Now, I got to sleep, and I have a dream, see, and in that dream I am going, to some person, "I am the alpha and the omega, I had BETTER be the alpha and the omega, or I will beat you", and I wake up, and of course, I am NOT amused, because I know that another of my efforts has gone down the drain, again.
And I even hinted about it, that I do not necessarily go by what I 'see' from the visions but by what happens in real life.
So, I am crazy about this girl, this ONE girl, and trust me, I KNOW myself, and I have SAID how I have behaved, and responded to situations where women have been involved, and i had come to the conclusion that I would have NOTHING to do with any woman that wanted me for any other reason than that she wanted ME and also, I had concluded that, for me NOT to ... beat her up... she had to be, a virgin, because I knew enough by now to know that the woman would compare me to someone else if she was NOT, and i would pick up on it, and since I can NOT stand being someone that is better or worse than someone else, I would have a hard time coping. I am ... different... I said, and so, I took pains to say what was on my mind, and yet, I suppose that now, the same thing is going on and on again. Everyone else knows what I am capable of more than, better than, me.
And i ask myself, now, who the fuck actually thinks, after 16 years with God, and being unrestrained in everything except in the matter of my death, that I am about to go into a sudden metamorphosis and actually become someone that he or she thinks i MUST be?
So, as I said I am crazy about this one girl, and from where I stand, I had better be the ONLY guy for her, and it had better be understood from first to last that there will stand NO ONE in judgement between me and her, no intercessor, no mediator, no one ELSE she looks up to, because if there IS, and i have every reason from what I 'see' to conclude that there is, then, well, I will make her pay.
Now, she obviously thinks i am a child, and now, that hurts, because it shows that she keeps on ignoring every word I say and thinking i am some other type of person that she has to bear, to shield and ignore his temper tantrums because he does not know what he wants. Big mistake on top of another mistake woman.
I have said this before, and I will say it again. You answer to me, and you have two choices in front of you. One is that you decide to show me where you stand now, or you just keep quiet, because from where i stand, you already showed me what you think. IKt does not get any clearer for me than seeing a woman who I ... presume... to be in love with me in the arms of someone else, and kissing the guy to boot.
To me, that is as clear as can be.
So, in my mind, I have nothing keeping me from killing you and all that you hold dear except a... vision, and I am a cynical person who believes what he sees. Do you see where this is going? And i am hating my life here, with all the memories and people crowding in, and just yesterday, I had the unpleasant chance of seeing the st-peters woman, after the second from last post where i said i was at masi library, drive out from my street as i walked back home, and I asked myself why even now I hesitated to leave.
I wanted to blame God, call Him an asshole over and over, but the simple truth is I am not sure whether to go or to keep on digging something that may not be mine anyway. Because you alone are what i have been able, after sifting through all the rubbish both on my side and on yours, to handle.
I find myself hoping that you really are just a person with a perception problem, and that you pulled these stunts because to you, i was doing the same and you wanted to show me how much it hurt you to do what I did.
If that is the case, then I apologise for causing you pain. It was a sort of reflex action, because I was afraid of being hurt by you because, in case you never noticed, your opinion of me matters agreat deal more than anything else.
However, I will NOT let your stunts go unpunished, or rather the people you performed them with. they will suffer horribly, or go to hell, no matter who they are or whatever, who you incoporated into your 'he-is-just-a-child' schemes, EVERY single one of them, because I know of only ONE mother, and she, well, i am going to have to kill, last of all. From what I 'see', my ... love... and since this has been like over and over again i take it to be rather more likely to be real than not, there are four family members beside you. If they were not involved in your schemes, then they get to live pain free till i get them off the earth, but if they WERE involved, then they will suffer, all of them, or rather those that were involved, because I am NOT a child. And I wonder what it will take for you to see that.
I am going to KILL everyone from off the planet. This is NOT science fiction, this is fact. And this is NO joke, I do not want you to look after me, I would like to look after you, after your sexy posterior, that is, because you are still, to me, the most attractive-looking person that I have ever laid eyes on. I am NOT stuck here, i am LEAVING. Does that get through to you? I am going, to the US, and if I get fed up with waiting before you decide, I will LEAVE you. Does that sink through? This is NOT a joke. I AM the lord of the earth. See, I will DESTROY that entire building that you used to look down on me from, that will be the sign that I am going. Do you READ and process that? I do not want your money or your cars or your friends and family associations, I want YOU, and for the simple, basic use that a MAN wants a WOMAN, to bed, to copulate, to cohabit with, to... fuck... yes, to fuck, or something like that, because i do not see a star when i look at you, I see a woman that I want for myself, exclusively. Get THAT? No other connections. JUST that.
It has taken me what, nine months to get to this point? And i wonder if it is already too late anyway. Because well, I can not seem to get through to you, and hell, i am tired of trying anyway.
hell, this sucks!
uri kupiko?
ndakutsvaga ndakushaiwa
uri kupiko
hona ndoita sebenzi
ndizvo chete zvandinoda
kukutaurira asi ndashaya manzwi.
Now, i have no foot to stand on to even COME to you to tell you how I feel because technically, well, I can not force you to do as i please since you 'obviously' showed me where you stand. And please, stop that nonsense of thinking any other woman can influence me. Back when I used to pretend, it took me a maximum of seven months to abide a woman who has had sex with someone else, and I made life a living hell for that woman, so, they would be foolish to evn come close to me when I am (1) not even interested in any of them, and (2), done pretending, which means it will take me less than seven seconds to lash out at them and kill them for insulting me. remember I was made independent on 18 september. Do read my posts thoroughly please!
And I even hinted about it, that I do not necessarily go by what I 'see' from the visions but by what happens in real life.
So, I am crazy about this girl, this ONE girl, and trust me, I KNOW myself, and I have SAID how I have behaved, and responded to situations where women have been involved, and i had come to the conclusion that I would have NOTHING to do with any woman that wanted me for any other reason than that she wanted ME and also, I had concluded that, for me NOT to ... beat her up... she had to be, a virgin, because I knew enough by now to know that the woman would compare me to someone else if she was NOT, and i would pick up on it, and since I can NOT stand being someone that is better or worse than someone else, I would have a hard time coping. I am ... different... I said, and so, I took pains to say what was on my mind, and yet, I suppose that now, the same thing is going on and on again. Everyone else knows what I am capable of more than, better than, me.
And i ask myself, now, who the fuck actually thinks, after 16 years with God, and being unrestrained in everything except in the matter of my death, that I am about to go into a sudden metamorphosis and actually become someone that he or she thinks i MUST be?
So, as I said I am crazy about this one girl, and from where I stand, I had better be the ONLY guy for her, and it had better be understood from first to last that there will stand NO ONE in judgement between me and her, no intercessor, no mediator, no one ELSE she looks up to, because if there IS, and i have every reason from what I 'see' to conclude that there is, then, well, I will make her pay.
Now, she obviously thinks i am a child, and now, that hurts, because it shows that she keeps on ignoring every word I say and thinking i am some other type of person that she has to bear, to shield and ignore his temper tantrums because he does not know what he wants. Big mistake on top of another mistake woman.
I have said this before, and I will say it again. You answer to me, and you have two choices in front of you. One is that you decide to show me where you stand now, or you just keep quiet, because from where i stand, you already showed me what you think. IKt does not get any clearer for me than seeing a woman who I ... presume... to be in love with me in the arms of someone else, and kissing the guy to boot.
To me, that is as clear as can be.
So, in my mind, I have nothing keeping me from killing you and all that you hold dear except a... vision, and I am a cynical person who believes what he sees. Do you see where this is going? And i am hating my life here, with all the memories and people crowding in, and just yesterday, I had the unpleasant chance of seeing the st-peters woman, after the second from last post where i said i was at masi library, drive out from my street as i walked back home, and I asked myself why even now I hesitated to leave.
I wanted to blame God, call Him an asshole over and over, but the simple truth is I am not sure whether to go or to keep on digging something that may not be mine anyway. Because you alone are what i have been able, after sifting through all the rubbish both on my side and on yours, to handle.
I find myself hoping that you really are just a person with a perception problem, and that you pulled these stunts because to you, i was doing the same and you wanted to show me how much it hurt you to do what I did.
If that is the case, then I apologise for causing you pain. It was a sort of reflex action, because I was afraid of being hurt by you because, in case you never noticed, your opinion of me matters agreat deal more than anything else.
However, I will NOT let your stunts go unpunished, or rather the people you performed them with. they will suffer horribly, or go to hell, no matter who they are or whatever, who you incoporated into your 'he-is-just-a-child' schemes, EVERY single one of them, because I know of only ONE mother, and she, well, i am going to have to kill, last of all. From what I 'see', my ... love... and since this has been like over and over again i take it to be rather more likely to be real than not, there are four family members beside you. If they were not involved in your schemes, then they get to live pain free till i get them off the earth, but if they WERE involved, then they will suffer, all of them, or rather those that were involved, because I am NOT a child. And I wonder what it will take for you to see that.
I am going to KILL everyone from off the planet. This is NOT science fiction, this is fact. And this is NO joke, I do not want you to look after me, I would like to look after you, after your sexy posterior, that is, because you are still, to me, the most attractive-looking person that I have ever laid eyes on. I am NOT stuck here, i am LEAVING. Does that get through to you? I am going, to the US, and if I get fed up with waiting before you decide, I will LEAVE you. Does that sink through? This is NOT a joke. I AM the lord of the earth. See, I will DESTROY that entire building that you used to look down on me from, that will be the sign that I am going. Do you READ and process that? I do not want your money or your cars or your friends and family associations, I want YOU, and for the simple, basic use that a MAN wants a WOMAN, to bed, to copulate, to cohabit with, to... fuck... yes, to fuck, or something like that, because i do not see a star when i look at you, I see a woman that I want for myself, exclusively. Get THAT? No other connections. JUST that.
ndizvo chete zvandinoda
kukutaurira
asi ndashaya manzwi
ndongotarisa richinyura
rimwe zuva ndichamuudza chete
(that is all I want to say to you
but i have not found the words to say
i just look as the sun sets
i just look as the sun sets
and promise myself to "tell her some day")
It has taken me what, nine months to get to this point? And i wonder if it is already too late anyway. Because well, I can not seem to get through to you, and hell, i am tired of trying anyway.
uri kupiko?
ndakutsvaga ndakushaiwa
uri kupiko
hona ndoita sebenzi
ndizvo chete zvandinoda
kukutaurira asi ndashaya manzwi.
Now, i have no foot to stand on to even COME to you to tell you how I feel because technically, well, I can not force you to do as i please since you 'obviously' showed me where you stand. And please, stop that nonsense of thinking any other woman can influence me. Back when I used to pretend, it took me a maximum of seven months to abide a woman who has had sex with someone else, and I made life a living hell for that woman, so, they would be foolish to evn come close to me when I am (1) not even interested in any of them, and (2), done pretending, which means it will take me less than seven seconds to lash out at them and kill them for insulting me. remember I was made independent on 18 september. Do read my posts thoroughly please!
