Today, in my life, could probably rate as the worst day I have ever lived through, and you know, that funny thing is that, when I turn and look back at God and say, "You Asshole", again, He is there to point out that THAT is what He meant, and it is my fault that I assumed... different.
How I ... hate... Him!
Anyway, I walked to kalk bay, and for the first time ever, there were no warning bells, and I was looking for them. Then, just past the clovelly junction, that cunt of a rasta drove past on a scooter, and I knew that the signal was being passed, and well, funny thing was God went "peace, be still", and of course, I was not peaceful.
Everytime God says that, then things are about to go bad, and He acts all possessive so that I do not spiral down the self-destruct road like I am prone to everytime life gets hiccups.
But for some reason, I just walked on, and there was the ... love... of my life, in some guy's arms, and they were smooching there and all over each other, and Vinnie was telling me to cool it, to not be hasty, and I wanted to tear and rend everything and everyone, and hell, this was the hardest thing I have ever done. So, I walked up to the couple, God forgotten, and all that He meant to be, and I said to the love-birds, "excuse me" Guy looked up, wisely remained silent, and then I said to the chick, "thank you for making everything clear", and I went and got coffee, and Vinnie followed me, and said something that had me realise what god had really meant but which I brushed aside, that it was not mike that was 'eating' the fruit of the chick, it was ... this guy... and hell, that is white people are all like, and I KNEW that that was not true.
This was the guy she was seeing, and to whom she was not giving her legs, and this was the guy who was ... you know... harrying the chick and telling her to let this fool go, why was she holding on to him, not mike, and this is the guy that I am going to kill, for the obvious reason;- as well as Kenneth, for his part today in that, and red breeches, for ignoring my warnings to stay the fuck out of my way, and the smart chick and her mother, for looking me in the eye in my grief.And I am going to kill the woman I love, for not just being honest about everything, and hell, if she was afraid that I am NOT the kind of man she was looking for, she should at least have had the decency to just tell me that she was not so sure she could be with me. I would have respected such respect, but as things are, I HATE being despised. I hate this life, and I hate being told what an idiot I am after I take pains to explain things as they are.
I am going to start killing people, and I will make them suffer, for their presumption, and when I say make them suffer, I mean a WHOLE lot of suffering
I shaved off my hair, at mike's girlfriend's place, and I was sort of apologising to her for my earlier behaviour, and I let her know that I was set to leave, that this was my last week in kalk bay, and I was inwardly laughing at myself for thinking that the one thing that is obvious to me, that if I can NOT die, then I can NOT really fall ... sick... unless I am TRYING to die, was the reason why this woman would not ... commit... to me, afraid as she was that she would be ... infected.
Fuck, God may be many things, but He does not do things like that.
So, for presuming, woman, and for what you have done, then you get to die, and all because you can not see the obvious that is before you, that I am not only indestructible, but also I am... INDESTRUCTIBLE.
there is NOTHING physically ... wrong... with me.
that is what my... helper... is for.
And I will NEVER, ever be the child you nurse to bring back people to God.
No, I am , how shall I say it, playing THIS game according to my tune, and well, everyone will dance to it. I am not after God's heart. I hate Him.
but I will NOT kill anyone that does not ... hurt... me.
I am not and have never been, able to handle personal pain. So, I will deal with THIS pain to the fullest, and I mean to make it ghastly, and as garish and as bloody as possible.
See the face of the most terrifying being to walk this planet,a nd know WHY you will die, all who die.
I am me, a creature that sees as he sees, and I do not have to believe in God, to have respect for Him, to behave in a certain manner in order to succeed. No, I just have to know how to connect the dots and hell, boys and girls, I am good at that, and I can connect the dots better than anyone. The KING is here!
How I ... hate... Him!
Anyway, I walked to kalk bay, and for the first time ever, there were no warning bells, and I was looking for them. Then, just past the clovelly junction, that cunt of a rasta drove past on a scooter, and I knew that the signal was being passed, and well, funny thing was God went "peace, be still", and of course, I was not peaceful.
Everytime God says that, then things are about to go bad, and He acts all possessive so that I do not spiral down the self-destruct road like I am prone to everytime life gets hiccups.
But for some reason, I just walked on, and there was the ... love... of my life, in some guy's arms, and they were smooching there and all over each other, and Vinnie was telling me to cool it, to not be hasty, and I wanted to tear and rend everything and everyone, and hell, this was the hardest thing I have ever done. So, I walked up to the couple, God forgotten, and all that He meant to be, and I said to the love-birds, "excuse me" Guy looked up, wisely remained silent, and then I said to the chick, "thank you for making everything clear", and I went and got coffee, and Vinnie followed me, and said something that had me realise what god had really meant but which I brushed aside, that it was not mike that was 'eating' the fruit of the chick, it was ... this guy... and hell, that is white people are all like, and I KNEW that that was not true.
This was the guy she was seeing, and to whom she was not giving her legs, and this was the guy who was ... you know... harrying the chick and telling her to let this fool go, why was she holding on to him, not mike, and this is the guy that I am going to kill, for the obvious reason;- as well as Kenneth, for his part today in that, and red breeches, for ignoring my warnings to stay the fuck out of my way, and the smart chick and her mother, for looking me in the eye in my grief.And I am going to kill the woman I love, for not just being honest about everything, and hell, if she was afraid that I am NOT the kind of man she was looking for, she should at least have had the decency to just tell me that she was not so sure she could be with me. I would have respected such respect, but as things are, I HATE being despised. I hate this life, and I hate being told what an idiot I am after I take pains to explain things as they are.
I am going to start killing people, and I will make them suffer, for their presumption, and when I say make them suffer, I mean a WHOLE lot of suffering
I shaved off my hair, at mike's girlfriend's place, and I was sort of apologising to her for my earlier behaviour, and I let her know that I was set to leave, that this was my last week in kalk bay, and I was inwardly laughing at myself for thinking that the one thing that is obvious to me, that if I can NOT die, then I can NOT really fall ... sick... unless I am TRYING to die, was the reason why this woman would not ... commit... to me, afraid as she was that she would be ... infected.
Fuck, God may be many things, but He does not do things like that.
So, for presuming, woman, and for what you have done, then you get to die, and all because you can not see the obvious that is before you, that I am not only indestructible, but also I am... INDESTRUCTIBLE.
there is NOTHING physically ... wrong... with me.
that is what my... helper... is for.
And I will NEVER, ever be the child you nurse to bring back people to God.
No, I am , how shall I say it, playing THIS game according to my tune, and well, everyone will dance to it. I am not after God's heart. I hate Him.
but I will NOT kill anyone that does not ... hurt... me.
I am not and have never been, able to handle personal pain. So, I will deal with THIS pain to the fullest, and I mean to make it ghastly, and as garish and as bloody as possible.
See the face of the most terrifying being to walk this planet,a nd know WHY you will die, all who die.
By the end of this week, I will be gone, under MY steam, because
I have been too long in the wind
I have been too long in the wind
too long in the rain
taking any comfort that I can
I've been sitting down and longing for
the freedom of my chains"
chains that God set me up in
If only you could see me now.
With my hand running over the bumps that my mother gave me, because I was NOT what she wanted, and also with my ear with the top bit off, because I could not conform, and I am like, is it a problem for me to just be me, and not be someone somebody has to ... correct? I mean, fuck it, let me be!chains that God set me up in
If only you could see me now.
I am me, a creature that sees as he sees, and I do not have to believe in God, to have respect for Him, to behave in a certain manner in order to succeed. No, I just have to know how to connect the dots and hell, boys and girls, I am good at that, and I can connect the dots better than anyone. The KING is here!
