Last night, I wanted to start preparing for the week and make stuff so that I could support myself and have something to live on, but I have become ... drained. I asked myself why I was even bothering, and now, I can not find even the glimmer of an answer, and I came to the conclusion that no purpose will ever be served by me trying to keep on fitting in.
God wants me alive and He can not understand the fact that I have nothing I actually want in life, and the one person that could have made me ... bother... well, I have a pain here in my heart that keeps me aware of the folly of trying to ... trust... people.
So, I quit.
the only person I have to be true to is myself, or rather this hybridised ... thing I have become, a bastardised creature that is salvaged from God parts as well as the hurt from people. An undead thing, immortal because God will NOT let go the ONLY being that knows Him, sees Him as He is, and hates Him, and the reject from people who ALL think that I must be changed, that no person could really, really, just want to die, when there is so much life has to offer. Give me one thing that life has to offer that I could appreciate?
I thought I had found one, but then, appearances can be deceiving.
I hate God. I hate life, and I love that woman, but I am stuck with what I hate.
So, now, I just have to do what I hate.
I quit this charade.
The lion is coming out.
guns blazing.
Watch out for your lives.
God wants me alive and He can not understand the fact that I have nothing I actually want in life, and the one person that could have made me ... bother... well, I have a pain here in my heart that keeps me aware of the folly of trying to ... trust... people.
So, I quit.
the only person I have to be true to is myself, or rather this hybridised ... thing I have become, a bastardised creature that is salvaged from God parts as well as the hurt from people. An undead thing, immortal because God will NOT let go the ONLY being that knows Him, sees Him as He is, and hates Him, and the reject from people who ALL think that I must be changed, that no person could really, really, just want to die, when there is so much life has to offer. Give me one thing that life has to offer that I could appreciate?
I thought I had found one, but then, appearances can be deceiving.
I hate God. I hate life, and I love that woman, but I am stuck with what I hate.
So, now, I just have to do what I hate.
I quit this charade.
The lion is coming out.
guns blazing.
