I STILL can NOT ... Forget

Though today, I ... TRIED

Seeing the ONE person I would have liked to spend my life with actually TAKE me for a little child even had me for a while thinking, why not just get along, and go along, and this, after seeing her walk out of that etios with some coloured dude, the same one who seems to be 'showing her cars', and walking up to them, waiting till she had run out of things to do in the car and on the phone, and then pointing directly at her and saying, "Problem solved", and walking away, and still NOT being able to just walk away, but hanging around, and then having her -see how she KNOWS what I do not like and what I like- walk ... alone... past on her way to the bakery and having her stare at me like that, and having me melt a bit, and then her walking past and me walking away again to get food, and then coming back, and being asked by vinnie why i was NOT eating, and him joking about whether i had put something in the stuff, and then him philosophising, 'why would you kill us?" and me thinking, why should I?, and then sitting down and asking myself what i was turning into, what a monster i was almost becoming, and acknowledging that I was really fucked up inside, like... and then, spending the remainder of the work-time just reeling inside, and wondering what I would miss out on, and seeing the cracks as the woman probably saw me sit down and shake my head and stare in horror into the distance, and her coming out, and rummaging in the car again- this time, of course, more sure she had me where she wanted me, so the coloured guy was right behind her, watching her almost exposed legs as she bent down, and her smiling, and looking back at me to see if I approved that she was taking me for some ... reptile... that felt NOTHING when the woman who seems to cast her eye to me will not even come within sniffing distance of me but will spend her time, and go on like a radio with some guys, who will look at the legs she shows, and I was like, OK, I STILL do not want to lose this woman but, heck, I am NOT sure I can keep up this bullshit any longer, and then, after a while, when mike, who I had almost followed with a coffee mug and thrown coffee into his face thought I was cooled down enough for him to show up again, I decided that I could not live the lie.

NO, I STILL can neither forget nor forgive what you have done, and the mistake you have made, woman is assuming that I am ... YOUR ... child.

As far as I know, I have only one person who affects me and makes it impossible for me to function well, and THAT is my mother.

No one else.

I am going to kill everyone, as I said, because all you have to do is look around you.
This is MY world;- when i am happy, it shows, when i am sad, it shows, and... that is something no one and nothing can take away from me.

So, I can not put myself in a cage and be a prisoner in my own ... house.

Remember God gave me fifteen years to put my house in order.

And your way is NOT in order.

Prepare to face my fury.

could have given you everything that you need

but I can not turn back the years

hits me in the morning

hits me at night

but I can not turn back the years...

cant make it seem easy

when you are all that i see

cant live in a dream

and I wont say i made teh truth

 people are hurting, and looking to me

and I look at you

there's nothing more to say
its too bad I love you, but I'm never gonna give it up

Your world is about to be totally... devastated!