I read up, sunday, the promises God made about the one to come, and the weird thing was that, well, NO ONE has ever taken into account what this person who is supposed to come to bring peace to the entire earth FEELS about it.
God just hinted and hawed. I was particularly ... displeased... by the statement, "a maid shall deliver a child and he shall be called 'God-with-us' . he shall eat curds and honey when he knows how to distinguish between the wrong and the right".
there, a person's whole life mapped out for him before he is even born.
No wonder everybody else is busy trying to make changes to me, to what I should be. I bet that, even now, the one person I love does not get it why I am upset with her. Probably she is wondering, and praying to God, about how is it POSSIBLE that anyone could so persistently refuse the good way-one she offers, of course, which is a humiliating condescension. I mean, I am brewing up a storm, right now, and yet the chick is probably assuming that I am STILL in need of guidance, from her, when in effect I am having to restrain myself from just snuffing out her life along with those that she has pissed me off with, simply because they, ordinary people to whom I have written countless times of what I am, still assume that, when the promised one is promised as "Almighty God" it means he is somehow subject to God. How can I and God share the same authority?I hate God, I do not listen to Him. No, that is a lie, I have to listen to Him because He has this insidious way of seeping into my conscious and my subconscious and reminding me of stuff and making it impossible for me to ignore things that He consistently brings to my attention.
like the fact that I would have been 'untrue' to myself if I killed anyone. Remember that He was on and on about me with this statement "never send to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee", especially when it came to my rage with this chick?
This woman I love, and who, for a truth, has been the major reason, vinnie notwithstanding, that I have kept myself from blowing everything apart?
And who God has been throwing more and more into my mind even when I want to turn away, NOT because she is right, because I am ALL-POWERFUL and need NO help, but because she is the one person I have ever been able to look in the eye and ... like, despite her maddening ways that God also shows me, or showed me beforehand, are tricks to get me to change.
As I said before, like I could.
I do NOT want to live. Not today, not in a million years, not in a billion. I will never change. I unfortunately was born with a chilly awareness of what really IS, thanks to my mother, and well, some things NO ONE should see, people. So, nothing will change my perspective that I would rather be dead.
Not even your love, woman. It just removes some of the sorrow of life, but does not make up for it. I would have liked you in it just to be a hiding place. I do not mean to put you down and stuff, but no one can share what I am, what I see that makes me hope for something that God made sure I can never have, complete oblivion. Because He gave me this helper to make sure that this being, this God that I am, does NOT die.
So, I am NOT amused by the antics to make me care, because pauri ndanga ndakaperera,as myself, not as you want me to be.
Stop thinking you can support me. I need NO help to take whatever I want. And I will show that as and when necessary
I think that everyone should know this now. I am planning on moving out. and taking over. I mean, if you want to look it up from God's viewpoint, as far as I am concerned, use this. "in the year king Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and lifted up, and His train filled the temple". I have stopped paying even lip-service to God, because it reduces me to people's level, like even I look up to Him. I do not, I never have. I still regard Him as a nuisance, as a Being that does NOT deal with the problems that He Himself has brought about. All I wanted to do to date was die, by any means. It was not even you that made me stop, it was the continuous humiliation of failing that made me realise that I am bound to life, whether I like it or not. Doesn't mean that I stopped ... wanting... death, it just meant I stopped trying. Which means , unfortunately for people, I started trying to make it ... better... for myself to cope with this unwanted burden. Which means, when I do act, I am going to bring lives to a complete standstill. This is NO LONGER about my mother, you hypocrites who want to change me when you yourselves are all play-actors and liars. THIS is about all of you. And how your ways displease me. NO one sits in judgement over me, and gets away with it. Those that did, or persisted in so doing, well, I may not KILL you, but by God, I will make sure you... suffer... and trust me, there are many ways to kill a cat than dipping it in hot butter. Why waste butter?
So, trust me, I, who can NOT forget, will make sure that the individuals I look at even now with a jaundiced eye will... have a rather prejudiced life-style, for the rest of their lives. They do not like it, they can, of course, kill themselves. It is an option that is and will remain, always available to all and sundry. Like the characters in that movie where one was chained by the leg with a saw in easy reach. you can and will always be able to cut yourself off and sacrifice a leg in the process.
So, remember, there will be payback, for all.
Do I need to swear on that? No, I said it, and it will stand. Since 2011, on my birthday, I have been live and public, and that marks three years gone, yes? three years of my showing myself and having arrows pointed at me. three years that I was paying lip service to God, a God I hate. Now, it is MY time, where people reap what they sow, and where truth and justice prevail, and where I do as I please, as the Wonderful Counselor. Now, the term 'Wonderful' does not mean good. No, it means, in its original context something like 'amazing and out of this world', not necessarily something that is easy to swallow.
So, I am setting before everyone this choice. I am putting everyone's life in their own hands. I am out to make you all... lets put it this way... suffer. But I will NOT kill you. You are free to do that to yourselves. I will show you what will be if and when you do this and that, and if you do it, it shall so happen, and THEN, you will choose whether to die by yourselves or live and take the punishment. Because I have decided NOT to choose for anyone, since none of you are worth it. Your lives are in your hands.
Whether at the end, I will be the ONLY one left - and do you hear the wind as the earth itself, nature salivates over the potential mastery of ME in complete and sole charge?- or whether I leave and leave people alive, well, that is NOT my choice to make. You will choose for yourself. I am just here to show the knowledge. I will take NO responsibility for the consequences. Now, tell me that that is not being an "academic"?
So, I promise you all that, well, this is what will be.
I will NOT kill anyone. No, the POWER is yours.
I do assure you, though, that the next person to try to ... help/correct... me will find his flesh falling off. In a painful manner. AS will happen to all those that ALREADY tried to do so. There is only ONE person I have time for, and even she has a difficult time to actually reach me, because some of the things she did has made me rather tender about what to expect from her, and not even God's remote explanations can wash away the pain that still seeps into my mind, like molten lava, and chars me.
I have lost my faith and trust, in her, and I am hurting, big time, where she is concerned. But I can never hurt her, neither physically nor even in word. She remains the one person that I find ties up my mouth when I would rather be very bad. Cant even say, "fuck you" to her, in person, because, well, I can NOT. I ... love... her, for all that she has made me mad plenty times. Shows how much, in a warped way, she does care. for me. And I guess that means a lot to me.
was thinking about her stunt the other day. Do you know that when she and that guy, whose flesh will be the first to start... going bad... (and also that cunt of a rasta, whose pain will be well, a million times worse than anyone's, of course) saw that I was getting rather belligerent, they went to the offices upstairs. The chick was driving a merc then. Don't know why she assumed that I was interested in cars, when I can get what I want, or better yet I am going to MAKE one I want, unlike any, better and well, BETTER, and she had it parked just outside the blue bottle entrance, meaning I was supposed to... see it... in my face, first thing, and then see her as well in that guy's arms just outside the bakery, all lovey-dovey. it did not occur to her that if she was NOT interested in me, she should just TELL me, instead of seeking to shame me like that. Or that I was NOT joking about stuff I wrote. Of course, she knows better, right? I am just a child throwing away a good life because I am too stubborn. Maybe she assumed that I REALLY wanted millions of dollars from people. Ah, which reminds me, I am about to do an 'academic' expose on 'money' and at the end, you will decide whether you still want to use it, hmmm!
She is pretty, though, and I like her ways of defying reason to go for what she wants, claws all out. I like being able to make a person come out like that, without a thought to the future, just out with a 'how dare you treat me like I am NOT the best thing to ever come into your life?" attitude. She is, of course, the best thing to ever happen to me.
Anyway, after all that had happened, and I had already set up an appointment for my haircut -pity I can not show my head, ah, I can, I uploaded a photo some days back;- I am at masi library now, cheating on the time- anyway, the woman waited till red breeches came out and walked past, and I was like, to her, "grow up!" and I was so fes up with being taken for a stupid fool I got up and wanted to follow her to her car to give her several pieces of my mind , and she was long gone by then, and I was coming back and I saw her get into her car and wait a bit, and then drive off. maybe, as I think back on it, she thought I should follow HER.
I mean, woman, you just hurt me in the worst possible way, and I still am NOT expected to KNOW my self enough to figure out that you had done me the worst pain anyone has ever given me, and STILL what you worry about is whether or not I must run after you?
WHAT the fuck goes on in your mind, really?
I mean, do you actually THINK that these things you do are done to a log?
or maybe I am too dumb here, or missing out on something here, huh?
I mean, is THIS how one shows love for someone. Am I supposed, like a dog, to keep wagging my tail even when kicked in the ribs?
Does this seem like the behaviour normal people use on other people, or reserve for a lower sub-species?
Maybe that is what I am to you.
Something dirty, disgusting that should just be thrown all the rubbish that no one wants, the debris and waste of life. Gees, I think I see now how you see me, and so, well, I suppose I will have to factor that into all of my dealings with people. I am, after all, too dumb to even know when I am hurt, right?
I think all this is just a waste of time.
Time for action.
People, prepare for the God of War. I always wanted to say this, like that "Wild C.A.T.S." baddie, the 'transport' for Hellespont, at least now that I have to be... mobile:-
God just hinted and hawed. I was particularly ... displeased... by the statement, "a maid shall deliver a child and he shall be called 'God-with-us' . he shall eat curds and honey when he knows how to distinguish between the wrong and the right".
there, a person's whole life mapped out for him before he is even born.
No wonder everybody else is busy trying to make changes to me, to what I should be. I bet that, even now, the one person I love does not get it why I am upset with her. Probably she is wondering, and praying to God, about how is it POSSIBLE that anyone could so persistently refuse the good way-one she offers, of course, which is a humiliating condescension. I mean, I am brewing up a storm, right now, and yet the chick is probably assuming that I am STILL in need of guidance, from her, when in effect I am having to restrain myself from just snuffing out her life along with those that she has pissed me off with, simply because they, ordinary people to whom I have written countless times of what I am, still assume that, when the promised one is promised as "Almighty God" it means he is somehow subject to God. How can I and God share the same authority?I hate God, I do not listen to Him. No, that is a lie, I have to listen to Him because He has this insidious way of seeping into my conscious and my subconscious and reminding me of stuff and making it impossible for me to ignore things that He consistently brings to my attention.
like the fact that I would have been 'untrue' to myself if I killed anyone. Remember that He was on and on about me with this statement "never send to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee", especially when it came to my rage with this chick?
This woman I love, and who, for a truth, has been the major reason, vinnie notwithstanding, that I have kept myself from blowing everything apart?
And who God has been throwing more and more into my mind even when I want to turn away, NOT because she is right, because I am ALL-POWERFUL and need NO help, but because she is the one person I have ever been able to look in the eye and ... like, despite her maddening ways that God also shows me, or showed me beforehand, are tricks to get me to change.
As I said before, like I could.
I do NOT want to live. Not today, not in a million years, not in a billion. I will never change. I unfortunately was born with a chilly awareness of what really IS, thanks to my mother, and well, some things NO ONE should see, people. So, nothing will change my perspective that I would rather be dead.
Not even your love, woman. It just removes some of the sorrow of life, but does not make up for it. I would have liked you in it just to be a hiding place. I do not mean to put you down and stuff, but no one can share what I am, what I see that makes me hope for something that God made sure I can never have, complete oblivion. Because He gave me this helper to make sure that this being, this God that I am, does NOT die.
So, I am NOT amused by the antics to make me care, because pauri ndanga ndakaperera,as myself, not as you want me to be.
Stop thinking you can support me. I need NO help to take whatever I want. And I will show that as and when necessary
I think that everyone should know this now. I am planning on moving out. and taking over. I mean, if you want to look it up from God's viewpoint, as far as I am concerned, use this. "in the year king Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and lifted up, and His train filled the temple". I have stopped paying even lip-service to God, because it reduces me to people's level, like even I look up to Him. I do not, I never have. I still regard Him as a nuisance, as a Being that does NOT deal with the problems that He Himself has brought about. All I wanted to do to date was die, by any means. It was not even you that made me stop, it was the continuous humiliation of failing that made me realise that I am bound to life, whether I like it or not. Doesn't mean that I stopped ... wanting... death, it just meant I stopped trying. Which means , unfortunately for people, I started trying to make it ... better... for myself to cope with this unwanted burden. Which means, when I do act, I am going to bring lives to a complete standstill. This is NO LONGER about my mother, you hypocrites who want to change me when you yourselves are all play-actors and liars. THIS is about all of you. And how your ways displease me. NO one sits in judgement over me, and gets away with it. Those that did, or persisted in so doing, well, I may not KILL you, but by God, I will make sure you... suffer... and trust me, there are many ways to kill a cat than dipping it in hot butter. Why waste butter?
So, trust me, I, who can NOT forget, will make sure that the individuals I look at even now with a jaundiced eye will... have a rather prejudiced life-style, for the rest of their lives. They do not like it, they can, of course, kill themselves. It is an option that is and will remain, always available to all and sundry. Like the characters in that movie where one was chained by the leg with a saw in easy reach. you can and will always be able to cut yourself off and sacrifice a leg in the process.
So, remember, there will be payback, for all.
Do I need to swear on that? No, I said it, and it will stand. Since 2011, on my birthday, I have been live and public, and that marks three years gone, yes? three years of my showing myself and having arrows pointed at me. three years that I was paying lip service to God, a God I hate. Now, it is MY time, where people reap what they sow, and where truth and justice prevail, and where I do as I please, as the Wonderful Counselor. Now, the term 'Wonderful' does not mean good. No, it means, in its original context something like 'amazing and out of this world', not necessarily something that is easy to swallow.
So, I am setting before everyone this choice. I am putting everyone's life in their own hands. I am out to make you all... lets put it this way... suffer. But I will NOT kill you. You are free to do that to yourselves. I will show you what will be if and when you do this and that, and if you do it, it shall so happen, and THEN, you will choose whether to die by yourselves or live and take the punishment. Because I have decided NOT to choose for anyone, since none of you are worth it. Your lives are in your hands.
Whether at the end, I will be the ONLY one left - and do you hear the wind as the earth itself, nature salivates over the potential mastery of ME in complete and sole charge?- or whether I leave and leave people alive, well, that is NOT my choice to make. You will choose for yourself. I am just here to show the knowledge. I will take NO responsibility for the consequences. Now, tell me that that is not being an "academic"?
So, I promise you all that, well, this is what will be.
I will NOT kill anyone. No, the POWER is yours.
I do assure you, though, that the next person to try to ... help/correct... me will find his flesh falling off. In a painful manner. AS will happen to all those that ALREADY tried to do so. There is only ONE person I have time for, and even she has a difficult time to actually reach me, because some of the things she did has made me rather tender about what to expect from her, and not even God's remote explanations can wash away the pain that still seeps into my mind, like molten lava, and chars me.
I have lost my faith and trust, in her, and I am hurting, big time, where she is concerned. But I can never hurt her, neither physically nor even in word. She remains the one person that I find ties up my mouth when I would rather be very bad. Cant even say, "fuck you" to her, in person, because, well, I can NOT. I ... love... her, for all that she has made me mad plenty times. Shows how much, in a warped way, she does care. for me. And I guess that means a lot to me.
was thinking about her stunt the other day. Do you know that when she and that guy, whose flesh will be the first to start... going bad... (and also that cunt of a rasta, whose pain will be well, a million times worse than anyone's, of course) saw that I was getting rather belligerent, they went to the offices upstairs. The chick was driving a merc then. Don't know why she assumed that I was interested in cars, when I can get what I want, or better yet I am going to MAKE one I want, unlike any, better and well, BETTER, and she had it parked just outside the blue bottle entrance, meaning I was supposed to... see it... in my face, first thing, and then see her as well in that guy's arms just outside the bakery, all lovey-dovey. it did not occur to her that if she was NOT interested in me, she should just TELL me, instead of seeking to shame me like that. Or that I was NOT joking about stuff I wrote. Of course, she knows better, right? I am just a child throwing away a good life because I am too stubborn. Maybe she assumed that I REALLY wanted millions of dollars from people. Ah, which reminds me, I am about to do an 'academic' expose on 'money' and at the end, you will decide whether you still want to use it, hmmm!
She is pretty, though, and I like her ways of defying reason to go for what she wants, claws all out. I like being able to make a person come out like that, without a thought to the future, just out with a 'how dare you treat me like I am NOT the best thing to ever come into your life?" attitude. She is, of course, the best thing to ever happen to me.
Anyway, after all that had happened, and I had already set up an appointment for my haircut -pity I can not show my head, ah, I can, I uploaded a photo some days back;- I am at masi library now, cheating on the time- anyway, the woman waited till red breeches came out and walked past, and I was like, to her, "grow up!" and I was so fes up with being taken for a stupid fool I got up and wanted to follow her to her car to give her several pieces of my mind , and she was long gone by then, and I was coming back and I saw her get into her car and wait a bit, and then drive off. maybe, as I think back on it, she thought I should follow HER.
I mean, woman, you just hurt me in the worst possible way, and I still am NOT expected to KNOW my self enough to figure out that you had done me the worst pain anyone has ever given me, and STILL what you worry about is whether or not I must run after you?WHAT the fuck goes on in your mind, really?
I mean, do you actually THINK that these things you do are done to a log?
or maybe I am too dumb here, or missing out on something here, huh?
I mean, is THIS how one shows love for someone. Am I supposed, like a dog, to keep wagging my tail even when kicked in the ribs?
Does this seem like the behaviour normal people use on other people, or reserve for a lower sub-species?
Maybe that is what I am to you.
Something dirty, disgusting that should just be thrown all the rubbish that no one wants, the debris and waste of life. Gees, I think I see now how you see me, and so, well, I suppose I will have to factor that into all of my dealings with people. I am, after all, too dumb to even know when I am hurt, right?
I think all this is just a waste of time.
Time for action.
People, prepare for the God of War. I always wanted to say this, like that "Wild C.A.T.S." baddie, the 'transport' for Hellespont, at least now that I have to be... mobile:-
Entering Vehicular Mode!
Ah, well, Prince, TERRORISE!
YEAH-SSSS
YEAH-SSSS
Ok, so I wrote a lot of nonsense in the past, but then, as i said, I was following after God, and running after Him, to see what He had in store for me. Because I did not want to bother about stuff. I saw someone looked up this other post of mine, on 24 September, and I read it and I am like, fuck, even a blind person can see what i was doing to the contemporary art chick, as I called her then. How even then, in my doubt about stuff, I was out to hurt her, because I could not stand it being a... fact... that there existed someone in the flesh that I actually wanted for myself, for life. I mean, anyone can see that. If they have eyes.
Doesn't mean I will tolerate her actions though. I am NOT like her, and anyway, women are not men. Women hide things. And women receive sperm. And I am yet to hear of a woman who brags that she opened her legs to some guy. But guys dis each other in that way. So, if it WAS the love of my life readin that post, to use against me, hell, keep that in mind. I AM going to punish my... enemies.
Doesn't mean I will tolerate her actions though. I am NOT like her, and anyway, women are not men. Women hide things. And women receive sperm. And I am yet to hear of a woman who brags that she opened her legs to some guy. But guys dis each other in that way. So, if it WAS the love of my life readin that post, to use against me, hell, keep that in mind. I AM going to punish my... enemies.
no two ways about that.
more to the point, WHO the fuck will you compare me to, or make me equal?
Even if he is your brother?
Fuck, you know NOTHING about me then, woman.
more to the point, WHO the fuck will you compare me to, or make me equal?
Even if he is your brother?
Fuck, you know NOTHING about me then, woman.
I advise you NOT to try to get entangled with me if THOSE are your thoughts, woman. Stay away. I may just forget somehow just how much I do care!
