offence by sitting haphazardly at the stall- which is something I defied him in later- vinnie's wife came and she had him go back with her to the house, and I assumed that they would be going together to the festival, and so, I supposed I could 'accidentally' have a tiff with someone. Luckily, maybe one of the few people i ... like... from a distance, kenneth -though I wonder if he is straight or really IS gay, not that it matters much to mem I am NOT that interested - did not show up, and even when I DID see him, it was from a distance, and I was happy he was not victim to my... anger, but anyway, that was never given a chance to come out because vinnie came back, and it was while he and abisha and his wife and i were all huddled together that I was MOST severely... tested.
the imp came by, and snapped at abisha, "the baskets" as he marched straight past me. I was left dazed, wondering if them fools were STILL not getting it, but them i thought that, like the... clever... people they think they are, they probably read that I had stated i would probably have acted differently if the contemporary art chick had showed her face. NO. as far as they are concerned, the day they entangled with me, they were DEAD and NOTHING would change that. It would have been painful to lose the chick as well, but that is something I was- and am-prepared to riskm if she decided to take their side, since, technically, it IS her fault anyway, and their deaths are directly as a result of her NOT taking my ... demands ... seriously. I mean, fuck, i do not ge to talk to her, and she passes me by laughing with some guy while I end up frustrated, and so, what the fuck does she expect from me? I mean, amd I THAT difficult to read?
anyway, it was not the imp only who showed up, but as I came from the conference with vinnie and his family, I found that the porsche 911 carrera gt belonging to one asshole I would happily strangle to death was just where i had been sitting. That made me almost lose it, and all my patience was strained to the limit. I walked away, after a while, and followed abisha who was running away from this chick up to the place where kenneth, in the early days, had had us sent away from, right about the time I must have been coming into his radar, and was dismissable as frivolous. Funny how life turns out, right?
Then, later on, of course, I was really stressed up, and funny enough, I went looking for obert, and found him just ouside the olympia bakery front entrance. I was deciding that all of the people in the modern gallery, even the contemporary art chickm would die, and she, as i walked back, opened the door, and I turned and searched her face, to see if she was mocking me, because i have found that she has a special way of making me feel VERY vulnerable. I stopped, I think, and looked at her. Then walked on. Turned, she was right behind me. And she walked into the olympia bakery. I was rather uncertain what the deal was.
So, I stood, and waited, by the back gate of the outspan restaurant, surprising myself by how much it mattered what she thought of me, till she came out, with two cups of coffee-now WHOSE is the second?
Does she have a child. And what the fuck is that bulge in her midriff, like she is pregnant or something?
fuck, wish life was simpler.
which is why, on second thoughts, I... think... I am going to accept the offer I was made for a house by a fellow zimbabwean lady as i walked past the kalk bay cafe, and it is quite cheap, she says, only R350. i can not handle this stress anymore, and so, i will talk to vinnie about it, and maybe get myself a place. I ... suppose... that once i get it, i can quietly explode, and then destroy everything in my path and get the twenty women.
THIS one woman, she really, REALLY worries me. I am not sure what to make of her.
SO, when this morning i was coming down the mountain, and I bumped into vinnie as he came from swimming at the tidal pool, I knew that my desire for bloodletting would not be fulfilled, and i deflated even before I got to the container.
And was disagreeably surprised to see the half-jewish girl michaela come and park her car directly across from us -me and vinnie- as we sorted the stuff. She greeted us, I ignored her, and she walked into the modern gallery, as i expected.
I went into the container, but by the time I came back, she had removed her car from where it was parked, and i was not so... angry.
now, MY thing with the jews is this;- I care nothing for the fact that they were oppressed, BUT because they ARE God's people, and me and God have no REAL basis for 'friendship' because I can not get over the fact that He did what He did without so much as my consent, making me what I am NOW, so, of course, I MUST remove forever the ... suggestion... that I am here to do His bidding. So every jew dies.
then, of course, as for black people and all the other peoples all over the world, I will destroy everywhere else simply because I would hate to have many people see the back of me, and i will totally wipe out the whole continet of africa, because these people all think of today and fuck, money, christ and babies. And to imitate the white people. I will destroy the english, because of my ego, the dutch, because of oppression, the germans, because of hitler and world domination, and the greeks because their language is used in mathematics, and before I leave, i would have had to explain all these things to people, brow beat them into seeing things as they really are, or i will totally wipe out the whole planet, and as for the americans, well, the GREATEST to ever walk the planet needs to be in the greatest nation in the world, with access to stuff that will save me years of research. As i said, i have something to say to my mother, and to the rest of the world, by default, and so those that remain to the end, will do so because they have bitten into the bitter pill and acknowledged not only my right to do as i please, but rather how right I am to see what I see as THEIR wrongdoing, yesssss!
or i totally wipe out the whole planet and save nothing.
but I can not do that, because I have the strongest incentive NOT to, and that is venie juliase, the guy I call 'vinnie', about the ONLY person I can call my friend, and fo whose sake I find myself unable to ... KILL... assholes like tony- yet!
I will also remove the jamaicans and all other inhabitants of or near to, the american continent, and so, I suppose, I am NOT going to go looking for women in germany or even canada, I am going straight to the USA.
But how did we get here?
Ok, so,after we had sat a while, and vinnie had decided that no one was to give tony offence by sitting haphazardly at the stall- which is something I defied him in later- vinnie's wife came and she had him go back with her to the house, and I assumed that they would be going together to the festival, and so, I supposed I could 'accidentally' have a tiff with someone. Luckily, maybe one of the few people i ... like... from a distance, kenneth -though I wonder if he is straight or really IS gay, not that it matters much to mem I am NOT that interested - did not show up, and even when I DID see him, it was from a distance, and I was happy he was not victim to my... anger, but anyway, that was never given a chance to come out because vinnie came back, and it was while he and abisha and his wife and i were all huddled together that I was MOST severely... tested.
the imp came by, and snapped at abisha, "the baskets" as he marched straight past me. I was left dazed, wondering if them fools were STILL not getting it, but them i thought that, like the... clever... people they think they are, they probably read that I had stated i would probably have acted differently if the contemporary art chick had showed her face. NO. as far as they are concerned, the day they entangled with me, they were DEAD and NOTHING would change that. It would have been painful to lose the chick as well, but that is something I was- and am-prepared to riskm if she decided to take their side, since, technically, it IS her fault anyway, and their deaths are directly as a result of her NOT taking my ... demands ... seriously. I mean, fuck, i do not ge to talk to her, and she passes me by laughing with some guy while I end up frustrated, and so, what the fuck does she expect from me? I mean, amd I THAT difficult to read?
anyway, it was not the imp only who showed up, but as I came from the conference with vinnie and his family, I found that the porsche 911 carrera gt belonging to one asshole I would happily strangle to death was just where i had been sitting. That made me almost lose it, and all my patience was strained to the limit. I walked away, after a while, and followed abisha who was running away from this chick up to the place where kenneth, in the early days, had had us sent away from, right about the time I must have been coming into his radar, and was dismissable as frivolous. Funny how life turns out, right?
Then, later on, of course, I was really stressed up, and funny enough, I went looking for obert, and found him just ouside the olympia bakery front entrance. I was deciding that all of the people in the modern gallery, even the contemporary art chickm would die, and she, as i walked back, opened the door, and I turned and searched her face, to see if she was mocking me, because i have found that she has a special way of making me feel VERY vulnerable. I stopped, I think, and looked at her. Then walked on. Turned, she was right behind me. And she walked into the olympia bakery. I was rather uncertain what the deal was.
So, I stood, and waited, by the back gate of the outspan restaurant, surprising myself by how much it mattered what she thought of me, till she came out, with two cups of coffee-now WHOSE is the second?
Does she have a child. And what the fuck is that bulge in her midriff, like she is pregnant or something?
fuck, wish life was simpler.
which is why, on second thoughts, I... think... I am going to accept the offer I was made for a house by a fellow zimbabwean lady as i walked past the kalk bay cafe, and it is quite cheap, she says, only R350. i can not handle this stress anymore, and so, i will talk to vinnie about it, and maybe get myself a place. I ... suppose... that once i get it, i can quietly explode, and then destroy everything in my path and get the twenty women.
THIS one woman, she really, REALLY worries me. I am not sure what to make of her.
